September 6, 2009

on being a potato and other delightful things...

It's true, I'm officially in denial.

Especially about the fact that I haven't exercised in several weeks (resulting in my uniform skirt being tighter by the day, which is becoming quite uncomfortable). And the fact that I ate Taco Bell for lunch today (resulting in me feeling like I gained twelve pounds, which is always a good time). And the fact that I've grown incredibly apathetic in regards to any fitness goals I once made (resulting in me feeling like poo on a fairly regular basis, which is horribly depressing). And the fact that I just decided to eat a chocolate chip cookie because I was feeling crappy about myself (resulting in the realization that being an emotional eater is especially not a good thing when you're feeling emotional about eating).

In the last several years, my love affair with the new and healthy me has been quite hot and cold. I shift between truly wanting to make a change and being quite excited about it, to feeling like, "Meh, I'm fine the way I am. I'm not even going to bother with it." I revert back to seventeen-year-old me, who weighed 100 lbs. regardless of the fact she ate McChicken sandwiches like there was no tomorrow and only went to the gym twice in her life (and that was just to impress a boy).

I just stop caring. It sucks.

And I'm one of those people who is easily overwhelmed by it all, and discovering that I have gained any weight at all only makes me lazier. Isn't that ironic? If I find out I gained five pounds, I'm all, "Psh! I hate my life! This is ridiculous! I think I'll make a bunch of egg rolls for dinner." Instead of being motivated when I see things that prove to me I need to make a change, I get a weird attitude about it. And I kind of want to get over that attitude, because it's getting me nowhere fast. (Well, it is getting me somewhere, but that somewhere involves skirts that are cutting off circulation to my midsection, not to mention entirely too much food guilt for one person to handle.)

So, let's get to it, self. Whip yourself back into the shape you were this time last year. Don't you remember how incredible you felt?

The thing is, self, you know you're never going to be someone who adores exercise. You know you're never going to be someone who will change all your eating habits in order to look like Jennifer Aniston. (Side note: I WANT TO LOOK LIKE JENNIFER ANISTON AHHHH.) You know you will always want to treat yourself and be a slight glutton on occasion, and that's okay. We won't judge you. However, you also know what you need to do in order to feel and look your best. You know that all it's going to take is running a few days a week and making sure your late-night binges don't include an entire bag of popcorn. (Side note: MICROWAVE POPCORN IS MY HERO AHHHH.) You know that these tiny changes add up, and that it won't be long before your uniform skirt stops making you feel like a potato, you feel like a goddess when you check yourself out in the mirror while you're changing (hey, we all do it) and you feel truly at your best.

Five healthy goals:

  1. No eating after 9:00PM. (Sounds easy, but it's kind of not. Especially for the nights that I'm off work at 10:00PM and nothing sounds better than nachos made in the microwave.)
  2. Alcohol only allowed twice a week. (This is going to cut down substantially on the half-empty wine bottles Jay finds in the fridge. I have no shame.)
  3. Run at least twice a week, and build up to 3-4 times a week.
  4. Drink mass amounts of water.
  5. Think positively about self, even when feeling like poo.

And that, my friends, is my plan. (Hold me.)

61 comments :

  1. How very well put. I've been feeling slightly the same, which is why I made a "fitness bucket list" last week and committed myself to exercising every day in September. It's tough, but I know I'll feel much better about myself in the end. Good luck on achieving your goals - you can do it!!

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  2. I know how you feel. I am substantially larger than you, but I can totally agree on these goals and feelings.
    I was doing well for about 2 weeks, doing a Jillian Michaels video, going to the gym, watching what I was eating, and I even lost 5 lbs. {I know, right?} But all of a sudden, BAM, I just had no time and got back into my unhealthy slump {so I have probably gained those 5 bls right back}.
    I am leaving for college tomorrow, and I am making myself do better when I am there. I am not so much worried about weight {even though I want to lose it and look good} its more about health. I want to be a healthy woman.
    I definitely need to make my own list of goals, because when I write something down it helps me so much better.

