on time management and other grown-up things...

Lately, I've been busy. I've been filling up nearly every moment of my day with something productive. It's given me a great sense of accomplishment, as well as a sense of purpose, I suppose. Being a girl who is generally overwhelmed when there isn't plenty of time to relax and be lazy, it's been an interesting step out of my comfort zone.

And although I'm making time for happy hours and movie nights with my husband, holiday get-togethers with friends and family, consuming only popcorn/cake/a bottle of wine for dinner (and other general shenanigans), I feel a bit like I don't have much time to breathe.

I've been working feverishly to keep my etsy shop stocked for the holidays, and have had many custom orders to fulfill. I'm busy stitching and snipping and stamping and shipping. Buying supplies, fulfilling orders, making sure my head doesn't explode as I attempt to find a way to stay organized as business picks up, taking time to slow down and enjoy the creative process as much as possible. I'm working hard to find the balance between the business side of things and the happiness side of things. It's been overwhelming and exciting, and really? I love it. I only feel more motivated and I feel like dancing around on my tip-toes when I think ahead to what the next year will hopefully bring.

However, my issue of the moment is the fact that not only do I have what feels like a full-time creative job, I also have an actual full-time "real" job. I don't talk about my "real" job often because, quite frankly, I would like to keep it. I'm not a fan of getting fired over a blog. So, to give you an idea in broad, general terms: I may or may not work in customer service, and it may or may not be at some sort of an airport. Okay, there. (If I get fired over that, then my brain will implode, so help me God.)

I've been working there for nearly five years, and to be completely honest, I find myself becoming more and more withdrawn from it. First of all, it is not my passion. It isn't in a field that I ever saw myself working, and although there are coworkers and customers that I love to bits and pieces, it's definitely not a place in which I thrive. There is little to no opportunity to move up within the company and it's a decidedly uncreative business. In short, it is a job that I'm very thankful to have, something that I'm quite good at, but I'm not very invested in it...if that makes any sense.

More and more I look forward to the time in my life where I can break free from the 40 hour work week, time cards, a corporate environment and, above all, nylons. (Nylons are a large part of my own, personal hell.)

In the last few months, I've really begun to feel the strain of balancing two very important things. And I definitely feel like one of them is holding me back from truly excelling in the other.

I've had to juggle so much of my time and energy between what I love doing and what I have to do to pay the bills. I spend all morning crafting and then quickly throw on my uniform before realizing I only have only five extra minutes to spend shipping things at the post office. Then I realize there are three phone calls I haven't yet returned, I didn't have time to pack my lunch and there are three half-read books and one neglected Real Simple magazine on the coffee table, staring up at me like I'm a freak of nature. I run out the door, make sure I have my skirt zipped up, have just enough time to ship a few packages and then it's off to begin my "real" workday. After 8.5 hours I rush home and snuggle with my husband (read: try to lay on the couch with him before he gets irritated by my squishing him) only to continue making a list in my head of things I need to get done.

I need to make three new wallets, finish up the custom notecard order, place an order for felt, organize my crafting nook, ship two packages.

I need to figure out who I still need Christmas gifts for, decorate the house, try to find time to take a decent photo of Jay and I to send out with Christmas cards, actually buy Christmas cards, or New Years cards, or any cards at all.

I need to get back to the gym, stop eating so much crap, buy more vegetables, actually start making some recipes I've been meaning to try for the last year, clean out the fridge, hang shelves in the kitchen to display my adorable new lotus bowls, stop being so hard on my body, work harder on loving exactly what I am.

I need to call my family more, edit the rest of the photos and video from my vacation, answer the emails piling up in both my email accounts, respond to blog comments, actually post in my blog, catch up on everyone else's blogs.

And so on and so forth. Such are the thoughts swirling around in this head of mine.

The thing is, I'm okay. I'm enjoying my life and all the brilliant things it is filled with at the given time. I guess that what it comes down to is this desire I have to work towards my creative goals...full time. It's not even scary to me anymore, thinking of moving away from my "real" job and full-speed towards crafting/writing/photography. More and more I feel like it's less of a daydream and more a matter of when it is going to actually happen.

That's exciting, kind of.

Mostly because it lessens the feelings of the twenty-something angst I know all too well. The ones that make me wonder what it is I'm meant to do, what I should be doing, what choices I should make. When I think of doing things on my own terms and having my own business, I can't help but feel like I've finally found the answer to all those questions. (Well, some of them, at least.)

Makes me feel all grown up. Which is certainly a welcome change.