September 26, 2011

on who I am (at the moment)...

at the moment.

I am…

…realizing that perhaps I should make an effort to do my hair more often, because (contrary to what I see in the mirror most days) I do actually clean up well. A head full of curls is definitely a bit better than a scrubby, fourth-day-hair, messy-bun.

…learning to function on the little sleep I get here and there. It's surprising, based on the fact that sleep is high on the list of my favorite things in the world. (Also on the list? Hanson, Olive Garden breadsticks and first kisses. But I digress.) And although I never saw myself as someone who would embrace co-sleeping, it's the only way I can ever manage to get four consecutive hours of shuteye. So, I'm going with it. For now. (Also, it's rather precious to have a tiny little nugget sleeping on my chest for part of the night. I can't help but smile.)

…hoping to reopen my Etsy shop on October 1st. Getting new items made is a slow, slow process these days, but I really want to start creating again.

…eating my weight in salted caramel ice cream. Yes, there is such a thing. And it is divine. (I found some at our local Vons, and it is the store brand. Now, go eat some and thank me later.)

…grateful for my husband's patience.

…struggling with guilt that seems to weigh on me, no matter what I do. I worry I put too much pressure on my husband to be the sole provider for our family, I worry that I don't show my appreciation of people enough, I worry that I disappoint those I love and admire, I worry that I don't do enough—or, at the same time, that I do too much. I know this is something that I've always struggled with, but it's somehow magnified at this point in my life. It comes and it goes, though, and I just take it one day at a time.

…having the worst time deciding on a baby carrier/wrap to purchase. Way, way too many options. Hold me. (And my baby, because I'm getting tired, yo.)

…feeling homesick; but, then again, it's always worse this time of year.

…ready to start decorating for the new season. You know, with more than just the tiny lotus bowls I filled with autumn-colored peanut M&Ms. (They may or may not already be half-empty. This is why I don't buy candy.)

…remembering all these wonderful stories from my past. Memories from all the years leading up to now—both my childhood and my more recent history. And I think I need to start writing some of them down. Even if nothing ever comes of it, I've always thought I should write a memoir. If only for Eisley to enjoy someday.

…missing being pregnant. It's weird, because even on the most difficult days I can't help but think about how I absolutely can't wait to have another baby. (I don't say these things out loud to Jay, of course, because he would have a stroke.) I'm thankful to have this time to focus solely on our first little daughter, though, and know I can't get ahead of myself.

…hopeful for the week ahead.

25 comments :

  1. Salted Caramel Ice Cream? DIVINE. I had it for the first time the other week and need to buy it again, pronto. You're dong fine, Momma.

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  2. I was one of those "my child will never sleep with me!" people. And then I had a kid and the longest he would sleep in his bed was 45 minutes. We're co-sleeping. For now.

    Someone recently told me that the best parents are those without kids and I get such a giggle when I think of all my pre-kid "my child will never ..." declarations.

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  3. I have never heard of such a thing as salted caramel ice cream. Need to find some STAT!

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  4. You are too cute. I just love your blog. I've had great success with the Moby wrap, so that would be my recommendation :).

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  5. Enjoying your new posts lately... Your writing is always a delight to read!

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  6. glad to have you posting again i always get happy when i see new ones in my reader :) i hope your store reopening is enjoyable and that you find the best baby carrier for you...maybe you could borrow a few to try?

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  7. You write so beautifully! :) I can totally relate to feeling like you cannot do ENOUGH or you do TOO much. I struggle with issues of guilt. I am one of those people that cannot say no to people, and if I do, I feel terrible! It's a hard balance to find and it's hard to be at peace when others' feelings are on the line. We can only do as much as we can, and we need to give the rest to God. :)

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  8. Guilt sisters fo' life!

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  9. Don't stress too much over a carrier purchase. You will love whatever one you get! I have an ergo that I use all the time (and is super comfy), Beco's also look really nice.

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  10. I just said "yay!" out loud to the computer screen and my dog looked at me like what is wrong with you, lol. You really should write that memoir, lady! Your fans would buy it. :)

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  11. I just purchased the Maya wrap and it's wonderful. I love it because it's so easy to get the baby in and out, but the best part is breastfeeding. Nobody would ever know the baby is nursing because the fabric just covers everything up.

    And I had the exact same thoughts about having another baby as soon as mine was born. As soon as I stopped worrying about it, I found out I was pregnant again. The babies will only be 16 months apart- exciting and scary.

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  12. I just found your blog, it's so pretty! Congrats on your new baby, looking forward to reading more posts!

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  13. Oh Kerri! I am glad you are back and blogging and enjoying mommyhood. I am seriously thrilled to bits for you! It's the best job ever. And don't worry, the guilt is normal, but it will fade...just remind yourself that you are doing the work of angels in raising a healthy little one! Oh, and I recently decided on the moby and Wyatt LOVES it, granted he is a bit older than Eisley, but I couldn't be more pleased! So much more comfortable than the bjorn style I used for my first two.

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  14. i'm excited to see new things in your etsy shop! you always make such lovely things.

    salted caramel ice cream?! whoa.

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  15. Salted caramel ice cream is amazing! There is a little stall at the Borough Markets that sells a home made version, and I can't not stop there and get a cone! :)

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  16. First time commenter here, but I love your blog. I have a 6 month old girl so I am reliving those early weeks through you. I have a Moby and a Bjorn. The latter was a hand me down, thankfully because I really only need and use the Moby. I'm so glad I didn't shell out a ton on a more expensive carrier because the Moby is all you really need. Just my 2 cents :-)

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  17. My friend and her mom made/sewed a pseudo-Ergo. On the cheap!

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  18. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! Co-sleeping is a must if you want to stay the least bit sane. Don't feel guilty--you're doing it for your whole precious little family, not just yourself. "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Hugs and butterfly kisses.... xoxo

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  19. I'm a writer, but I lean to fiction. That said, I totally agree, it would be wonderful if everyone wrote a "memoir" for their children to read. Perhaps, in a way, that's what we've started doing with our blogs...

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  20. Please write a memoir. It would be fabulous.

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  21. Love this post Kerri as it truly sums up all those feelings of a first time Mum I am sure. I look forward to your shop re-opening as I had a few things eyed up for Christmas presents and look forward to hearing which carrier you choose because yes there are too many choices!
    Finally I am hoping that I can cope with the lack of sleep when the time comes - sleep features very highly with any kind of descent mood with me!
    Happy last week of September. xx

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  22. You and the M&Ms? That's be me as well! I can't have chocolate around me and not eat some!
    And that's also be me about deciding which baby carrier/wrap to purchase! I don't have a baby myself, but I'm bad at decision making!
    I actually saw a Mom put her baby in a carrier(the one that goes in the front of her) and I worried that maybe the baby would fall. But it didn't. Which is good.

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  23. i'm new to your blog (linked over via summer harms) & i am loving your words! i don't know if this is on your list of options but i have a moby wrap & love it! and....we are accidental co-sleepers as well. :)

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  24. You love Hanson?! This makes me love you more...I LOVE Hanson. I'm actually going to their concert next week :)

    Also, your post on falling in love. brought tears to my eyes. You nailed on the head with "you can't get close enough" Oh, how I miss that feeling!

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