May 26, 2016

current thoughts on blogging...

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It's been so long since I've written consistently that I feel completely rusty. I remember the days, nearly a decade ago, when I had the luxury of sitting down at a computer whenever I felt like it. Or, you know, sat at a computer 40 hours a week at what I realize now was a fantastically laid-back front desk job. (I wonder if they realized how much they were paying me to essentially browse the internet and/or blog most of my shift. I was living the twenty-something dream.) Even with a full-time job, I had free time spilling out my ears and had no idea what busy even meant. Ah, youth.

Now, naturally, things are significantly different. Even this morning, as I chose to wake up early to essentially shotgun a cup of coffee and sit down with our shiny new laptop (purchased with a portion what we had been saving as Big Move money, the rest of which now will be poured into some investment account or another) my oldest child decided to wake up at 5:45 and drowsily walk around the corner like a precious little zombie child in search of breakfast.

Despite my love of sweet, sweet slumber, I somehow find myself in a family of early risers. After nearly five years of motherhood, this is my new normal. (It would be less brutal if the baby were sleeping slightly better, but alas. We're nowhere near a full night of sleep, so it's time to accept my fate and realize that I make babies who aren't sleepers. But thank goodness Cora is a gem in every other way!) The only real irritation is trying to carve out any child-free time to sit down behind the glow of a computer screen to type, type, type in silence. Do I become a crazy person and wake up at 5AM, slowly navigating the creaky floorboards of our apartment like an even crazier person in order to make a quick cup of coffee and sit down at the kitchen to write without waking up a child (or two)?

Still, I'm here, and I miss writing and creating in this way so much that I'm willing to forfeit any bit of morning half-sleep that I may get after the baby's last feeding and just...get back to the daily practice of writing, I suppose.

To be honest, for the past year I've had to fight the urge to just completely quit blogging. For many reasons. I didn't feel like I had much to say and there were (and are) so many women out there doing so many exceptional things, despite busy lives and big families. I felt out of practice, without any time to dedicate to such things, without much to say worthy of writing. I also have struggled with figuring out how to blog now that I have a family. I realize how much I would share in my early-twenties—when both blogging and my life were so different. Now, even if I want to share every story, opinion and corner of my (highly emotional) heart, I've come to realize this isn't the place. The internet is, quite frankly, much bigger and much less safe than I feel it was a decade ago. And I think a lot about protecting my children as opposed to sharing every piece of their childhood with an audience that is largely unknown.

There is much I still want to (and will) share—after all, being honest and vulnerable about many things is simply a part of sharing your story. It has been one of the main reasons I have blogged (somewhat inconsistently) for the greater part of a decade.

I'm not the "typical blogger" because I still don't have Facebook and have absolutely no desire to have one for the foreseeable future. (I do have an account that I use for a couple groups I'm a part of, but I'm terrible even keeping up with those because Facebook is so overwhelming to my brain.) I'm rarely on Twitter anymore, because if I have the app on my phone I end up mindlessly scrolling through it a few times a day and apparently I have no self-control with these things. I have Instagram, but it's private and I don't add anyone I don't know (which gives this people-pleaser legit heart palpitations). I'm dreadful when it comes to replying to comments (I definitely want to get better at this) and email will forever be the bane of my existence (no, really—there have been seasons of life when I realize I have emails from over a year ago that I never replied to).

This is all to say that I'm quite glad I stuck around, and that I am eager to share my life here again. But I'm also finding a new way to share it. One that somehow fits into the incredibly busy season of life I'm currently navigating.

I want to grow my blog, but I love knowing I don't have to follow the same formula as others around me.

I'm grateful so many of you have stuck around to follow my story for so many years! It's amazing to me, all the friendships that have been the direct result of this corner of the internet. I consider myself a lucky gal to have been so loved and encouraged by so many of you over the past ten years. I rather enjoy when the lines between "online friends" and "real-life friends" become beautifully blurred.

7 comments :

  1. I definitely understand what you mean about the internet being different than it was 10 yrs ago. I've flirted with the idea of getting back into blogging, but then I get intimidated and overwhelmed and don't do it. Right now I'm happy with posting on Instagram and occasionally Twitter.

    The photos of your little ones never fail to make me smile and I'm looking forward to reading more blog posts, as sporadic as they may be :).

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  2. So happy to see your post pop up in my reader this morning. Even though we've never met, I consider you a friend and I always think of you with a fond heart and enjoy your updates (either here or on Instagram - thankful I can follow along there :)).

    Yes, blogging and the Internet has shifted and it's hard to find a place here sometimes without trying to imitate big bloggers how have made big names for themselves.... but every connection/friendship I have made through this platform is so well worth it by itself <3

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  3. It's really hard to figure out! I had to give up blogging for now, which is something I never thought I'd do. It was more for my mental health than anything else; I needed to take the pressure off myself. I also barely Instagram anymore because my phone camera broke. Boo. I am enjoying Twitter again, though. Anyway, I do hope to come back to blogging here and there eventually, but my heart isn't in it right now. I have noticed that I am much less creative in general now that I've given it up, though. Ah well - seasons of life!

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  4. I really love reading your blog because I feel like it is so real. And real is like a breath of fresh air in this world. I love reading your thoughts on motherhood and all that it entails as well as your product reviews and seeing what cute craft things you have thought up. I've really enjoyed reading your blog the past many years and I loved reading through a new post today! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! And ah, I know what you mean about a family of early risers! I've started getting up at 6 for my quiet time but sometimes there is still definitely a cry from upstairs from someone who needs me! Thankfully, they are cute! :)

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  5. I definitely feel this - I actually just spent some time yesterday updating my blog and writing up a post, because I miss it as a cathartic exercise in figuring out what is going on with me and building community with others who feet similarly, but it is hard knowing so much is different than it was when we met through blogging! It seems like everyone has to have a specific reason to blog and a brand they are building - the blogging just because I like it feels almost silly except that it was such a meaningful part of my life! I also worry constantly about the actual life implications of writing on the internet for dating and work purposes, but I've reached a point where I am making piece with writing it for me and not really promoting it or sharing it - just putting it out there when I have time with no pressure or expectation.

    I am so glad you've kept writing and sharing, even in little bursts! I always love being able to catch up with you and learn from your wisdom :)

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  6. Oh my goodness, you sure know how to write exactly how I'm feeling! Trying to find balance, blogging, and sanity is hard. I sit down to write, then have so much to catch up on that I don't know where to start, then I see the pile of laundry and skip blogging to do that. My little guy just started sleeping through the night, right before his first birthday. It's a long road but I was (mostly) thankful for those nights of interrupted sleep for some cuddles with my babes.
    I love your blog... even just the little pieces you can give us!

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  7. Yes and yes. This pretty much sums up my current thoughts on blogging too. I love this space and I don't want to lose it, but goodness. I honestly don't know how some mom bloggers manage to write every single day and sleep at the same time, ha. Also, I'm so glad that our blogs brought us together. It's been so fun knowing each other and watching our lives change both online and in real life. xoxo

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