    PS: I have been commenting like every single one of your posts and your tweets for like a month. I promise you I am not a stalker, I promise. Lol. You just really get me thinking and I can identify with alot that you say. =D

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  3. Your blog entry couldn't have came at a better time!! I have been feeling like poo too! This really motivates me to take care of myself better, and jump back on the healthy train. Can you read my mind? This is really getting eery.....just kiddin.;)

    P.S. I like your new health goals so much I am going to use them too!

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  4. Once again, we are twins. I'm in the same place right now. I make all kinds of excuses for myself (I had class today and I can't go to class and run in the SAME DAY! That's crazy!)

    Your goals sound perfect, just challenging enough! xo.

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  5. I'm right there with you! Here's to us lazy poo's!

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  6. Seriously. The not eating late at night will make a difference AND HOW. Because of my new work schedule this year (2-9), I was waiting until I got off to come home and eat dinner with Kenny. But now that I pack a small dinner and eat a large lunch, and never eat after 6 pm, I've lost 4 pounds in around 7 or 8 days. I feel so much better. Of course, you are not carrying a giant wheel of fat around your midsection, so your results might not be as dramatic as those of a ChubbO Chubbington. But still. I FEEL so much better! I was wondering when Work it Out Weekends were going to make a comeback!
    You can do it! You are AWESOME. And you have not been a potato any day of your life, missy.

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  7. #5 is my personal favorite and you have no reason to do otherwise! : )

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  8. I just love everything you write. So fun and sweet and happy, even when you feel like poo.

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  9. I totally am an emotional eater. I do not enjoy exercise and although I can learn to make it kind of enjoyable, if I take off any day from going to the gym I do not want to go for the rest of the week.

    Just keep trying and have fun with it!

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  10. Hello me. I feel like I just looked in a blog writing mirror. Yup. That's me, right now, weighting 20-30 pounds more than I should and definitely 20 more than this time last year. TWENTY. Oh unholy number of doom. And I used to LOVE running. Now I hate it.

    Ugh.

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  11. oh your plan sounds like I need to keep the plan too! Especially the talk positively about myself even when I feel like poo! And you are right- the small changes add up!

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  12. I'm totally the same way. So hot and cold with it all. I've started a fitness/food blog and it helps keep me on track- which is crazy I need help since professionally- I do behavioral counseling that specifies with weight mgmt, fitness and nutrition. Anyways, check out my health blog if you wish :) Your goals sound great!

    http://lettingskinnygirlout.blogspot.com/

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  13. Hurrah for plans! I like that your plan is more well being than losing specific inches . . . I think what I find most helpful is when I'm running or exercising with someone - then I kind of feel obliged to show up and exercise and am less likely to say 'flag'.

    :)

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  14. I think this is such a struggle for so many of us---I nearly had a breakdown (seriously, there were tears in the corners of my eyes) during yoga today when I saw how HUGE my belly is and realize (again) how much weight I need to lose. But then? I go to the state fair and eat a corn dog AND funnel cake. Cute.

    But I digress. It seems like such an issue for all girls. I think your goals are great...you are so lovely already, though! I think this will just add to you feeling better and more confident---really the most important part.

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  15. I think small changes will work for a long period of time than drastic ones. I find out people who restrict themselves too much are more overwhelmed, resulting them to quit what they do and fall back into their old eating habits without exercise. I try to find exercise that I like, not necessarily have to be complicated hard core body pump class at the gym. I only do elliptical machine at home with the occasional pilates class. Try them, you may like it :) I'm not a fan of running and treadmill and I guess I never will be.

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  16. i can concur with you!! ive been going to the gym everyday and now i've become slack and i dont want to go, but i really dont have an excuse cause it is like 1 min walk from my work. But then i go to the gym and i've put on weight... which is even more discouraging then going to the gym in the first place to lose weight. Hmm... so now i have to curb my diet... that wont be easy :P

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  17. Lovin this post! I was contemplating working out and instead came up with the excuse... "I have so much reading to do for school. I better start now". And then I read this and admitted... "I am such a liar. I plan on looking at blogs for an hour. GO TO THE GYM!"

    so thank you!

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  18. I also find that the unhappier I get with my body, the more unmotivated to change circumstances I become. Sometimes finding out you aren't the only one makes it easier to accept and move on.

