Comments on your wishcake.: on the body image monster...

You have no idea how much i needed to read that po...

2009-10-17T09:57:41.656-07:00

You have no idea how much i needed to read that post. I wish i could overcome those thoughts and fears too

first of all, here's that hug (even though I&#...

2009-10-12T23:10:40.417-07:00

first of all, here's that hug (even though I'm a bit late in the commenting here)

second of all, and I hope this doesn't sound bad, but in some ways it is so comforting to know that a girl like YOU--meaning seriously 100% gorgeous in every way (and I do mean EVERY way)-- can still have these issues. Please don't take that wrong... I'm not GLAD you have these issues and I'd whisk them away from you in a second if I could, but in some way it just helps to know that truly everyone does.

Me, I've got a tummy pooch and stretch marks that will probably never go away (thanks to those three darling daughters of mine, hehe), teeth that are quite imperfect, and skin that apparently thinks I'm still 14 since I break out all the time. Add to that the extra weight I just can't seem to lose and a permament skin condition, and there are days when I'm seriously tempted to cry when I look in the mirror. But, the funny thing is that somehow, all these body things that are out of my control (such as stretch marks) have somehow helped me to be mostly OK with how I look. Because I can't control these things, so what is the point of beating myself up about it? I know I'm not one of those "naturally" beautiful girls, and that I will never ever look like I might want to... but this is ME. It's the body and the face that God gave me, and I know the people I love think I'm beautiful even when I know I'm not. And that thought always gives me comfort and makes me happy.

thanks for sharing, as always... I hope you'll truly reach that place of acceptance that you're striving for. In the meanwhile, we're all right there with you. :)

(I kind of can't believe I just wrote about my stretch marks in a blog comment. That's honesty for ya. hehe)

Sometimes, I'll receive a comment from my husb...

2009-10-12T15:31:31.781-07:00

Sometimes, I'll receive a comment from my husband that'll strike the wrong chord (even if he doesn't mean it to). I think that, while we seek approval from everyone, we seek it most from our husbands; it's hard when we hear a comment that just doesn't sit right, epescially when we're not in the right mood.

awww. tomorrow WILL be brighter for sure! i'm...

2009-10-12T10:02:28.225-07:00

awww. tomorrow WILL be brighter for sure!

i'm sorry you're having a crappy day, but i commend you on being so brave to be so honest about it on your blog.

i totally hear every word you wrote, and i truely believe just keep telling yourself you're beautiful every day and eventually that pays off. it worked for me once really well... took a while, maybe a year lol but it worked... and then self doubt crept up on me a few years later and now here i am. trying to figure out who i am and how i look.

i'm glad you have so many people our here in blogland supporting you. if you ask me, i think you are ridiculously gorgeous!

hope your days gets better :)

you. are. awesome. write it on the mirror. it'...

2009-10-11T17:24:42.932-07:00

you. are. awesome. write it on the mirror. it's the truth.

also, sometimes i think about that whole "God created me in His own image" thing and why would he create something that wasn't good enough? right?

I think you've got the right idea with the dai...

2009-10-11T17:00:22.120-07:00

I think you've got the right idea with the daily affirmations! I have always been thin, but more like awkward rather than hollywood hot thin.
I think body image is something that all young girls and women go through. It's hard not to in our society.
I started "daily affirmations" in high school. I felt so dumb at first, like Stweart Smolly ("I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like me").
It's crazy how once you convince yourself you're "perfect/ happy with your body" everyone else seems to follow suit.
Find something uniquely you that you "hate", and start there. For example I started with my "boobs are so small I can't fit into a training bra" and turned it into a positive, because at least they're real.(where I live, EVERYONE ages 16-80 have implants)

Aw... Well, like other people have said, everyone ...

2009-10-11T16:11:24.299-07:00

Aw... Well, like other people have said, everyone has these thoughts. From what I've read in (silly) magazines, even the super models do. Personally I seem to get in a funk about my looks every few months, for no real apparent reasons. (Similarly to you, I posted about it once on my blog: http://kristanhoffman.com/2008/06/23/confession-of-a-weak-moment/ )

One thing I used to do, that I felt was really fun and helped me, was to photograph myself. I tried to stage these shots as if I were a model. The pictures were never meant to be seen except by me (so various degrees of nudity may have been involved ;P) because the point was to showcase myself in the most positive light (figuratively and literally). To use my own body to make something beautiful.

Just a thought.

Woah, I just had a really bad moment in a changero...

