February 10, 2009

on a photo and some words...

hey, it's me on a rock.

"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want." - Margaret Young

I keep sitting down to write, because I feel like I have so much that is just spilling over and just needs to be written down. But when I sit down to write something, it doesn't happen. I even sat down for an hour before bed last night, my paper journal on my lap, wishing that some words would come along and beg to be written down.

But, no. I ended up drinking some orange juice (it may or may not have been spiked; don't judge me) and watching Intervention instead. (Is it wrong to drink while watching a show like that? Perhaps I'm a bit more dysfunctional than I thought.) So, in any case, my journal remained empty and here I am now.

Through the years, it's become such a habit to just write down what I'm feeling. It's like therapy to me. Some people need to talk it out, whereas I write it out. I've found that when I attempt to talk about things that are weighing on me a bit, I'm either entirely too influenced by the feedback someone gives me, or I end up yammering on and on and can't quite get my feelings put into coherent words. Whereas after I've written down something, I find that I'm usually able to work through things with more of a clear head.

To be honest, though, I'm feeling happy lately.

I've been finding a lot of things to be happy about, actually. I feel like the shift in my attitude has stayed pretty consistent, and that's definitely a good thing. That's not to say that I don't slip on a daily basis - but the difference now is how I am more aware of when I'm slipping. Does that make sense? I'm able to catch myself before it goes too far. (Most times.) There are still times where I feel the grumpiness on it's way in, and I just don't feel like fighting it off. Bleh. But, anyway, to be completely honest, things are great. More than great. I've been met with so much encouragement and inspiration the last few weeks, about many different things, and am feeling incredibly optimistic.

And really? That's the greatest feeling ever.

31 comments:

  1. That definitely makes sense - and being more conscious of all the tiny little decisions you're making and being guided through? That's a huge & amazing step.

    As is climbing a rock that big, by the way. So definitely consider this a double round of applause.

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  2. It sounds kinda like you found yourself? Either way it sounds like an incredible feeling. A really amazing feeling.
    This is my first time here, and i'm subscribing. And your nephew has a beautiful smile.

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  3. yeah that sounds right, and you seem like you find your inner peace or something. I'm not an expert in this, but good to know you feel happier and content :)

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  4. I love this post. Thanks for inspiring me to be happy. :)

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  5. I always find that I can't write when I'm happy. I just can't put words on paper when I'm happy. So I'd give anything to be happy all the time and not write, since I don't write for a living anyway.

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  6. i totally drink during intervention too. and btw...last nights was intense, huh? especially when those crazy strung out broads were thrashing around on the floor and stripping off their clothes to find the blue bags of heroine that were on the dresser the ENTIRE TIME.

    crazy.

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  7. I would say that the quote says it all. You really be who you are and stay true to yourself.

    As long as you are not doing what they are doing, then I think its ok to watch Intervention. Or is it?? he he

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  8. I'm glad you are happy as a clam :) With that new baby in your life, how can you not be?

    Oh, and our little tv buddy - did you watch the Intervention follow up with the Olympic meth addict and the boy who lost 242 lbs? I cried.

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  9. I always do better writing things out myself. I think I should definitely get a journal.

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  10. Even if nothing else makes sense and we can find the words to express ourselves, that feeling of happiness is the best. I'm glad you're doing well with everything!

    Oh, and I love the little changes you made to your blog! Very cute!

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  11. Yay!

    Happiness is nice. I am super happy this morning for no reason whatsoever. :) (Okay, so maybe it's the caffeine in my coffee. That stuff seriously makes me giddy. And talkative. I told my friend that and he said, "Well you must always drink coffee." Oh my goodness, I need to stop chatting your ear off!)

    Oh, and beautiful photo. I imagine Jay took it? Yay for Jay! Hey, that rhymes.

    Holy hell, I am hyper.

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  12. I've been feeling this way; like I want to write -- I need to! -- but the words don't come! it's maddening.

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  13. You took the words right out of my brain! CRAZY stuff, girl!

    Glad things are looking (and staying) up for you!

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  14. It is totally not wrong to drink while watching Intervention. I eat while watching Biggest Loser and am convinced it keeps me from over-eating. So really, we are doing ourselves good!

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  15. I think consciousness is really important to being truly happy. So many people just float through their lives not ever stopping to appreciate when they feel truly content. It's admirable that you are able to see your happiness in the moment.
    I'm writing that quote down btw... love it :)

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  16. I'm a big fan of writing it out too. I think that's why I've actually kept up with my blog for almost 2 years (definitely a record for my "latest and greatest hobby" ideas that typically last 3 weeks). I'm glad things are going so well for you right now, that's a wonderful feeling. :)

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  17. It is, isn't it?

    I wanted to tell you how much I love your Etsy creations - one of these days, I will be making a purchase from your shop.

    Also, I tagged you with an awesome blog award - come check it out!

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  18. Sometimes we just have to savour our feelings and the moments that make us feel that way.

    I'm so glad that you are finding contentment with your life and really feeling happy. Keep on that same route and remember to keep reaching for God!

    xox

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  19. Don't feel bad, when we had cable I would love to drink my glass of Sangria while watching ridiculous women sneak tiny bottles of vodka into dressing rooms or teenage boys so wasted they could hardly see straight... oh, I miss "Intervention"...

    That quote is amazing, and I feel like it is so what I needed to hear right now, thanks for sharing! Oh, and I know what you mean about writing it down... I feel like my thoughts never really leave my head until I have written them down... and it can get pretty crazy and crowded in there when I go too long between journaling. :)

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  20. i love the picture! it must be a wonderful feeling to have!

    & i watch intervention sometimes too! it definitely makes me appreciate what i have.

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  21. I would so drink happy orange juice and watch Intervention with you. That's my idea of awesome.

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  22. I've been thinking a lot of about being aware of happiness too. Its amazing how just enjoying the little things can change your perspective.=)

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  23. I'm glad you are feeling happier. It's funny how being happy can kind of sneak up on you. For me, I'm happy but dissatisfied. If that makes sense? I want to be doing more, but I'm still very happy with where I am in my life.

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  24. That's the best possible way to look at life. I had to learn that the hard way, but it's much easier to happy when you concentrate on the good things going on in life rather than dwelling on the negative.

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  25. well happy and optimistic are two of the best feelings there could be :)

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  26. yay for happiness! I love that you feel this way-- makes me glad. :) And you always have such wonderful perspective to share with us all.

    and wow, what a rock. Also, you are insanely gorgeous in every picture I've ever seen of you!

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  27. i feel the exact same way you just described. took the words right out of my brain but instead of being happy at the moment im the opposite and i cant figure out why

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  28. I am too. I finally feel like things are coming together again, and I come home smiling every day. It's been a while since that happened.

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  29. I started choking when I read your blurb about drinking while watching Intervention. That was too funny...

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  30. I'm a fellow writer person---once it's "out" of me, I can usually find a way to figure it out.

    And by the way, that quote is amazing.

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  31. I think it's required to drink during Intervention, otherwise the show is too depressing. The alcohol takes the edge off. I relate to every bit of this blog, you are not alone my friend. Thanks for letting me know I'm not either :)

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