"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want." - Margaret Young
I keep sitting down to write, because I feel like I have so much that is just spilling over and just needs to be written down. But when I sit down to write something, it doesn't happen. I even sat down for an hour before bed last night, my paper journal on my lap, wishing that some words would come along and beg to be written down.
But, no. I ended up drinking some orange juice (it may or may not have been spiked; don't judge me) and watching Intervention instead. (Is it wrong to drink while watching a show like that? Perhaps I'm a bit more dysfunctional than I thought.) So, in any case, my journal remained empty and here I am now.
Through the years, it's become such a habit to just write down what I'm feeling. It's like therapy to me. Some people need to talk it out, whereas I write it out. I've found that when I attempt to talk about things that are weighing on me a bit, I'm either entirely too influenced by the feedback someone gives me, or I end up yammering on and on and can't quite get my feelings put into coherent words. Whereas after I've written down something, I find that I'm usually able to work through things with more of a clear head.
To be honest, though, I'm feeling happy lately.
I've been finding a lot of things to be happy about, actually. I feel like the shift in my attitude has stayed pretty consistent, and that's definitely a good thing. That's not to say that I don't slip on a daily basis - but the difference now is how I am more aware of when I'm slipping. Does that make sense? I'm able to catch myself before it goes too far. (Most times.) There are still times where I feel the grumpiness on it's way in, and I just don't feel like fighting it off. Bleh. But, anyway, to be completely honest, things are great. More than great. I've been met with so much encouragement and inspiration the last few weeks, about many different things, and am feeling incredibly optimistic.
And really? That's the greatest feeling ever.