    Looking at your goals, I start to question what little changes I can make to alter my own situation.

    As a side note, I've been noticing snack-sized popcorn bags at the grocery store. Maybe that's a way to sneak in a guilty pleasure with less guilt?

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  19. I love goal 5. I think I will adopt it. I'm totally apathetic about exercise at the moment. Cold weather does not help!

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  20. Your goals are great! They aren't too crazy or restrictive. I think I will possibly adopt them for myself.

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  21. That sounds like a good, realistic and healthy (pun intended) plan to me.

    And I'm sure I'm not the only one when I say I totally hear you. I think all women do at one point or another.

    Stay strong.

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  22. That sounds like a good plan. A hard plan, but a good plan. Good luck!

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  23. Mmmmmmmmmmmm, why did you have to mention Taco Bell!!? Why!? :o)

    (I tease, you know that...)

    I've been sticking to a very healthy diet for the past few months and yet I still keep gaining weight... Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. There may be a reason for that *wink* At any rate, I think it's wonderful that you're re-committing! It's okay to fall of the bandwagon and go nuts with the Taco Bell every now and then, so long as you eventually get back on that bandwagon!!

    You can do it, Kerri!

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  24. I love your goals, and I know you can do it!!

    I often feel the same way you do about exercise... I recently joined a gym with my Hubs and while I was worried it might be disastrous, it works because we push each other to go. :)

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  25. I love your goals- they're wonderful! It's so wild to realize how much our mindset has to do with how you feel. I think for me it's 90% of how I'm doing.

    Good luck on getting back on track, and good luck with the reduced alcohol intake! I've been thinking about doing that myself, we're getting too fond of cheap red wine over here!!

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  26. OH! I forgot to tell you, Orville Redenbacher makes 100 calorie bags of popcorn. They're awesome.

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  27. Good luck with your plan!

    I'm horrible about working out. I mean really, really horrible. As in, I just don't do it. I need to force myself to work it into my life, and I just don't do it. Maybe I should make a plan...

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  28. you are truly a doll. we all can relate and it gets even harder as you get older, however, that doesn't mean that you should beat yourself up any further....it just means that it is a life long process so know that and let it be okay no matter what you are feeling. your awareness alone and willingness to share on your very sweet blog is a guarantee that you will do what you need to do to take care of yourself. sometimes not on the timeline that our ego thinks we should but you will get there.
    grace

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  29. Hey, Kerri? Wine calories totally don't count. Not in my world, at least. Join my world. Love you!

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  30. Good plan!! Try not to get too down on yourself, that probably only makes it work.

    I remember reading somewhere you were like a size 4 in the gap jeans? Well, that's amazing! Just remember, LOTS of people (myself included) would kill to be a size four :-)

    Lately when I want to eat and eat, I try to remind myself that the food will still be their tomorrow and I can have it (or more) then. That helps, sometimes! Good luck!

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  31. I totally second the 100 calorie bags of popcorn. Love those. Make me feel a lot less guilty.

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  32. Hear, hear! This has been my lifelong struggle. I swear every week I'm starting my new healthy lifestyle. The truth is, we eat healthy, really healthy. But I'm blessed with a boyfriend who weighs like 2 lbs, and when he wants to make snacks, or have a beer at 10 at night, I go along with it. And I don't like light beer, which is proving to be quite the problem.

    I started that Couch to 5K program last week. I just finished week one today (followed by a half-bottle of wine and a slice of cheesecake, of course. wtf?), and i feel good. But I'd feel better if I could cut back on the potsticker snacks and bottles of beer at night. Sigh.

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  33. No eating after 9pm? Oh my goodness. I guess I'll have to start by no eating after midnight. Ughhh, I should. ITS HARD.

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  34. Good luck girly! You can do it!

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  35. Hello mirror image! I could have written this too as I'm in the SAME boat lately. Jennifer Aniston's body? Yes please. Better self-esteem? YES, please.

    Like you, I know what I need to do in order to feel/look better but sometimes the motivation goes flying out the window. I'm reaching the point where I'm super annoyed with how I feel/look so it's going to change just as soon as this cough I have goes away!

