November 7, 2009

on being busy (and the phantom pregnancy)...

I've actually been busy lately. Which has been both really weird and really awesome at the same time.

Having said that, I kind of don't know how to handle it considering I'm easily overwhelmed and tend to freak out if I have more than two things to accomplish within the span of one day. (It's a little ridiculous, really.) But, I'm managing. It kind of feels good to have so many full days, you know?

Aside from my regular 40-hour work week, I've been focusing a lot on two additional things: getting healthy and working to build my etsy shop into more than just a hobby. So, much of my at-home time is spent embroidering and assembling and stitching and cutting (fabric, not myself, in case you were worried). I have a ridiculous amount of custom orders that I have been working on, which is actually quite delightful. I love when people contact me with a special request because I totally have one of those Sally Field moments: "You like me! You really like me!"

I may or may not recite that on a fairly regular basis. Maybe I have insecurity issues? Maybe I just have a girl-crush on Sally Field circa the Gidget days? Which apparently makes me a pedophile because I just checked Wikipedia and Gidget was supposedly fifteen-and-a-half?

Anyway.

Aside from all my crafting, I've also been attempting to get back into a regular running schedule. I'm frustrated, though, because apparently my efforts at the gym (which include being sweaty beyond all reason and attempting to blend into the wall) aren't paying off as much as they should be. Because I'm still gaining weight. And I do not approve of this, because it is not healthy weight - it is fluffy weight. Weight that makes me look at myself in the Forever 21 dressing room and nearly have an emotional breakdown under the horrible lighting. (For the record, it is probably not the best idea to go shopping after a happy hour that includes a huge plate of garlic noodles and Sam Adams Cherry Wheat.)

The thing is, I'm ten pounds heavier than I was at this time last year, and I'm ridiculously irritated about it. And mad at myself, because I know it's my fault. Last year I had worked hard to reach my goal weight, and then I just got lazy, I guess. The other day I was looking at a photo of myself from one year ago and found myself feeling really jealous. Of myself.

Which I'm sure is a new low.

I've been spending my time trying to find reasons for gaining another two pounds this week, which include, but are not limited to the following: maybe I have a thyroid condition, maybe I'm pregnant, maybe I'm dying. Or maybe I just need to stop buying cases of Bud Light at Costco. Whatever the case may be, I'm kind of over it. Gahhhhh.

I decided to test out the phantom pregnancy theory yesterday because I figured if I had a wee child manifesting itself inside of me, then maybe I'd be more pleasant about my tummy pooch. And I also had a mad craving for a Slurpee the other night and I don't even like Slurpees, which seems like a pretty accurate symptom of pregnancy to me. And I also kind of wanted to leave the pregnancy test in the bathroom and freak out Jay so maybe he'd buy me flowers or something.

(I never said I was logical. But I guess that's fairly obvious by now.)

Needless to say, the test came up negative. Which is probably for the best, considering I couldn't stop thinking about that bottle of almond champagne Jay and I finished off on Thursday, and our child would most likely be born without a face after a night like that. And I kind of don't think I could handle a faceless child right now.

So, back to the gym it is. (If someone could stop by our place and finish off the rest of the Bud Light and microwave popcorn in order to save me from myself, I'd be much obliged.)

46 comments :

  1. Your posts never fail to entertain me!

    Isn't Sam Adams Cherry Wheat amazing?

    Do you ever have dreams about being pregnant? I've been having a ton of them lately, which is starting to weird me out! It probably doesn't help that I've been babysitting for the most well-behaved, beautiful little 9-month-old ever lately. Darn baby fever. And I'm not even married yet!

