April 8, 2009

on babies, babies, babies...

As of late, I've been doing my fair share of wondering. It's true. And not surprising, really, considering that my mind never feels the need to just silence itself. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, right?

I know I mentioned the whole baby-fever thing in passing, but honestly. It's in full force, and I'm not okay with this. If only I could pop a few Advil, take a sick day from work, and just get over it, then life would be slightly easier for me right now.

If I can be completely honest, much of my desire to have a baby right now comes from fear. I'm afraid of two things:

1. I'm afraid that my husband will never feel "ready" to have kids. It's silly, because Jay loves kids. He wants us to have kids someday. I know we will be parents at some point in our lives. There's no serious doubt in my mind about that. But, still, when he talks about how there is no way he's ready to be a dad at this point in life, it always makes me a little sad. It makes me a little worried. The whole thing is pretty ridiculous, though, because I feel the same way. If I think about it really, really hard, I'm totally not ready for parenthood. (For instance, I'm not ready to give up the following: happy hour, selfish spending, sleeping in until 9:30, using my time however I see fit, my stretch-mark-free tummy, giving children back to their parents when they start to poo, etc.)

I guess that I just want him to talk about it more. Because he doesn't ever talk about, it makes me have this horrible feeling that he'll just never be ready. I want him to be the one coming home in the evening and saying, "What do you this of the name Felicity? Too much?" I want him to be the one to say what a wonderful parent I'll be someday. I want him to tell me that he can't wait until we are at that point in our lives where we are ready to be parents, even though it isn't right now. I want him to be able to have a conversation about our future children for longer than thirty seconds without giving me one of those looks that says, "Are you going all baby crazy on me? Should I be worried about this? How long is this going to last? I mean, should I make a sandwich, or something?"

2. I'm afraid that it's going to take me forever to get pregnant. I like to think that I have a sixth sense about things like that. Perhaps it's some sort of self-preservation thing. Or, it could also stem from my slight hypochondria. I don't know. In the last couple years, I've just come to realize how long it can take people to get pregnant. And that scares me. I don't want the day to come where Jay and I look in each other's eyes and say, "Yes. Let's have a baby." And then from then on out I'm on this crazy baby-making spree where all I can think about is whether or not I'm pregnant. NOT OKAY. MY HUSBAND WOULD HATE ME. And I may hate myself a little bit, actually.

If I had things my way, we'd just start trying now, and we can just figure that it's going to take at least a year or two for my body to function correctly and feel the need to support a life other than my own. (Of course, if we do that, we'll probably discover that I'm ridiculously fertile beyond any understanding, and end up with triplets or something. No, thank you.)

Also, aside from those two things, I just get jealous sometimes. I am jealous of people my age who are able to be stay-at-home-moms at this point in their lives without being dirt poor. I'm jealous of couples who don't have money as a big concern, when it comes to a situation like that. I'm jealous of people who wouldn't have to put their child to bed in the hallway closet because they actually have enough room for a nursery. Actually, I'm jealous of people who even have a hallway, because seriously. I don't even have a hallway. If we were to have a baby, they would be sleeping in our bright orange bean-bag chair in the corner of our bedroom. (Have I not mentioned the bean-bag atrocity yet? No? Consider yourself lucky.)

I hate feeling jealous, especially when my life is wonderful right now. I guess that I just have a problem with being content in the moment, exactly where I am right now. I'm always looking ahead, or something. I hate when I get into moods like this, because it makes me feel so ungrateful. I have been blessed beyond anything, so, there's really no need to me to wish for something more. I have an incredible husband, a happy marriage, a steady job, a crafty business that has brought me so much joy, a handful of lovely friends, and...so much more. I don't need to have a baby to feel complete right now - so, why do I think that I do sometimes? Bleh.

So, there you go. The most ridiculous, baby-crazy, confusing post in all of humanity. Ah, well. What's a girl to do? I'm sure there are a bunch of twenty-something wives out there feeling the same way.

And I'll probably be over it in a couple weeks, anyway. Probably.

62 comments :

  1. Let me just tell you this: You have time.

    Picture my scenario: Early-30's, living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment on one income (that would be mine!) and no secure future with a baby possibility in sight. THEN you can get freaked out!