2009-10-11T03:47:32.912-07:00

Woah, I just had a really bad moment in a changeroom today, with ultra-honest lighting..... and I realised I may have been using my small mirror way too much at home. I was in shock at this shop,and I felt so bad for myself. so bad that I went home and ate a whole pile of bruscetta. I was trying to be healthy but overdid it a bit I think.
.... I find it hard to accept my body. Even after having a baby it's hard, esp when I've gone up a dress size and things wobble that never wobbled before....
I don't know if it will ever feel ok. I think it's yet another daily struggle of living in our lovely and yet image-driven society.
x

oh sweetie - i know this voice all too well and i...

2009-10-10T10:41:52.505-07:00

oh sweetie -
i know this voice all too well and i am in my 30's and in many ways i am in much better shape now than i was in my 20's. the wisdom of experience, poise of dedicated yoga practice, alignment of my body while exercising (i run with grace now vs the pounding i know i use to do) and the better choices of what i eat and how i treat my skin. all these things make for a better me and a prettier me. do i feel older in my appearance and wish i could look younger? sometimes but it doesn't overwhelm my thoughts the way it use to. i will say however that i totally get the negative gremlin speaking in my ear when i happen to not be my whole self - that voice gets louder on those days and points out something about my physicality that can break my spirit or quite frankly when my clothes don't fit the same way and i realize the next day it's because i got my monthly girl. nevertheless, that voice is still there from time to time but i manage it differently. i also wanted to share cause it sounds like we may have a few things in common here - that sometimes i hear that gremlin come out more when i am trying to make the effort - when i am going to the gym more consistently and eating better. i have realized then that i am really feeling impatient for a result to kick in or i have to face that although i have been going to the gym more i may have also had a few too many nights out with some vino or less sleeping - all things that show my life not to be in balance. this leads me to my last thought and that is graceful balance. when i am there or even seeking to be there we, i have had the most mortal satisfaction of seeing what i am capable of as it relates to self/spirit care. you don't see any flaws in that state..it just isn't possible. keep going sweetie. one foot in front of the other and if the tears come, let it come up and roll off and keep going. you are a beautiful soul and this is all part of the journey. bravo to you for sharing!

Us girls. Why do we do this to ourselves?!? I thin...

2009-10-09T21:28:06.873-07:00

Us girls. Why do we do this to ourselves?!? I think we are all in the same boat as you, and for no reason. We are all perfect as we are with our "imperfections". Now for us all to just know it!

I love you. I think we all need to hear that more,...

2009-10-09T15:30:56.807-07:00

I love you.
I think we all need to hear that more, especially when we're feeling vulnerable. So know that I love you.

You're not alone. I have days were I beat mys...

2009-10-09T14:49:20.274-07:00

You're not alone.
I have days were I beat myself up about my brain being too busy for it's own god.

Hows the paradox of perfection: that imperfection is perfect. You can't have one without the other, yet they are opposites.

So is perfection impossibly flawed, and to a degree impossible to define? A moving target?

It's about the journey isn't it?

Or sometimes do we just naturally have a 'down in the dumps' day, that we have the right to blame on hormones or the weather...

It's weird to hear that coming from you becaus...

2009-10-09T14:47:02.337-07:00

It's weird to hear that coming from you because I think you're gorgeous. I always thought if I lost weight & got skinny I'd feel amazing and be able to feel like that also, but alas I think it's just a continual process through life.

I'm feeling down today too.... we all get that...

2009-10-09T13:34:16.221-07:00

I'm feeling down today too.... we all get that way - your fave pants are too tight, you can't do your makeup right, your hair drives you crazy - but it's just a day, and it will pass. I hope.

it is hard to be completely happy with yourself, a...

2009-10-09T12:34:47.363-07:00

it is hard to be completely happy with yourself, and even when you know you should just accept who you are you can't help but trying to improve yourself - but the point is just that, to say 'improve' seems to suggest there's something wrong which there isn't, just something that isn't as perfect as we would like. self-acceptance is something i think will come with old age when you can look back and smile on how silly we used to all be when really there was nothing ever to worry about. well that's the way i see it at least x

I had a revelation a few weekends ago. You see, g...

2009-10-09T10:02:12.111-07:00

I had a revelation a few weekends ago. You see, growing up I really didn't have too horrible of a body image. I was never thin, but I was always active in sports, so I just felt great. There were times when I was called fat in elementary school, but I was surprisingly strong about it (even when I look back on it now I'm just in awe of my little ten year old self).