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  3. A faceless child LOL!!!!! omg I love you hahah!!! Um yeah, I have been feeling extra specially fluffy these days & while I can pretend I don't know where it's coming from or blame it on eating excessive amounts of food (which I've done pretty much all my life) I know the truth of the matter is, it's coming from all the mother trucking beer I've taken to drinking in the last 6mos or so. I need to stop, seriously. And while I am definitely not drinking myself drunk each time, I've definitely become one of those people who looks fwd to her one or two beers at the end ofthe day. What? When the heck did that happen?! So yeaaaah. I'd say I'd come drink all of your beer but apparently I need saving from myself too ;)

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  4. Ah, Kerri. You're so pretty and I am sorry you've been feeling "fluffy." I'm like 60 lbs. in girl, so I feel your pain. Good work on the running...you're a champion. xoxo

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  5. Congrats on your Etsy Shop orders! That's exciting.

    I'm in pretty much the exact same boat as you in regards to body stuff. I'ma lso 10 pounds heavier than I was this time last year, and also have been focusing on working out and dismayed that after 4 days of working out I'm not anywhere near to my goal weight. Ha!

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  6. OMG. I hate being jealous of myself. I look back at pictures (pre pregnancy) all the time and think... Dang, i want to be HER again. I want to wear those jeans again. I want my face to be that thin... and my tummy to not jiggle when I run up and down the stairs. My old pictures are my worst enemy. Well, that and nachos. But whatever. Anyway... I know how you feel. I'm hoping that the new year will bring a new zest for getting healthy. So cliche to make a "loose weight" new years resolution, but it really is the perfect time. I have a MAID OF HONOR dress to squeeze into in March. My goal is 10 pounds by then. Keep me accountable k? If you see me twitter that I'm eating another grilled cheese , DM be and say "put the grilled cheese down and back away slowly. Sloooowly. That's right... You're doing it."

    Ugh. Anyway. Now how you feel hun.

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  7. I'm going through the same thing with weight. All I can figure is that I'm happier and hence "pleasantly plump." At least that's what I'm calling it so it sounds more positive. In reality I think its cause I changed types of birth control.

    Congrats on the etsy sucess!!!!

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  8. Your posts never fail to make me smile! Maybe you need a work out buddy to go running with you? That usually helps me, granted I'm always the one that gets bored after 15 minutes and is ready to leave, :)

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  9. i can't wait to see new goodies in your etsy shop! you are an awesome crafter and when i'm not a broke college kid i'll have to pick up one of those adorable wallets.

    missed your posts these past couple days.

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  10. I've started slacking on the running (which I blame on winter. It gets dark entirely too early and bundling up just to go to the gym to take it all off is a pain.) I find that working out every other day and mixing it up with some yoga REALLY helps. I don't get burned out on running.

    And I can take care of the popcorn for you but you'll need to find someone else to handle the Bud Light, haha.

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  11. Please tell me where I can get some of that almond champagne!! Please let it be someplace available in little ol' Moscow....

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  12. Girlfriend, don't be so hard on yourself...you are stunning, and weight gained with friends and husbands is "happy weight"

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  13. That's always my problem when I decide that I must be pregnant too.. (for instance, yesterday): It would be okay, except how many nights have I drank in recent history, and can that possibly not result in a child who is severely troubled??

    Not that it would be the end of the world to have a child with special needs... but you know, I'd rather not have the guilt of being the one who caused it.

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  14. ! I've totally done the same thing re: the phantom pregnancy! It'd be a nice solution to weight gain that totally means ITS NOT MY FAULT. Needless to say, I'm not pregnant either. :P Luck with the running and gym going, hey. You sound pretty determined (you HAVE a running schedule, which is way more than I do!) so I think it's safe to say that you'll get where you want to be!

    Maybe you'll just take the scenic route instead of the highway. And that's perfectly cool, too :)

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  15. Haha....phantom pregnancy. I always think that too, and I HOPE that I'm pregnant to justify for the weight gain....but when it finally turns out that I'm actually pregnant, then I'm going to be wishing that I had just gotten fat for no reason! We girls are so hard on ourselves, aren't we!

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  16. You're definitely much too hard on yourself... I don't know your height/weight relationship, but in your photos you simply look gorgeous. You should NOT - repeat NOT - have a body issue, missy.