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  2. i don't comment much but i read your posts all the time. while reading this post i was like wow thank god i'm not the only person that feels like that. all my friends are having kids and the more they keep popping them out the more i'm like well geez i kind of want one lol. and C is still on the fence about having any at all. so i just wanted to say i hear you and totally feel the same way.

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  3. One thing that bothers me is that I feel like us women are always on a man's schedule. I've had marriage on my mind forever and have probably casually proposed 294716 times, but every time, I get a look of complete panic and a dramatic "SO ANYWAY." And it's not like I've been ready for marriage those 294716 times, but really, I just want to talk about the idea of it. I know it will happen, but it will happen on HIS timeline. I just feel like when it comes to big decisions like marriage and having babies, it's like we don't as much say in the "when." Anyway, I think I know how you feel. (P.S. I think this comment made me sound psycho.)

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  4. See, I just cannot fathom this feeling. I'm 26 and have NO desire to have kids, not now, not ever maybe. So the whole baby craze thing really perplexes me! But to each her own, right? I guess if everyone felt that way the overpopulation problem would just be insane!

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  5. Just last night I had a dream that Chris and I had a baby, and I was horrified, scared to death, not ready, at all. I awoke unsettled, and it was not awesome.

    Chris and I have talked a lot about kids, and while there is still more to say, I fear I may never be ready, and I'm learning to be OK with that, if that's the case. There is no golden rule, no right or wrong answer so often when the kids or no kids question comes into play. Timing really is everything, and yet, so often it's nothing at all, too.

    I suppose that's because if everyone waited until they were 100% "ready" I can't imagine the world would be as populated as it is. : )

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  6. Oh, sister, I am right there with ya. My boyfriend and I aren't even talking seriously about marriage yet, but now that ALL OF MY FRIENDS seem to be getting pregnant, I just want a little baby so bad.

    But like you, I totally understand not being ready to be selfless with my time and energy. And poop sounds totally unappealing.

    I'm also with ya 100% in the not content in the moment thing. I always have some invisible (or carefully written) "to do list" in my mind...and I can't seem to enjoy life unless I'm mentally checking things off of it.

    Sigh. Commiserating with ya.

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  7. Oh, lady. I literally could have written that post, word-for-word.

    We're young. We'll get there. And when we do, we'll have all these wonderful carefree memories of our early twenties, galavanting around with our husbands and bee-bopping with our friends.

    Logical, yeah, but it doesn't make the ache go away, I know.

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  8. I've had babies on the brain recently too, it sounds like you need to talk to Jay, not in terms of "when will you be ready" but in terms of you wanting to talk about his concerns & feelings about children. Letting him know that you're just concerned about his reluctance to talk about it might be a good way to talk around the subject so he might be more comfortable.

    Just remember that, like you said, the time before your lives are over run by wonderful (and challenging!) little people is so special too, it's time for just the two of you. Make sure you enjoy it because he will be ready someday and then everything will change. These are the before times, they are what you'll look back on in a few years - you don't need to spend them wishing, especially if you know he wants children some day.

    Then again, you can always do what I do and pretend to have crushing pain in your ovaries whenever I see children, that's been a hilarious way to break the ice! ; )

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  9. I am totally feeling the same way these days. This post could have been by me. However, sometimes my husband and I talk about kids and how we would raise them, what we would do differently than other parents. But we just keep talking. Sometimes we feel ready but then again, I want to finish school, work for awhile and then... but you know, they keep saying there is never a right time. One day though. :)

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  10. You're right. There are a lot of women out there that feel the same way.

    Tyler and I do talk about the future but that can be confusing for me sometimes because with some things he say makes me think he's ready but then he assures me for the millionth time that he's not ready yet.

    Sometimes I think accidentally getting pregnant would be better since we don't have to "wait" for our husbands to be ready. :)

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  11. The good news is that you have so much time on your side. :) I think it seems pretty common for women to get the baby fever long before the husband is ready. Then some switch gets flipped and the guy is ready. It has happened w/ both my brother & brother-in-law. It'll happen w/ your husband too when the time is right.

    I used to worry that I wasn't even going to have a chance to have children of my own... I am 28 and single... No boyfriend, not even a crush right now. So I think I will just be so thankful to even find Mr. Right, the babies would be icing on the cake.

