I'm sure every month I'm bound to say the same exact thing: Sweet mercy, this is going by so quickly! It's crazy to think I'm already only a month away from being halfway through this pregnancy. Every day, almost all I can think (in-between all the busy moments of life) is a constant prayer of, "Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for this baby." It all still feels so surreal, even after getting to this point.
Symptoms: Aside from continued exhaustion (which may or may not be directly connected to sleeping terribly), most days I seem to forget there's an avocado-sized baby floating around inside of me. (Did I just freak you out a little bit?) I recently started to drink my morning cup o' coffee again—which I hadn't been able to stomach for the past few months—and that has been glorious, to say the least. No real cravings, except the desire to buy random things that I've never before purchased on a regular basis: pounds of strawberries (thank you, Costco!), radishes, instant oatmeal, and dry roasted peanuts.
Emotions: Since the beginning of this pregnancy, I've struggled a lot with finding a balance between my joy, and the guilt of having such joy. There are plenty of people very dear to me who are still dreaming of pregnancy themselves, and there are days I don't know how to be fully and completely joyful in my own experience, while also finding a way to be sensitive to those who are grieving. A people-pleaser at heart, it's been weighing on my conscience quite heavily, and I still don't know how to handle the two conflicting emotions. I'm trying to tread carefully without denying myself every happiness of this long-awaited pregnancy—but many times I just don't know how to act.
Body: The bump is definitely looking like a legitimate belly at this point (even though it is rather hidden in the above photo!). I am ready to live in maxi skirts for the next five months, to be completely honest. No baby kicks yet, although I anticipate it happening any time, considering I felt Eisley's first acrobatics around 17 weeks. We (Eisley and I!) heard the heartbeat for the first time at my most recent appointment, which was absolutely incredible. Even the second time around, this whole pregnancy thing feels like a complete miracle.
Miscellany: We scheduled the big ultrasound for the 23rd, and it's so bizarre to think about how we will know the gender of this wee one before the end of the month. (I'm still thinking it's a boy!) We are on the search for a 2BR place within our price range, so we can hopefully move within the next few months. And I must say that searching for a new rental when you are actually quite happy with where you currently live pretty much sucks. (Isn't there a way to just easily tack on an extra bedroom somewhere? No?) We've been in this little duplex for 7 years now, and I'm secretly hoping to find something similar in the same area, because the idea of starting over in a new city (even if it's close) makes me a little weepy. I just want to feel like wherever we end up is some sort of a step up, and not just us settling on something decent so we can have two bedrooms instead of one. Finding a non-murdery rental (especially because we'd rather not go back to an apartment complex) for less than $1300 in this area feels like a wild goose chase on most days, so we shall see. Fingers crossed, my friends. Fingers crossed.
— Further reading: My first pregnancy, 16 weeks