February 5, 2015

the bump (16 weeks)...

16 weeks | yourwishcake.com
I'm sure every month I'm bound to say the same exact thing: Sweet mercy, this is going by so quickly! It's crazy to think I'm already only a month away from being halfway through this pregnancy. Every day, almost all I can think (in-between all the busy moments of life) is a constant prayer of, "Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for this baby." It all still feels so surreal, even after getting to this point.

Symptoms: Aside from continued exhaustion (which may or may not be directly connected to sleeping terribly), most days I seem to forget there's an avocado-sized baby floating around inside of me. (Did I just freak you out a little bit?) I recently started to drink my morning cup o' coffee again—which I hadn't been able to stomach for the past few months—and that has been glorious, to say the least. No real cravings, except the desire to buy random things that I've never before purchased on a regular basis: pounds of strawberries (thank you, Costco!), radishes, instant oatmeal, and dry roasted peanuts.

Emotions: Since the beginning of this pregnancy, I've struggled a lot with finding a balance between my joy, and the guilt of having such joy. There are plenty of people very dear to me who are still dreaming of pregnancy themselves, and there are days I don't know how to be fully and completely joyful in my own experience, while also finding a way to be sensitive to those who are grieving. A people-pleaser at heart, it's been weighing on my conscience quite heavily, and I still don't know how to handle the two conflicting emotions. I'm trying to tread carefully without denying myself every happiness of this long-awaited pregnancy—but many times I just don't know how to act.

Body: The bump is definitely looking like a legitimate belly at this point (even though it is rather hidden in the above photo!). I am ready to live in maxi skirts for the next five months, to be completely honest. No baby kicks yet, although I anticipate it happening any time, considering I felt Eisley's first acrobatics around 17 weeks. We (Eisley and I!) heard the heartbeat for the first time at my most recent appointment, which was absolutely incredible. Even the second time around, this whole pregnancy thing feels like a complete miracle.

Miscellany: We scheduled the big ultrasound for the 23rd, and it's so bizarre to think about how we will know the gender of this wee one before the end of the month. (I'm still thinking it's a boy!) We are on the search for a 2BR place within our price range, so we can hopefully move within the next few months. And I must say that searching for a new rental when you are actually quite happy with where you currently live pretty much sucks. (Isn't there a way to just easily tack on an extra bedroom somewhere? No?) We've been in this little duplex for 7 years now, and I'm secretly hoping to find something similar in the same area, because the idea of starting over in a new city (even if it's close) makes me a little weepy. I just want to feel like wherever we end up is some sort of a step up, and not just us settling on something decent so we can have two bedrooms instead of one. Finding a non-murdery rental (especially because we'd rather not go back to an apartment complex) for less than $1300 in this area feels like a wild goose chase on most days, so we shall see. Fingers crossed, my friends. Fingers crossed.

Further reading: My first pregnancy, 16 weeks

8 comments :

  1. Ahhh, I'm so excited for you! Praying you find a darling two bedroom that is well in your price range and your ideal location. I know how hard it can be to find the right place.

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  2. Good luck finding a new place! We're currently looking to move out of our condo and into a house and we're having a real problem finding something in the area we want that isn't a "handyman special" - my husband is SO not a handyman! I was tired all the time with my second child ... I think it's because my days were so full chasing around my first :)

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  3. You are absolutely adorable!! I'm still just so excited for you and can't believe you're already almost to the halfway mark. I can relate to the guilt about your joy, but just you being conscious about it shows how big your heart is and that it's in the right place. Good luck on the hunt for a two bedroom! Sending lots of prayers your way!!

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  4. I am SO happy for you! As someone who struggled with infertility for five years and then by some miracle became pregnant, I can totally relate to how you feel in regards to balancing guilt and excitement. I know when I was the one waiting, I never felt malice or jealousy towards the friends of mine who acknowledged that I was still praying for a miracle, and I know that in the five months since I've become a mom, my friends who are still struggling have nothing but positive things to say.....they look as those who have "made it" as a sliver of hope, and they have said things to me about how meaningful it is that once people become moms, they don't just put all of the pain out of their minds. So therefore, I say that your feelings are totally justified, and that you should embrace them, but at the same time, consider yourself the Ray of sunshine that you are. :)

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  5. Love love love this! I am 16 weeks too (as of 2/8) It's so fun following another mamma in the same place as I am. :)

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  6. Friend I am so with you in the teetering line between guilt and happiness. I'm so happy to have Riley here but still so achey for my friends and family that are still struggling to become parents. Why can't we just make everyone that wants to be a parent, a parent? Ah, to dream.

    Also, fingers crossed for a new apartment! Hope you guys find something good nearby!

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  7. As a lady who is only a few weeks behind you, I would love to know where that shirt is from! :)

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    1. Congrats to you, fellow Kerri! :) The shirt is actually from Old Navy from a while ago—I'm grateful that many of the current styles allow for a bit of a belly. I didn't wear this shirt much pre-pregnancy because I thought it made me LOOK pregnant, but now it is my favorite. ;)

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