Things have been a tad bit hectic around here for the past few weeks. Mostly due to Eisley's sleep schedule being a living nightmare that has left me an emotional, dirty, crabby, and frustrated human being (I'm nothing if not dramatic, obviously). It is difficult when you feel like no matter what you do, nothing is getting better, and you feel like you're failing fast.
After not getting more than two consecutive hours of sleep for a few weeks, you start slowly transforming into Kate Gosselin (not so much the haircut, but more along the lines of angry, emotional demon woman) and realize that all you really want in life is to take a shower more than twice a week. And to take a nap without feeling like you should be doing something more important instead—like vacuuming the floorboards or meal planning or doing pilates or shaving your legs.
Anyway, the past two days have felt like a breath of fresh air. It feels 100% different. All of a sudden, without changing anything at all, Eisley is napping, sleeping better at night, not being a complete fuss-budget during the day, and I'm feeling like I'm no longer holding on by a thread. I've been able to work on some new items for the shop, organize my poor excuse for a crafting nook, answer a few emails, actually wear something other than yoga pants before noon, and enjoy a little bit of sunshine during the day.
And Eisley? She is absolutely amazing. The girl never stops moving and is busy crawling all over the duplex and has even stood on her own several times in the past week. She loves books, trying to destroy my picture frames, bath time, sweet potatoes, and giggling at my shenanigans. She keeps me both busy and overjoyed. She's nearly eight months old. It's hard to comprehend how quickly she's growing up. And I want to capture all these moments before they're gone.
I do feel like I've lost my blogging mojo, though. I've been thinking a lot about it lately. I hesitated to mention it, initially, because it sounds like I'm just asking for attention—which isn't it at all. I keep wanting to write, and I write posts in my head while on our daily stroll through the neighborhood, or while cooking dinner. But I can't seem to muster up the motivation (or something I can't quite put my finger on) to actually sit down and post what I want to. Sometimes I feel like I'm just adding to the noise around here, and that is never what I've wanted to do.
I don't think I'll ever be a stylish mommy blogger, or creative enough to share adorable tutorials, or someone who starts a revolution with their words. I'm not sure why I feel this ridiculous need to live up to some standard, but I do. Nowadays, at least. I kind of want to go back to just writing to write, and not worrying about the response or if it's good enough to press "publish". Once I start thinking that way, I know that I need to step back (which is why I've been missing around here lately).
Well, I'm going to go eat second lunch (it's a thing, I swear) and see if I can clear my head a bit. The wee one has been asleep for a couple hours, and I'm going to enjoy the silence while it lasts.