    This whole 'baby fever' thing just might push you to talk about things w/ Jay that you haven't talked about. And it's always good to be pushed to talk about things!

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  12. This. exactly.

    Word for word.

    (Get out of my head.)

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  13. I go back and forth on the baby issue. Part of me really wants to have a child. All of my married friends already have babies and I feel like if we wait any longer, it will be too late. But there are also times when I know I'm still very selfish about my time and my spending habits to have children. I wish there was an easy way to know when it's the "right" time.

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  14. I'm SO not ready for a baby but I kind of understand what you're saying. I'm also afraid I'm going to have trouble getting pregnant but at the same time, I'm afraid I'm super fertile and we'll have twins (twins run in his family...I'm seriously in no rush for kids!)

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  15. I think I've had baby fever since I was 16. Really. And I didn't even have sex until I was 20.

    I've gotta say - I hear michelle woo. What a great comment!

    Just communicate about it, I guess. Or pull a crazy stunt. (Kidding, don't do that.) Sometimes I'm not sure that men realize how serious we are about this and that while they think that they without question are not ready, we think that we certainly are. Maybe you should express this to Jay if you are seriously feeling this way.

    And um, trade in the orange bean bag for a crib or something perhaps! :)

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  16. I could have written this word for word just a little over a year ago. Especially what you said about Jay.

    I think my baby fever first started when my sister had her son. (He is almost 2 now) All of the sudden the "I'm not ready for kids" mentality turned into... "OH, maybe I DO want to be a mom right now." Luckily it passed a few months later. But the conversations I had with Kyle still bothered me.

    Kyle and I had always said we'd have kids 2 years after we were married. Yet, we never specified to each other if that meant we would be trying by 2 years... pregnant by 2 years... or have a kid by 2 years. So as we approached our 2 year anniversary (ok like 6-9 months before) I started to bring up kids. Kyle's response was "OH NO! Not the baby fever. I thought you got over that." It always made me upset that instead of being willing to talk about it... he had a knee jerk reaction. I just wanted to TALK about it, not necessarily hop in the sack and make a baby right then and there. (however if he said yes, then I would have) But eventually we talked about it and I expressed how much it bothered me that he was so "OH HECK NO, not right now" when I just wanted to talk about it. I wasn't even trying to pin him down to an exact date.

    Obviously, things changed shortly after, considering I'm due in like a month. But one thing I realized is that I kind of had to let it go for a bit and let Kyle come around. And soon I realized (and so did he) that he was perfectly fine with us being pregnant at 2 years. :-)

    You guys will figure it out. I think for guys, one day it just clicks... and then they are ready! It was seriously like over night with Kyle.

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  17. I'm on board with you, and lot of you other ladies!

    Luckily, I have no painfully adorable small children in my family (or his), so the fever hasn't quite hit raging, but the twinge is still there.

    However, most of the time, I can quell it by realizing that if we WERE to get preggers now, it would dash SOOO many of our long term husband/wife plans. No more goals of international travel. No more sushi dinners. No more Target spending sprees. No more video games...the list can go on.

    And more importantly, if we DID have a baby, it would sleep in a cardboard box - instead of a crib - because we're broke as a joke.

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  18. I get what you're saying...

    But don't forget that there are still people out there who haven't found the love that you and your husband have. Although there are people you may envy for there position to stay home, there are people like me who envy you and the love that you and your husband have.

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  19. Know mater where you are and how much money you have, having babies is always a hard and scary decision. I feel like it is OK and sometimes best to just jump in and do it. We decided to have our second baby when we lived in a two bedroom shoebox house, and it all worked out perfect. When ever you decide to have one, I know you will be an awesome mommy! After all you had the best one growing up.


    Good luck!
    Love ya, Michelle

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  20. I have that fear of being infertile too. I call it the Monica Gellar / Charlotte York syndrome. It's one of my top fears next to flying cockroaches. You'll be a great mom... :) Someday.

