May 11, 2009

on a few small thoughts...

(photo via f letter)

I don't have much to write about, but I wanted to put a few thoughts into writing, I guess. And this photo and quotation really fit my mood. I love when an image really catches me, and captures my attention. It really made me think, I guess. And also made me want to sink into a tall field of grass all by myself, where I could sit and ponder life and stare up at the sky for hours. There would also be calm, folksy music playing in the background, and perhaps a deer would walk by and ask me how my day was, and then the flowers would start singing and all would be well in the world.

That, of course, didn't happen. But it's a nice thought, anyway.

I've been trying to focus my thoughts on the positive things lately. It's difficult for me sometimes, which sounds terrible, but it's true. My pessimism has been a recent phenomenon - something that only recently manifested itself within the last several years. (I think I'm more of a chronic worrier than a pessimist, but my husband tends to disagree.) I believe that most of this comes from the simple fact that the older you get, the more you know. If that makes any sense at all.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being the girl who thought everything was safe, happy and perfect. Quite frankly, I miss my bubble. I find that it's a lot more difficult to keep an optimistic outlook when you become aware of all the sadness and bad things in the world.

Anyway, I've tried to soak up the good things in my life. And I hope I can continue to do so. I want to find a way to recapture my eternal optimism. I really do.

18 comments :

  1. I feel like everyone struggles to recapture the lucid optimism they felt at some point. For me it was before I started teaching... all bright eyed, wanting to change the world... the reality has been quite different. However, I am sure it manifests itself in people differently... anyway, I guess the point of my comment was that... you are not alone!

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  2. i think you're so right. as you get older you start to lose that hope that everything in the world is good and that people really are as inherently wonderful as you would like to believe. i still sort of refuse to give that up, but i think it's for the better.

    also, you could totally pull off being alice in alice in wonderland. singing flowers? :)

    stay happy pretty girl. life is wonderful. :)

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  3. I feel the same way sometimes.

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  4. Come be my neighbor! The bay is closer to washington.. even though it's not quite there, BUT I do get to see deer at least a few times a week. You would think I would get accustomed to them, and they would lose their novelty. But still every time I'm in the car with Cale I shriek DEER! He's now gotten used to hearing it, and no longer has a heart attack thinking that one is going to leap on the hood of our car a la Tommy Boy. I can still come home in the evenings and brag about seeing a deer without him rolling his eyes. He reminds me to look in the meadow near our house to see if any are there. It has become *my thing* I guess. It's the little things like that.. they make me still young at heart.

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  5. If you find a way to capture that optimism send the info my way, because I'm currently struggling with that too. Why isn't the world and our surroundings as perfect as we hope for them to be?

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  6. I miss my bubble too. Some days more than others.

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  7. I totally hear ya. Sometimes I feel like I was in a bubble until I moved here and got a job in the real world. I was never surrounded by such laziness and people who just don't give a hoot about their performance. People think I'm a great worker because I show up on time and do what is expected of me. Um...duh. Isn't that what everyone is doing?? No!

    I find it amazing I was sheltered for so long...and I want it back. I want to be around people who care.

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  8. It's so true, it's hard when you know so much.. like they say, ignorance is bliss.
    I was thinking the other day about my baby girl and how one day her eyes will be opened that there is badness in the world... She is only 16 months now and so the world is a wonderful place to her. I wish we could keep that wonder and that innocence all our lives.
    Just know that there are more good people than bad, but sadly, life isn't fair.// there are so many people we can never reach no matter how we try... oh, sorry. It's true but so sad.

    And Lucky: I thought that too!! People said to me at my job "Oh, you're such a good worker!" and I was thinking, isn;t everyone else just taking the piss???! I'm just working like normal.

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  9. “To the question whether I am a pessimist or an optimist, I answer that my knowledge is pessimistic, but my willing and hoping are optimistic”

    -Albert Schweitzer

    We'd be lying to ourselves if we said life is always a bowl of fruit loops, colorful and happy. It sucks that sometimes you have a bad day, and sometimes you're grumpy and sometimes you just want to cry. It sucks that we lose the people we love, and it sucks knowing that one day we too will no longer be here. We know this stuff, ya know? BUT that's what makes our good days so GOOD. If you didn't feel down every once in a while, how would you know when you felt really good? We can be hopeful that things turn out the way we want. We can be willing to step out of our comfort zone and experience new things and find new interests. We can be happy. So don't feel bad about this little momentary loss of your happy bubble. It's normal. At least, I think so. :)

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  10. I'm usually pretty positive, but when I slip into this perspective it's so hard to shake, I can completely relate. I think for me, it's the simple things that I focus on- friendships, e-mails, small wins, home made meals, walks with Mister.

    The big picture of life can be really scary - there's a lot of chance out there. But for me, focusing on the small things really helps.

    Maybe being outside of the bubble a little means we can plan and cope and support each other through the hard times. And maybe keeping your other foot in the bubble a little with wishing, day dreaming, and love is what's responsible for all the joy you post about here.

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  11. I love the image and the quote - thanks for sharing!

    As for your post, I know exactly what you mean. I am a chronic worrier, too, and it's because I love being absolutely prepared for anything life throws my way. Obviously, this is impossible, but analyzing every little thing is the only way I feel... safe. These sentiments have grown stronger in the past year because I no longer live close to my family and I'm in a serious relationship, so I feel like I have more people to worry about other than myself.

    Some people see it as pessimism, but I say we're just better prepared! Keep your head up!

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  12. When you find the way to recapture your eternal optimism, please share. I've been trying for awhile to do the same thing that you are experiencing. The best way I know how to is to spend time with children. Mainly over the age of 3 because I see this as the time they begin to explore and learn about the world. And be it a bug or a new word, everything is overly wonderful and exciting. Something I wish today's world displayed more often.

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  13. Being a chronic worrier takes it's toll on a body. I'm one too. And I love that photo you found. That field looks like the perfect place to soak up some sunshine and to let the worries I carry go, at least for a little while.

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  14. I just wrote a bit of a post on trying to be positive as well. I can always find the problem in a situation, rarely the bright side. So I've been really trying to work on that. Good luck!

    http://fab.typepad.com/brunette

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  15. I swear, I read this post and felt like you are my twin! I always used to be so joyful and in love with the little things in life, but as I got older, every day worries have begun to crowd out the little joys and I find myself becoming grumpier than I ever used to be. It's hard to take time to remember to think positive in the daily grind, so I give you a lot of credit for trying!

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  16. I just found your blog randomly, lurking on other blogs.

    And wow... do I ever feel the same way you do. It seems that lately, I can't seem to find the positive in a lot of things happening around me. I won't get into details on here, but I do understand what you are saying. But, just know that you are not alone, and there's always light at the end of the tunnel :)

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  17. I actually think too much optimism is a bad idea- it often leads to disappointment. I aim for positive realism.

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  18. I am a total optimist and a chronic worrier at the same time. More often than not, the worrier side comes out much stronger than the optimistic side though unfortunately.

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