    Good luck with all your goals: You CAN do it.

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  36. I have those exact same feelings. Food and my weight is literally the first thing I think about when I wake up. I'm pissy if I had a bad day the day before...and I'm happy with myself if I ate well and exercised. I'm really motivated in the morning...but by the time I get home from work, thinking about exercising makes me want to puke...and thinking about eating a cookies makes me smile. But two seconds after I eat the cookie I'm pissed that I did. My motivation is low and I don't know what to do to get it up! I'm looking to you my friend :)

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  37. I am the saaaaaaaaame way!! Feeling fat makes me want to eat more junk! it's an endless cycle!

    Good luck on your new goals - they seem simple enough and I think you will succeed!

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  38. I run into the same obstacles, myself. Whenever I get back from the gym, I want to eat delicious stuff, not salad. My view has always been that I go to the gym so that I can eat more cake, not necessarily so I can lose weight (which is really the secondary goal).

    Kudos for you getting back on the horse, though. You're focusing on being healthy instead of being "skinny", which is really where it's at. Your goals are good, healthy ones and I'm positive that you can stick to them.

    Good juju for you!

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  39. When I get busy or stressed out, working out is the first thing to go. And I'm all, "Meh, it was nice knowing you, briefly." My gym shoes are trapped in my trunk, which I can't open since the car accident. So that's a good excuse, right?

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  40. This post describes me perfectly right now... I go through phases where I'm all gung-ho about exercising and eating well, and then I just don't want to do it anymore. It's so much easier to stay at home watching TV and eating cheezits than to motivate myself into cooking a healthy dinner, or actually doing some sort of physical activity! First step is recognizing you have a problem though, right?!

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  41. You can do it girlfriend!

    #5 is especially important! :)

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  42. you've got this! you know how i feel about all this. :) and yes, power walking is totally fine esp. if you are dealing with an injury!! try swimming? it is lower impact too! XO

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  43. Agreed! I feel like I've been slacking in many areas recently. I also beat myself up and, instead of doing something about it, become frustrated and even more lazy. I'm going to take your goals and incorporate them in my life!

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  44. for the past 2 weeks I've set my alarm for 6am in hopes that I'll get up and go running, it's yet to happen.
    2-3 times a week would be ideal for me at this point!!

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  45. Good luck to you! I can get motivated for a week or two to workout, but food is so hard to resist. And then even though I know I feel SO much better when I workout? I somehow end up on the couch eating a greasy burger from McDonalds instead. Ew.

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  46. Ok, even though you don't know me I Know you are really talking to me. I know i'm crazy for being Just like that. Esp with the odd response to feeling too fluffy. Thanks for pointing out what a weirdo I am, sheesh.

    Kandace

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  47. i like those goals. i'm trying to cut back on the midweek drinking too and the eating after nine thing is definitely in my new goals as well. but popcorn is just so damn good!

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  48. I know how you feel. I have a lot to lose and I had "this talk" with myself last week. Seriously it's time for me to stop yo-yoing.

    Biggest Loser starts next week on TV so hopefully that'll help boost my motivation!

    You have good goals to start with.. and you can do it! Rooting on ya.

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  49. Oh i am so right there with you sister! I feel the same way on a daily basis. It's a never ending cycle of getting into shape, then not caring, then realizing i gained 20 pounds, losing it, and repeat. LOL! Maybe we should start blogging or e-mailing one another of our successes (and failures). What do you think?!?! haha!

    p.s. today i actually did manage to run a mile and a half and it was great. HAHA! we'll see what tomorrow brings...

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  50. Oh, I totally feel you on this. I am the EXACT same way about being deterred by bad progress. As soon as I slip, I get annoyed because it's too hard and just give up. You would think I'd do better since I have to eat better for legit medical reasons, but um... I don't.

    I completely relate to the goal of not eating after a certain hour and how hard it is! I find myself starving at 11pm and I can't distract myself from it. And, I'm terrible with my water consumption.

    I hope you - and the rest of us! - are able to succeed at your goals. Just remember that nobody's perfect, so if you slip, don't get too down on yourself (I should probably take that advice, too).