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  21. Wow.
    Spot on, sister.
    I'm only 24 and while I know I CANT have a baby yet due to mortgage, job, finances etc, I do wonder if te time will ever be "right". Do men just wake up one day and decide they're ready? Or do they wake up one day to find their partner pregnant and just deal with it?
    I have thought how amazing it would be to just go off birth control in a couple years (okay, like 5 years) and see what happens. Throw caution to the wind. By then we will have been together for (gulp) 11 years!
    Maybe we should get married first....hmm.

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  22. I know exactly what you are going thru! My thoughts are with you dear. Remember one thing - once they are here they aren't going away for a LONG time. LOL Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love my baby girl, but I wouldn't give up the 4 years I had with my hubby before she came along for anything. Good luck!

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  23. all i know is that when the time comes..it will be God's perfect time..& ready or not, you will be a wonderful mother. (even if he/she has to sleep on an orange bean bag!) until then, soak it all up. (life, that is.) love you.

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  24. Definitely enjoy being a fun young married couple & going on road trips & eating out & being pretty carefree ... but don't freak out too much about parenthood, either, because cliched as it sounds .. it really isn't as hard as it seems (hard PARTS, sure) and kids really are the best thing in the world. Plus you dont need a lot of space or money or things like that - you really can get by on a LOT less than the world would have you believe. ;)

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  25. i deal with this baby fever every other day, it feels like and i am not even dating.

    but let me tell you, read Dooce's book (especially pages 139-140) and the reality is explained so brilliantly.

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  26. Everything you just wrote is exactly me!! My husband finally told me he's ready to start trying. He's going to be 30 this year and I'll be 28 next month. And I know it'll probably take a while just because I've got a weird cycle. I hope that by the end of the year, I am pregnant. But wanted him to understand that it does take some women a while to get pregnant. So we finally came to agreement to start trying, YAY. So I can totally understand where you're coming from here. Best of luck to you both.

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  27. I'm always afraid of this. I'm definitely worried that when I do finally decide it's time to have kids that I won't be able to or it will take me longer than I hoped it would.

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  28. This is SO me, except with the marriage topic...
    While I KNOW I'm not ready, and I know AB's on a "someday but not anytime soon" plan I still want to talk about it. And have a ring, and just KNOW it's going to happen.

    But every time anyone brings it up AB's like "yeah and No... new topic"

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  29. While I am in no rush for babies, I can completely relate to you in some aspects. When everything is going well in my life (and I see Happiness knocking at my window), I always seem to go looking for something to go wrong. Or for something to not fit. Because in the real world, people aren't actually happy, drama-free all the time, are they?

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  30. I know what you mean Kerri. My best friend has a 4 month old and sometimes it is all I can think about. But then I remember I love to sleep and think maybe I can wait a few more years. :)

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  31. I know Jay and my husband are two totally different people, but... if it helps at all... a few years ago, my husband kept saying he wasn't even sure he wanted kids. But after some things in our lives changed (ie. degrees complete, more financially stable, etc), he started talking about kids a lot more often. He says now that he wants them. He brings up kid stuff out of the blue. I'm sure Jay will get there, too.

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  32. For me, the whole not being content in the very perfect/ blessed moment rings so true. I think (one of) the problem(s) is that I have such a clear sense of what I want, how I want my future to look, that sometimes it is just hard to wait. One on hand that is lucky, I am able to recognize what I want & achieve it, but it can also be so frustrating. For so long I wished for the (nearly) perfect guy, and then some how miraculously found him. We have a great life, but now all of a sudden that isn't enough. I want us to move in together, I need to know when we will get engaged, etc. Why can't I just let things progress? I sound crazy, but it's like some sort of control thing. I need to feel like I'm in control of my future.
    Just know you are not alone (I've actually really enjoyed reading everyone's comments too).

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  33. I just listened to the MOST amazing interview with Dr. Dobson and Dr. Laura on Focus on the Family. Seriously. She felt empty too before she had kids, even though her life was amazing. I think that's just how lots of us were made. And never worry about money. I KNOW your husband is MORE THAN CAPABLE of supporting you and a baby. Believe in him! And it's ok if baby is stuffed in the corner, LOL!

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  34. I feel the same way about how long it's going to take me to get pregnant. I'm also pretty fearful of infertility, but that's a story for another time.

    Because right now? I'm not where in the ballpark of getting ready to even THINK about having a baby.