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  17. I love your writing and your free flow of thoughts. The weight thing is so hard - I dream of having that be a non-issue - it will be part of my heaven. You are so creative - I love your etsy shop.

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  18. I think that all women feel that from time to time...and I think that it gets harder the older we get. To me, that has been the hardest thing, adjusting to not being young and having the amazing metabolism of a 16 year old anymore. You might try weight lifting though because that burns more calories in the long run because it causes you to burn calories even AFTER you have worked out. Good luck and stay strong! You are a beautiful woman!

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  19. "Needless to say, the test came up negative. Which is probably for the best, considering I couldn't stop thinking about that bottle of almond champagne Jay and I finished off on Thursday, and our child would most likely be born without a face after a night like that. And I kind of don't think I could handle a faceless child right now."
    Pretty much the best way to end a post.

    Honestly, this post made me laugh. Not at you, but because you are so incredibly witty. Your posts never cease to amaze me.
    Good luck with Etsy, I just bought a hair pin from you this week {!!!}, and I hope you don't get too caught up in the weight issue.
    =D

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  20. Lol you crack me up! Well I'm having the same tummy issue and I can't blame pregnancy, unless it's an immaculate conception situation. Laziness here too, I suppose. Ah well.

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  21. I laughed at your post, but I definitely relate :) I look at pictures from our trip south a year and a half ago (which I worked HAAARD to get in shape for) and I'm jealous of myself too. It's the weirdest feeling. And then I have a cookie.

    I loled at the faceless child comment but I too have peed on the mommy and daddy stick worrying about my unborn baby being a complete mess because of my latest wine bender(s).

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  22. I am also 10 pounds heavier than last year. what gives?

    You don't have to answer this. At all! Hypothetically...Are you on a new birth control or other medication? Antidepressants? The latter is why I'm heavier. And even though I'm not taking them any more I'm still in hell trying to get the weight off.

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  23. Most women mistake a pregnancy test. I know right, how hard is it? That's why I didn't even bother, just went straight to the OB and was with child. Not saying that you really may be pregnant or anything. :)

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  24. I couldn't relate to you more in this post if I tried (at least regarding the running/weight part). I have been gaining weight for the past 3 years even though I have tried very hard to exercise and stay active.

    I'm on my 43873th attempt at running and this time, I'm actually LIKING IT which is a shock to me. I'm going to run my first 5K in two weeks. The thing is, what works for someone might not work for your body. Which makes it even more frustrating to find out that a friend lost a ridiculous amount of weight doing the same thing you are doing (However, she was also losing at least SOME baby weight).

    My husband is constantly telling me how hot and sexy I am but if I don't feel it, it doesn't matter.

    I wish you nothing but luck AND SUCCESS! in your quest to get yourself back to a weight that you can be happy about.

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  25. Muscle! Muscle is heavy. You are just buff! Maybe?

    p.s. I LOVE YOU. And miss you beyond reason.

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  26. I kind of feel like we are the same person! Gaining weight... blah. running... blah. crafting and getting that giddy-giddy feeling...ROCK ON!

    Goodluck gettin on a schedule again, I will be doing the same thing...

    Elena

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  27. fluffy weight heheh... i always tend to have an emotional breakdown in dressing rooms too.. because ive let myself get to a stage where 2 years ago - my wedding i was 10 kilos lighter to what i am now...and i have no motivation to go to the gym, and ive got a bung knee, which i am seeing an orthopaedic surgeon about this week, so currently that is my excuse... plus i like food.. that is my eating disorder, i like food and the really bad kind :P

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  28. I've gone through this once before and swore I was pregnant and had all the symptoms. Now I don't think Tyler will believe me when I really am pregnant someday.

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  29. Everyone has a weight where they feel comfortable, and even though one might look gorgeous, there is always those extra pounds that just feel so uncomfortable.

    I feel that way sometimes and I can relate to what you are feeling. But then again, I feel happy and content with life and then those extra pounds don't matter at all.