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  51. Hey there! You gotta start somewhere so why not write it down and make it happen? Everyone's motivation wavers. You just have to find out what it is that will keep you going.

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  52. I loved your comments on my own page tonight. It's those comments that make me happy I share so much online. It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one experiencing these "fat" feelings right now. I'm right where you are. Exactly. My most recent melt down and why I decided to change things? A week ago, I was weighed at the doctor's office...And I had only lost a POUND in 3 WEEKS. It ruined a nice weekend Dan had planned for us. It's still kind of ruining my week now. Because I put in a few days of working out in...and I'm still eating better.

    And I'm discouraged that I don't see results in 3 days. UGH.

    I so appreciate the nice comments and compliments I get on my body. I know I'm not fat and that I don't look terrible. But I'm at a weight, surprisingly, that is considered overweight for my height. I've got a lot of junk in the trunk, my friend.

    I'm just going to keep on working out and eating right. I need to keep my eyes on the real prize...Healthy healthy healthy! I hope to lose weight, too. But I need to be realistic. I'm getting..*gulp*...older. I will never again be 120lbs (without seriously starving myself)...My number at the doc was 155 last week. NOT terrible. I'm just hoping that my stopping the anti-depressant a month ago will become noticeable soon.

    Ok, now I'm long comment bombing.. :)

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  53. Those are very good goals. I didn't think I'd like exercising either but I LOVE biking. It's not really a chore... it's nice and I really enjoy it!

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  54. But isn't red wine good for your heart!? I mean, you wouldn't want to neglect your heart would you?!

    On another note, good luck with your goals! It takes 22 days for something to be become a habit. Mark it on the calendar and see how you feel after those days. That's how I started running. And get tHE magazine Womens Health. It's a great fitness magazine but it has fashion in it too! {best idea ever!} If you need any motivation, I'm here! :)

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  55. Hey. I've been lurking and wondering what is your job since you seem to like it so much. I have trouble finding a job I actually enjoy going to : /

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  56. haha... oh my gosh, this post was SO me! I had Taco Bell for lunch...and was so irritated that I felt like crap because of it... that I washed it down with an Oreo. I completely hear you... I'm still trying to shed the "married 15" lbs that I gained from last year and vow that I will start running again "tomorrow". And I say this every day. I think your plan sounds delightful... perhaps I will join your efforts and see if I can stay motivated for more than two days. ;)
    PS... just found your blog and love it!

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  57. You took the words right out of my head. I'm right there with you sister.

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  58. I totally feel the same way. Over a year ago I was probably in the best shape of my life, and then it all went down hill and I'm having the hardest time getting back into it. Jennifer Anniston is def a role model for me too.

    xoxo

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  59. ironically, it is jennifer aniston who changed my eating habits. i read something she said about giving up THINKING about her diet and it was when she stopped putting limitations and expectations on herself that she lost weight. i was feeling like my own "dieting" only made me eat more, so i took jennifer's words to heart. for the last six years, i eat whatever i want as long as i am hungry. i do overeat sometimes, but i really have NO rules. i eat burgers and cookies and i am happy and satisfied. i don't exercise, because i am active and busy anyway. i weigh 108. the lowest i ever have. i love jennifer aniston :)

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  60. those are wonderful goals, lady! that eating after 9pm thing is a killer, i hear ya there. who doesn't like a bowl (or two?) of cocoa krispies at midnight sometimes? don't judge me.

    just remember to take it one day at a time (yes. just like being an alcoholic. wonderful analogy, raeleigh) and don't get too down on yourself! i think you're amazing! next time i'm in socal, #1 we are drinking wine, and #2 we shall see what we can't figure out to do with that beautiful blonde hair of yours. : )

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  61. When I quit my job I lost a lot of weight, probably about 20 lbs, because I wasn't dying for lunch as an excuse to sit down for 30 minutes. Now that I got another job, I'm not dying for lunch, but there is a yummy sandwich shop around the corner that has hot ham and cheese pitas that call my name EVERY STINKIN' DAY but I have to ignore except maybe once or twice a week. But I still eat like poo.

    So I need to work on that. These tummy pudges aren't exactly what I want to see. Ugh. Good luck! :)

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