Anyway so that weekend revelation: my MIL is immensely obsessed with weight. She and her mother were the first instances that I've really felt judged about my own weight. And recently we're all sitting at dinner, and she is going ON and ON and ON about body shapers and how they do nothing for fat women because all it does is push the fat around. Mind that one of the guests at dinner was a heavier woman. My jaw was literally on the floor; everything she was saying was so rude and derogatory. And then.. she said "And the lady at the mall had the NERVE to try to sell me a shaper. Excuse me I'm 110 pounds I don't NEED one of those!" THERE. Her obsession with hers and others' weight.. totally based on her own insecurity! I mean it was just so blatant!

So now any time I feel that someone around me is judging me because of my weight, I can know that it's based on their own insecurity, and that in itself has really helped me with mine. I've realized that yes we'd all love to have a movie star's body, but we don't. I don't want to be like my MIL. I want to be healthy, yes. But I don't want to be so insecure that even at a healthy weight I make myself and others uncomfortable. Life is too short to be worrying about things like that.

I've played basketball my entire life and neve...

2009-10-09T09:52:15.611-07:00

I've played basketball my entire life and never had to worry about my weight or anything, until the last year or so. I did worry about it while I was playing mind you, obsessing over the fact that I don't have a lovely, girlish figure.

And now, I'm like, "WHAT WAS I THINKING!? I was PERFECT."

It's my goal to eat healthy and workout. And sure I'd like to lose a few pounds. But at the end of the day, like you said, it's about loving exactly who you are at the moment. Flaws and all.

I think every woman has the same voice it's ve...

2009-10-09T09:10:26.144-07:00

I think every woman has the same voice it's very very sad that we all do, because beauty isn't just about what's on the outside. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all looked the same!

P.S. Popcorn is a healthy snack, much better then potato chips :)

i can relate to every single word you wrote. it&#...

2009-10-09T08:55:00.827-07:00

i can relate to every single word you wrote. it's a long hard battle and i too feel like i'll never get those voices out. lovely way of writing about it!

I have three amazingly gorgeous sisters, who all w...

2009-10-09T08:51:16.607-07:00

I have three amazingly gorgeous sisters, who all weigh 20 lbs less than I do and are 3 cup sizes larger than me...I am usually ok with everything, but there are nights when I stand in front of the mirror and silently yell at myself, "Why can't I be more devoted to exercising? Why can't I look like my sisters?" I don't have any answers yet, but I will say that kind hubbies make a world of difference. I am so happy you have Jay. Make him give you a giant huge from me!

xoxc

you know how much i absolutely adore you, right? ...

2009-10-09T07:36:24.941-07:00

you know how much i absolutely adore you, right? and you know that everyone that reads this thinks you're crazy pants for having any doubts about how you look, what you can accomplish or already have accomplished.

everyone has their insecurities, doubts and little things they don't like about themselves, this only makes us HUMAN.

you're perfect just the way you are miss wishcake. even if you don't believe it right now, there are an army of people out there that agree with me.

chin up pretty. xoxo

Hot Yoga -- it's the answer to ALL of your que...

2009-10-09T07:24:53.496-07:00

Hot Yoga -- it's the answer to ALL of your questions. I struggle too, and let me tell you if you haven't tried it you NEED to. It's an anti-anxiety, extra focus, self-loving form of exercise that I swear by.

Sure I still have my hang-ups, but this has been the answer to all (or at least some) of my body image problems and moments.

what is sad is that i don't know anyone who do...

2009-10-09T06:01:49.457-07:00

what is sad is that i don't know anyone who doesn't feel like this from day to day...

i know you've commented on my pictures and told me how amazing i look, but i still suffer from low low low self esteem. :p

it sucks!

Like all the lovely women who have commented above...

2009-10-09T03:08:16.117-07:00

Like all the lovely women who have commented above, reading your blog makes me feel like I'm not alone in my thoughts and the way I feel about myself. Thanks for that! I don't think the self-doubt ever really goes away and I know the feeling of mental and emotional exhaustion you get from constantly trying to keep up that positive voice inside. It's enough to want to tear your hair out!

I get through by telling myself that one day, I'll get to the point where I can tell my mind to believe EXACTLY what I WANT it to. In the meantime, I'm just trying to look for small improvements in my outlook and behaviour - like a marked decline in the number of times I give my SO a hard time because I'm feeling unpretty and subsequently jealous of some random female in his vicinity. It's a long road but I take solace in the fact that I'm actually TRYING to look for a healthy outlet for these emotions. You should be proud of yourself for doing the same! Hugs:)

Love your blog! Feel you on this body image dilemm...

2009-10-09T02:22:08.545-07:00

Love your blog! Feel you on this body image dilemma! Especiallywhen shallow women like calisara (comment above) make noise at being a size 8 its women like her that make regular women feel horrible about their bodies.