June 10, 2013

on miscellaneous musings...

On Saturday, I spent a couple hours to myself. I browsed the shelves of my favorite used bookstore for almost an hour, picking up a gift for a friend. Then I spent some time drinking fancy coffee and reading a book and people-watching in Starbucks.

It's always a little odd, spending time completely by myself. For some reason, I have trouble getting away. For a long time I've been telling Jay how much I want a weekend away, how much I need a day to spend by myself, how unfair it is that he's been able to get away for weekend trips for a few times already this year.

And as it turns out, I don't think I actually need that. Maybe I just think I need it, or after an especially difficult week, I feel like I deserve it. But even when I spend only a couple hours away from Eisley and Jay, I get antsy to get back. I feel awkward when I glance into my rearview mirror without seeing Eisley looking back at me.

There have been a few things that have made me realize how overwhelmingly lucky I am. How blessed I am. These are things that I've always known, but to really sit down and actively realize them is a a whole different experience.

There are certain things I worry about, and I stop to think how embarrassing it is to worry about something like that.

I never want to get lost in the things that don't matter. I don't want to live my day to day life just going through the motions, not helping anyone else, not having an awareness of how other people live.

I married a man who consistently makes my life better. I'm always so amazed by how different our relationship is now, as compared to when we first fell in love. Different in good ways. Not a week goes by without some sort of argument or frustration, but it's okay. We're good. We're lucky. I'm lucky to have him.

Plus, the man can make a mean lemon bar. Who knew? I think I married well.

I recently watched Lost Angeles and Bully, and I can't recommend them enough. I'm currently reading The 7 Experiment and Quiet, and they're both equally fantastic. I can't stop listening to John Mayer's Born and Raised album…why is it that his music always feels a little bit like a soundtrack to my life?


  1. "I never want to get lost in the things that don't matter. I don't want to live my day to day life just going through the motions, not helping anyone else, not having an awareness of how other people live."


  2. I feel the same way -- I feeling this burning need to get some time to myself (and I already work outside the house 40 hrs/week!), then when I get it, I feel sort of unmoored and ready to get back home... it's very strange.

  3. Quiet has been on my to-read list for months! I hear it's really good.

  4. So often, your blog leaves me with a more calm and better perspective on things. Thank you for that, sometimes it's what I need.

    I just picked up Quiet from the library a couple days ago since I've heard it's wonderful!

  5. Loved all your thoughts! Love what you said about not wanting to get lost in things that don't matter. That's a good thing to remember :)
    I watched Bully over the weekend too! It was very sad, but very great to watch. I wish it was shown all over schools everywhere. Glad you saw it, and enjoyed it as well.

  6. It can be hard sometimes for moms to stop and enjoy time alone. I usually can enjoy a few hours and then I'm ready to get back to my kids.
    I too love your thoughts on getting lost on things that don't matter and being aware of how others live. I live one mile south of where the big tornado hit in Oklahoma a few weeks ago and every since then it has given me a lot of perspective. Just when I want to complain about something small I realize all that I have and all that my friends and community do not have. It really has given a lot of us an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

  7. I completely feel the same way about everything you just said (except for the books and what you've been watching).

    Sometimes I'll confess a something I've been worrying about (or trying not to worry about) to my husband and he gives me this look like "Are you kidding me? How did that even enter your mind?" Fortunately, that gives me the mental shake I need to let go of those thoughts!


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