on being twenty-six...

Well, I've been twenty-six for five days. I'm unsure of whether my lack of writing a post about it was out of necessity or choice. These days, I've been a bit more closed off and tucked inside myself. Which is okay, I think.

In any case, I must say I'm a fan of twenty-six.

One thing that has really stood out to me this year is how this is the first time I've actually felt my age. For the past handful of years I started to think I was going to feel perpetually sixteen. However, this year something in me has changed. I feel twenty-six. I'm not sure why this is, except that maybe I feel a bit more settled. Comfortable in my own skin, self-assured, confident.

It's odd, though, how life never happens exactly how you thought it would. Ten years ago you could have come up to me and asked where I'd be at twenty-six and I'd probably say something like this:

Oh, I'll be married and have a nice home with my husband. He'll be a musician, probably, and write me poetry and songs that make me weep in the best way possible. I'll be an artist and a mom, probably have of a couple kids. Twins. Because they run in my family and that's just awesome. I'll drive a Jetta. I'll be living down the street from at least one sister, seeing them on a daily basis. And I will be such a good cook! I will make dinner every night and always have baked goods in the kitchen. I will shop at Banana Republic and still be a size zero and buy makeup from the fancy counters at the mall.

Needless to say, that isn't where life ended up taking me.

I'm too many states away from my family, paying over $1,000 to rent a cozy duplex in which I can hear our neighbor using the facilities in the morning when I'm trying to brush my teeth. I have a husband who will probably never write me a poem, but has the unique talent of writing me songs that don't make any sense, are a little off-key, and make me laugh for days. I like to consider myself an artist and a crafter, despite not doing it full-time. As for motherhood, all I can do at this point is dream of looking down at a pregnant belly and spending hours upon hours picking out names for my twin daughters (wishful thinking), but there is no doubt in my mind that I will be a great mom when the time comes. Instead of a Jetta, I drive a car that looks like a coconut jelly bean and the only thing I feel truly confident cooking are scrambled eggs. I live far away from my sisters, but I absolutely live for those phone calls that make me laugh, cry and feel 100% understood. And as for my shopping habits? I'm sure we all know by now that I spend way too much time on the Anthropologie website for not owning even one single piece of their clothing, preferring to shop at Target for pretty much everything.

Still, I love where I am. I tend to miss my family a little too much, shake my fist at Southern California drivers on a fairly regular basis and struggle to balance work with the rest of my busy life, but I'm doing okay. Better than okay, most likely.

When I think about where I am, I can't help but blessed. Things are cozy. I am loved. I have all I need and so much of what I want. And most days, my hopes and dreams feel like they are just around the corner. Everything seems to be falling into place just when I need it, you know? And even on the days when all I want to do is curl up and have a good cry, I know that there are so many people who care, who love me, who are just waiting for the chance to encourage me and tell me it's going to be okay.

It's comforting to know that life doesn't have to follow all my plans in order to be exactly what I need.