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  35. Dude, I totally know what you're talking about! I am convinced that I'm infertile. Even though being preggers scares me and that fact that my feet could swell up so much that none of my shoes would fit EVER AGAIN, then I think that maybe I won't be able to have kids and that makes me so sad. Then again I wonder all the time if I'm actually pregnant and don't know it! Like hmmm, I'm been crying a lot and my face is all broken out - I Know, I MUST be preggers! Ha. I'm so crazy! Maybe since we're both scared we're infertile what we really means is that we're not and we're just totally silly! Maybe I've been watching too much Friends. It happened to Monicaaaaa! Then again, look what happened to Charlotte of SATC!

    Sorry, this comment is totally rambling ... Man, if you figure out how to handle that whole jealousy thing, please let me know! I hate being jealous of people who have super cool houses and get to go on tons of trips and then I get freaked out and feel like we're never going to get a house of our very own. NEVER! But yes, I must remind myself that I have tons to be super, super grateful for.

    Ok, I'm super tired, I'm not sure if this comment is making sense but I just wanted to say, I totally feel ya. Too bad we don't live closer, we could totally go get a drink and chat it up!

    p.s. Remember when we met and you told me I'm like the only blogger girlie who doesn't have baby fever? I think my fever is starting! omg. Man, I'm getting old. Ha. Then again, I can't even handle getting up at 7 a.m. to feed the cats, so I think I can wait awhile to have kiddos cuz I def enjoy my sleep. And selfish spending and not fixing actual dinners and etc etc etc.

    You and Jay are going to have the cutest kids, btw! And you are going to be an adorable mom. It's totally going to happen for you!

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  36. Hi! I read your blog but have never posted, until today. I completely understand your concerns and have the same thoughts myself.

    I'm 28 and my husband and I are thinking about starting to try for a baby. We really hope we're able to conceive but I'm also feeling paranoid that maybe we won't be able or that it will take us years. You just never know, but can't worry about it.

    As for men, my husband's best friend says that men often never feel truly "ready" and it doesn't become "real" to them until the baby arrives since they aren't feeling sick, feeling baby kick, etc. He admits that his wife really had to convince him into trying but once the baby arrived, he couldn't imagine anything more perfect. They have 2 now.

    There's never a perfect time, where you're perfectly prepared in every way to have a baby (man or woman). I read an article about infertility recently where the doc said that 1/2 of the infertility problems women have today could be solved if women would try having children sooner and not wait so long (but they specifically meant waiting until mid 30s and beyond) and the OB said, "the best time for a women to have a baby is the earliest point in time that she's in the right relationship with the right partner and capable to love a baby".

    Your thoughts are completely normal and shared my many, many women. Thanks for sharing! :-)

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  37. I hear ya on the whole jealously problem. For me it's all my friends getting married! I'm jealous I haven't the right guy yet, but in time that will come and for you babies will come, when the time is right. But it's true what they say... we always want what we can't have.

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  38. I am definitively ALL about babies right now. Thankfully, hubby agreed and we've been trying. I too had a sickening feeling we'd have a hard time conceiving, but I'm sure everyone feels that way. Everyone is scared that one day they will be ready and it WON'T happen. It's been 3 months now and still no baby here. Every month that goes by is more and more scary. I know I'm supposed to relax, and I know it rarely happens right away. But it's still scary!

    But like you said, you can't start trying before you're ready "just in case". It sucks! I wish you knew ahead of time exactly how long it would take to get pregnant, so you know how far ahead to get started!

    Well I suppose while we wait, we get more and more ready. More and more mature. We're in our 20's. I suppose no harm in waiting patiently.

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  39. Our feelings are very similar. I'm pretty ready for a kid now...but the hubs isn't. I feel like if I were to never bring it up again, we would go our whole lives and never have kids...even though he says he wants to "someday." He's financially concerned...and I get that...but we are never going to be ready to have a baby. Who is??

    But...I'm 25. I have time...but I also have your fear about not being able to get pregnant or it taking way longer than we expect. You kinda just think...okay we'll start trying and then 9 months later we'll have our baby. Nope...doesn't work like that.

    I hope you guys can really talk about this so your husband knows just how you feel. You'll get your baby someday and it will be so worth the wait!

