on taking another step...

As many of you already know, on Thursdsay evening I took another small step with my photography. Okay, well, maybe it seemed small to many people, but to me it was HUGE. Like, I was bornerline naseous the entire morning. And maybe several days leading up to it. Okay, in all honesty, it began immediately after she asked me to take the photos a couple weeks ago.

I know, I have issues. I guess that I'm still working on finding the confidence that I need in order to go any further with photography. Part of me is so intimidated by the incredible people I know who do it professionally, and I seriously sit in awe of what they come up with. I'm always completely inspired and challenged and...end up wondering, "Will I ever get there?" And then I have to sit there and realize just how far I've come. I don't give myself enough credit, and often times end up second-guessing myself, or say things that show my lack of confidence. I think that I've always been like that, with pretty much anything I do that means something to me.

When my friend asked me to do her engagement photos, my first inclination was, "NOOOOO!" Not because I didn't want to, but because I have this fear of failure. Maybe I am a Negative Nancy (or, as my husband likes to call me, Bitter Betty) because I immediately thought, "Okay, she totally thinks I'm way better than I am. And what will she do if I don't take a photo she likes? Is she going to feel like she has to use one of my photos? So much pressureeee! Must not faaaaail! Hold meeeee!"

And, as it turns out, they turned out far better than I had thought they would. Which tells me that perhaps I need to be a bit more brave. And stop second-guessing myself so often. Granted, there is so much I have yet to learn about photography - especially when it comes to giving direction to the people I'm taking photos of, considering I'd rather catch random moments and not have people be all posey-posey - but, really? I'm doing okay. I've only had this camera for about a year, and I've learned a lot. I've taken so many photos that, to me, capture the most perfect moments in the most perfect way. And, really, isn't that what means the most to anyone behind a camera?

At this point, I'm learning a lot about believing in myself. I'm learning a lot about confidence, and not making excuses or downplaying what it is I do. I think, "Maybe I could do this. Maybe I am already doing it." And how will I continue to grow without taking a few steps out of my comfort zone, even with the fear of failure staring me straight in the face?

That's what it's all about, anyway.

I also can't tell you just how much of an impact all the encouragement I've received has had on me. With each person kindly pushing me towards my goal, I become more and more confident. I can't tell you how often my soul has been incredibly warmed by a sweet compliment. It's people like you who build me up, and make me brave, who help me remember to believe in myself. So, thank you. I can't tell you how many Sally Field moments I've had in the last few days, wanting to cry out, "YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!" I just want everyone to know that every bit of encouragement I've been given has truly meant the world to me. I can't thank you all enough.

As much as I like to think I could possibly find the confidence I need within myself, it's really the feedback from those I love and admire that really gives me wings.

Um, also? This photo is totally going on my fridge. The cuteness is almost unbearable. I'm pretty sure, upon seeing this photo, my soul melted completely out of my body, for the fourth time this week. (It's becoming a bit of an issue, really.)