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  30. I was trying the whole post not to laugh while you are in your vulnerable phantom pregnancy state, but I couldn't help it. I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight, then HELLO! Those 5lbs brought on probably by bisquits and excessive amounts of coffee creamer are ruining my life. I am starting to run again THIS WEEK!!

    (good, its written. now if I don't do it, I'm a liar!)

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  31. You're too cute! A faceless child!

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  32. I think we've all been there...jealous of ourselves and wishing we looked like we did once upon a time. You'll get there.

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  33. I knooow what you mean. I'm feeling pretty angry because my period makes me jeopardize my work out. Like last weekend, I indulged on lychee beer, oreo cheesecake pizza ( goodness!), cheesy fries, and one of those carribean dream blizzard from dairy queen. Doh.

    Time to put my head back and being healthy again..good luck to you too! It's good to know you work in they gym again :)

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  34. I find cutting back on alcohol at times cuts down calories too, right? Well, we all know that. lol.

    Don't worry, I think I drank until a 3 or 4 weeks into my pregnancy (I didn't know I was pregnant obviously) and she still had a face! And all toes and fingers and all that jazz :)

    Don't stress about your weight. Cut back at every meal if you're really worried. Remember, Christmas is coming and all the holiday crap we're going to eat in the next two months is ridiculous - no point of stressing over something you can't change anyway! Unless you plan on eating salads at every meal. Right.

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  35. I have the same issue, but mine is since i got married. I went up almost 2 dress sizes in a year and a half. I have now gone down one dress size, but I like cake too much to lose the rest. I am trying very bard to just cut down what I eat.

    Also, I think some of you gym wieght must be muscle - for the amount of time you spend there, there is no way some of it isn't!

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  36. "...our child would most likely be born without a face after a night like that. And I kind of don't think I could handle a faceless child right now."

    Sentences like this are why I miss you so, so, SO much.

    Also, I've gained about 10 pounds too. Eff that.

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  37. lol You're so funny! Love this! =)

    I'm in very much the same boat, I have to buy a scale tonight for a guest posting gig I'm doing this month, and I'm dreading the weigh in. Lame! But necessary.

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  38. This happened to me the year leading up to our wedding.

    My solutions were this:

    Treatment for subclinical thyroid disorder (TSH < 2)

    INCREASE PILATES.

    I spin three times a week and it wasn't until I added 20 minute Winsor Pilates routine to my morning that I started losing weight.

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  39. I only look at myself in the mirror in the mornings if I can help it. Everything is much more tight and muscle-y looking then.:)

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  40. hahah. I have convinced myself I am pregnant too when I work out hard and no weight comes off!
    It is sad how I have spent so much money on prego tests Never needed!
    You explained it all so well! :)

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  41. I don't own a scale, but I no longer fit into my suit. My not that cheap suit that I've only owned for two years. My only suit. Crap.

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  42. you are an etsy rock star, just so you know.

    and man ever since i got the wii fit plus i've been trying to stick to it more, but still slacking. i need someone to eat all my junk food too, it would be a whole lot easier that way.

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  43. ummmmmm...I love you. Period.

    ps. don't sweat the pounds just do what you can to get the ball rolling the direction you want to take. 21 days to form a habit.

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  44. You are a hoot. I loved this post, but I still think you look effing hot and don't need to drop any weight. BUT I understand how you feel when you just want to go back to how things were.

    (I can't believe you took a prego test. Hilarious.)

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  45. This post is so funny. But I know exactly what you mean about feeling jealous of yourself. I think the worst part of that is the knowledge that you can have a body that you think you would be proud of, if you just tried harder. (Except my problem is that, even when I had that body, I STILL thought I was fluffy. Because, clearly, I am delusional.)

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  46. I totally identified with this! there are days where I'm like.. okay this cannot all be a bloated belly.. it's enormous! but nope. just a result of too much cheese. LOL.

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