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  40. I understand where you are COMPLETELY. I'm 29 & KB is 37. He's STILL not ready. Not only do I have fears of being infertile, but I have fears that when I learn this, I'll be too old to adopt! (And I happen to think that I'll be the only woman with white hair at my kids graduations.)

    Sigh...you are not alone!

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  41. Oh girl. I feel you, I feel you big time. Only, it's not even possible for us. Well, it is, but not in the same love making way that comes from both parents. And I know we would make AMAZING parents. So, that's where our dogs come in to play. They are literally like our children. Have you thought of getting a puppy? I know that it's really not comparable to giving birth to a child, but sometimes it's a better fit for your current lifestyle. Going to the shelter together and finding a dog that works for the both of you, that can you can love and care for until the time is right for you to have children, is a great idea I think. That is, unless you guys aren't "dog" people. Then forget EVERYTHING I just said. Hahaha.

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  42. I never wanted to have kinds until this year. Mr. Beagle and I have talked about it a lot and he actually will get baby fever more than I do. So I'm very lucky that he is so open about talking about it. Recently though we hung out with some friends who just had a baby that was a surprise and I think the hubby scared Mr. Beagle telling him how hard it was. So recently he's been saying how he doesn't want kids for a while and it's okay because neither do I. I do feel very fortunate that he is so open about it. :)

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  43. Oh you've caught the bug! ~Good luck~ Enjoyed reading.

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  44. Ohh Kerri! I feel for you. I don't have baby fever but I guess it will change when I get married (eeeee!)
    I know I want kids someday and we want to wait a few years after we get married. But I do know how you're feeling. I'm surrounded by babies at work. Putting little shoes on their plump feet. I love the huge gummy grins they give me when I try to make them laugh.
    I do know how you feel though, completely. I hope that you and Jay can sit and talk about it and understand each other's sides. xxxx

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  45. omg. I totally understand. But once we bought a house Chris started talking more openly about babies! It's amazing, and it is still weird when it happens... it totally throws me off. so i saw you twitter the other night, and the thing jay said about the house.. GOOD SIGN... either way. you are not alone in feeling that way.

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  46. I'm 27 yo and have a beautiful 2 yo baby girl who we love to pieces. And, every day I kick myself in the butt for waiting 2 years after getting married to get pregnant.

    There's no time to waste! Life is so short and ba aby will only add to your happiness---times 1000.

    And, you are 100% right about the length of time it takes to actually get pregnant. It took about 5 mo of non birth control action to make our little girl. But, it has been 10 months since we started trying for baby #2...no such luck. :(

    All I'm saying is, remind your hubby that you're not getting any younger or more prepared as the days fly by.

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  47. i hate that feeling. the feeling where you're not happy with where you are in life, but you should be because you have so many blessings, feeling. i guess you just have to look at all the things you do have and concentrate on that. if a baby is something you really want, it'll happen when you and jay are both ready.

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  48. Okay, post-causing-flashback: I'm 24, he's 25. Baby fever at near fatal temp. Getting pregnant takes over a year--and that's short. Basal thermometer, advice from well-meaning friends, crying myself to sleep, weeping mid-day, the hope each month that's only met with a baby-shaped pit... Gut-wrenching future-tripping like a pyscho for a year. You're never ready. Even when you think you are, you're never ready for what it'll cost you to have this child. It'll bend, contort, reinvent you, and otherwise turn your life on its head.

    And it's exquisite. And you'll cherish the time you had when it was just the two of you. And then you'll cherish it again 20 years later as you speak of cherishing the 20 years when they were with you. My deepest love to you both.

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  49. I must comment to say that I could have written this post myself about 3 years ago. It's normal to be baby crazy AND to worry it'll take you forever to get pregnant. As a matter of fact, my husband is tired of hearing me worry about both subjects! Normal I tell you! Not easy, but totally normal to be preoccupied!

    And you'll be a fab mom one day!

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  50. Oh I hope you can figure out a happy balance with your baby fever! I was DYING just a year ago. I wanted a baby in my belly (and not by eating it, lol) SO BADLY. Gas bubbles were baby kicks and you better believe I had (and still have) a spreadsheet (oh the accountant in me) of baby names. Complete with meanings and rankings and all.

