March 26, 2013

on staying put...

It's 3:30 in the afternoon and Eisley finally went down for a nap. I feel like I could go for a bit of shut-eye myself (or a good cry, come to think of it), but I figured I'd write instead. So, here I am.

A couple weeks ago, some of our friends found us a great listing for a two-bedroom apartment right down the street from us. The wood flooring alone made me want to sign the lease immediately, not to mention it only cost $50 more a month than we're already paying for rent each month. After our friends helped us finally set up a meeting with the manager, I walked inside so ready to be head over heels for this new place.

After walking through, I was so eager to move that I told Jay I thought we should fill out the application right away. We walked home (yes, it was that close to where we currently live) while excitedly talking about how easy a move would be when we already knew the area. We were so happy about the prospect of having two-bedrooms and a new place to fill with all our things.

But then, after we got home, I started to over-think everything. Just the usual. I actually woke up at 2AM the next morning, unable to fall back asleep, picking apart the entire apartment in my head, trying to figure out how our couches would fit and where we'd put my favorite chartreuse table. I thought about how the new place had the same square footage as our current place, which meant that although we'd get another bedroom, both bedrooms were pretty tiny. The bathroom had a funny colored sink, and there was more tile and less wood floors than I'd originally thought.

I think the biggest thing for me was the idea of going from a house-ish sort of place back to an apartment setting. From the photos we saw in the listing, it didn't look like it was much bigger than a four-plex, but the lot went much further back than we thought. Punching codes to get into the complex, walking up stairs and past other doors on the way to what would be our own. When I got home and started thinking about it, I started to feel homesick for our duplex, which is so silly.

But I feel like so much of what appeals to me about our duplex is how it does feel more like a house. We don't have a yard or a connected garage or a huge amount of space, but it feels like a house. And that means a lot to me, for some reason.

It's no surprise that living in a one-bedroom duplex with a toddler gets to be a wee bit…cramped. There are days I feel like we're bursting at the seams, out of storage space, stuck in a small place that is in need of quite a few fixes. (Stretched carpets, peeling paint, windows that refuse to open, and the like.) Recently, I've been so ready to be somewhere our daughter can have her own room, and we can feel more like an average family (or, you know, what I've come to believe that is, in my head).

I've been hoping and praying so fiercely and frequently, that I sort of figured when this place came around so out-of-the-blue, that it was definitely going to be "it". But I guess that's not always the case, you know? Sometimes things are just things and not the answer to prayer you think they must be. If anything, at least it made me happy to be where we are, and less eager to settle on something only because it gives us an additional bedroom and on-site laundry.

I'm grateful Jay didn't make me feel bad for being such an emotional mess about the whole thing. As it turned out, he said he was fine either way. (He tends to over-analyze things much, much less than I do, obviously.)

So, here we stay, and I'm trying to figure out if I should really start to bug our landlord about the few things that have been bothering me for a while. I never know what sort of things are up to us, and what things he would be able to cover the cost of fixing. Also, I hate calling him because he makes me nervous. (I'm fairly ridiculous.)

I won't stop hoping and praying that a bigger place comes along—one that is in our price range, which is difficult to find around here—but for now, we're staying put.


  1. If he knew you were thinking about moving out over those things, I'm guessing he'd think pretty hard about fixing them. Getting new tenants (advertising, fixing up the place, etc) is expensive! Much better to keep the good tenants he has. Ask!

  2. I understand this! We want a home so badly and we often see so many we love and want to go for it but then start thinking and decide to stay! Hard to be patient!

  3. Finding a new place to live is so difficult. When we moved out of our last apartment and into the in-laws to find a house, we never thought that we would be here much longer than anticipated. In order to find what will work for us, it is going to take more time and more money.

    You will get a bigger place in due time. It's so easy to want it so badly that you feel you would do almost anything for it, but as I'm learning, God will bring us the right place at the right time.

  4. I have been searching for a bigger place as well because we are bursting at the seams in our tiny one bedroom 725 sq ft duplex. After 6 months of over agonizing every little thing and getting excited then disappointed we finally found a place. I loved that our place was more house like then apartmentey (is that word haha). I think you have the right attitude- don't settle because there will be other places.

  5. I definitely think you should ask your landlord!!! I know it's scary. I do most of the phone calls etc. because they make Jen very nervous as well. When you talk to your landlord, just tell him you aren't sure what is or isn't your responsibility and see what he's willing to do.

    Good luck, lady. <3

  6. You've been nice, loyal tenants all this time - a few fixes shouldn't be a problem! Make Jay bug the landlord :)

  7. oh friend i feel you on this. although we don't have a toddler, our one bedroom place slowly feels like it's closing in on us and we've been looking at places and just, it's so daunting. i love our place and our neighborhood so much, i just need it to be bigger and i keep seeing places that i think i can adjust for, but we shouldn't have to adjust to somewhere we're going to make a home. fingers crossed our bigger places come to us soon! xo

  8. Jay is my favourite. "Are we moving? Are we not? Just let me know." I love his laid-backness.

    1. I'm very grateful I married someone with the patience of a saint (most days). ;)

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  10. I can totally relate. We live in a tiny studio apartment. We don't have a little one yet but some days I imagine a baby in this studio and it makes me want to leave now. Our studio is brand new with a laundry closet and new appliances so when moving to a bigger place comes up, it is hard to want to leave these nice things for older, beat up ones. If we are unable to buy a house soon, I will be staying put in this glorified dorm room.


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