June 1, 2012

on a few confessions...

The other day, I had McDonalds for lunch. I was at the stoplight, fully meaning to finish the short drive to our duplex, but at the last minute I did a u-turn and hit the drive thru. One filet-o-fish, large fry and snack size Rolo McFlurry later, I felt like a hot mess. I threw the McDonalds bag into the outside garbage can and told Eisley not to tell daddy. I bought her silence with half a french fry.

I am a little too obsessed with Sister Wives. Their lifestyle is fascinating to me. I can't stop watching.

Sometimes it's a little nice to see the cracks in someone else's life. To realize that everyone struggles, nobody is perfect, and that if something seems too good to be true, it may be just that.

I should probably shower more often. Stay-at-home-mom problems, right?

Lately, I feel socially awkward. Maybe it's because I'm not surrounded by people other than a wee child for most of the day, as I have been for most of my adult life. I just feel nervous, jumpy—like I'm completely out of place. Maybe that's why most days I find myself just wanting to stay home.

I don't talk to my sisters enough, even though I think of them daily. Silly little inside jokes and childhood memories pop into my head throughout my long days, and I can't help but wonder when we'll all be in the same room again. Distance hurts.

I've been thinking a lot about how self-discovery is kind of this never-ending process. Just when you think you have a handle on yourself and what you want or who you truly are, you realize there are a million tiny things left to learn. And although I should perhaps be a little overwhelmed by that fact, it is oddly comforting.

17 comments :

  1. I don't know if you have a smart phone (or if your sisters do) but I use the app Voxer with my sister. We're closer than we've ever been.

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  2. I love Sister Wives too, and Aaron just does not understand my fascination with it. I think they all seem like kind, loving people... even if their life choices are different than my own.

    I haven't washed my hair since...well, it's been several days, let's just put it that way.

    I hope your sisters are with you soon <3

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  3. I still feel socially awkward most of the time and my son just turned two. I'm completely at ease having a conversation with him or any of his little friends but talking to "big people" gives me a stomachache - even after I've been back at work for over a year. If you (or any of your readers!) have a solution to this problem - please let me know!

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  4. That last paragraph. Entirely and forever.

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  5. Kerri, I seriously wish you lived next door so we could be socially awkward with one another every day. ;)

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  6. I literally feel like you take words right out of my mouth and thoughts out of my heart. On being a wife, mom, and twenty-something year old woman. I just had a convo with my husband a couple weeks ago about being feeling socially awkward, I feel like I struggle everyday with my self-discovery and my "new" identity as a mother.

    Well-written. Even though your posts have been sparse lately, I still enjoy every one!

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  7. I've been having a hard time with McDonalds after reading a food article - not even gonna link - but I always had loved them before. (Even if they made me ill, haha.) Also, I find other lifestyles fascinating as well. I don't watch Sister Wives, but I do find myself drawn to most A&E shows, haha. Also, I could totally shower more often as well and I ain't even a momma. I don't know why, but the process of actually showering is a TASK. But once I'm in the water I'm like I LOVE THIS.

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  8. That last paragraph. I am really, really struggling with that right now. And hell, pretty much all of 2012. XO

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  9. Oh my goodness. The part about seeing the cracks in others' lives...I totally feel you there!

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  10. being a stay at home mommy after working for 8 years totally threw my identity for a loop....when I finally see adults from time to time, I tell them I am going "potty". They look at me strangely....and I wonder in what world I fit in anymore? I feel you sister. I seriously wish you lived next door to me too, we could hang out with our greasy hair and watch sister wives :)

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  11. I understand what you mean about family distance being so hard. My sisters are spread out all over the East Coast, and I don't know why we don't stay in better touch. I think it's just so much to keep up with real life that "long distance life" gets left behind, and it's a balance I wish I didn't have to figure out. I'm definitely going to check out that Voxer app. We'll see.

    It was great to see this post, I've missed your words! Keep fighting the good fight.

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  12. I know exactly how you feel, being a SAHM isn't as easy as it seems. Have you thought of joining a mom meetup group in your area? That helps a bit since you get to communicate with other adults :) it gets better, and you start to shower more often ;) but idon'tthink i'vewashed my hair in 4 days now...

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  13. Yes on the showering. It's almost as if I feel like I don't have the right to shower every day anymore.

    And yes on the socially awkward. I will come up with all sorts of excuses to skip out on events I don't have to be at. I did it today.

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  14. Yes! I completely agree with so much in this post. Seeing the cracks in others seemingly "perfect" lives. It makes me love them even more because they are more human to me.

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  15. I often find myself being socially awkward. I work in an office, by myself about 85% of the time, I have a super super small family and only a handful of close friends and when I'm outside my comfort zone, I'm a mess!
    I love Sister Wives too. I don't know what it is about it. The whole thing intrigues me. Although, I really wish they would explain what exactly leads them to believe that plural marriage is Godly and better than a monogamous marriage. Their whole dynamic though is simply amazing. I don't know how they do it.

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  16. Distance does hurt but it also makes us appreciate our heart people just a little bit more I think. I have a few people in my life who are so many miles away from me but whom I hold so close in my heart. I mean, obviously I'd rather have them here! every day! for many hugs! but there's something comforting about knowing they're my people no matter how far apart we are.

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  17. I can totally related with the drive thru and then hiding the evidence ;) I love audiobooks too...I just finished Catching Fire and started Mockingjay but it expired (from the library download) before I was done ... boo ... I guess I am back on the waiting list!

    Love your blog - new follower!
    ♥ Shia

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