    Lately though I've been having just a great time with Cale. Just us. And I realized that instead of wishing and hoping and dreaming for the day when we could be a family of three, I'm going to CHERISH these days that it's just the two of us. That way when we do have a baby I can provide that child the greatest example of a mom: someone who knows and loves who she is (working on that one), is in a loving and healthy relationship (check!), and has experienced life in a way that gives her a brilliant perspective (in process).

    So whenever we do mutually decide it's time for kids (get this, it's ME whose saying no. Cale is always on board because he knows that I'm well aware of what we can handle), it is going to be a great day, and until then, great days along the way.

    <3 you and hope that you get your feelings all sorted out in your head and figure out a plan because it's no fun when the decision doesn't feel like it's yours.

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  51. Big hugs to you. The baby fever is hard, and it gets even worse when you start trying. At least it did for me. I am surrounded by pregnant women at work, and while we're trying our best to be in the family way, it's just not happening at this point. That being said, you'll both be ready when you're ready. You might drive you hubby crazy with the baby talk when you start trying, but if he's a keeper (which he is), he'll understand.

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  52. One thing I do know from personal experience is that no matter how ready you think you are for a child, you never are and never can be. Unless, maybe, it's your second child. Or third. You get the idea.

    What I mean is that there never really is an ideal time when the world is right, your hair is fabulous, your waist is small, your bank is full and a bright light shines and says, "Yes, it's time." There is always something that you'll find to make it not quite right. But if it's something you really want, then do it. You are smart, loving and responsible enough that everything else - all the little details - just fall into place. You make it work.

    You'll figure it out in your own way, in your own time. Don't be so hard on yourself in the process.

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  53. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant and Joe and I were so happy about it. It was such a wonderful feeling and when I woke up I totally wanted to make a baby. Of course we're years away from that...but it was still a lovely dream.

    Anyway, it made me think of you, kerri, and I thought I'd let you know.

    P.S. You're new shop items are too cute for words!

    steague16(at)hotmail(dot)com

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  54. It's nice to know someone else has the same thoughts on having a baby as me. Thank you for putting it into words. I'm sure we'll both figure it out someday! Right?

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  55. I have these same feelings all of the time. You're not alone. I want a baby so bad, but first comes marriage... well you know the rest. Hang in there, everything happens for a reason and it will happen in time.

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  56. I have baby fever too. I am worried that I might end up hating my husband if I don't get a baby. When did life get so hard? Why can't you just have a mate who wants you to be happy?

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  57. I was totally having baby fever too for a while so four weeks ago I adopted a baby kitten and that cured me! hopefully at least for a year or two lol.

    ps - this is my first time at your blog and i love it!

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  58. OMG reading this is like reading my mind (I am married to a jay too).
    Baby fever is HARD, even if you know you have time, and that you shouldn't worry.
    You are not alone!

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  59. You should visit my friend's blog: http://laptopstolullabies.blogspot.com/ ... she's been having a lot of the same feelings as you, and she's busy preparing to start trying. There's a lot to think about, for sure. It's impossible to know when the time is right ... you're definitely not alone, I feel the same way a lot of the time. Sometimes I feel crazy when I go back and forth on the issue — it's time, it's not time ... good luck with it all and feel free to post away about it — such a big decision can use some feedback!

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  60. You just wrote everything I have been feeling today!

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  61. I know this thread is old, but I just stumbled on it and immediately emailed it to my husband. We've been married nearly 3 years and together for over 10. Until this winter, I was perfectly content and happy with our wonderful life. Kids weren't even on my radar. We traveled, ate out, had fun partying with our friends (not too hard, mind you!). Then, the second I turned 30, it was a quick road to baby fever! My poor husband can't keep up. I remember feeling this way before we got engaged as well. Looking back, I really regret how much time I wasted "anticipating" and not just enjoying our life. But now, it seems I am caught in that same cycle again. La Di Dah, I think you hit the nail on the head for me, too! There is this sense of needing to control everything.

    Thanks to everyone who shared- it is so nice to feel like there are just as many people who are just as confused! It gets a little tough to stay calm when your best friend is a baby factory!

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  62. Hi. It could be worse. Here i am 34 and a half years old. No boyfriend to think of but longing for "it all" - marriage and babies. Hugh Sigh!!

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