January 28, 2009

on making a living...

end of a long day.

Recently, I have such an ache. An ache for something more. Professionally. Creatively.

I want to create more, and to be able to put my whole heart into something and be able to do it for a living. I know I've mentioned before how that's my plan, but I feel it even more now. That drive within me, to be doing something I love, that I have a passion for, that I can wake up in the morning looking forward to. I want that more than anything, really. There's always been that lingering feeling in my heart, the one that told me that I'd never be someone with just another boring, average job. But for a long time, I figured that it was just another one of those dreams. (Like the one I had when I was fifteen. You know, the one where I wanted to marry Taylor Hanson. I'm sure we can all see how that one turned out. Right. But, for the record, Jay rocks better than Taylor ever will. In yo' face, Taylor!) And I think that general opinion tells us that only a small, small fraction of people will ever be able to truly do what they love for a living. Which is terrible, because then it makes the rest of us think we're living with our heads in the clouds. It's only been within the last year that I've started really telling myself that this particular dream is something that can actually happen.

I've begun thinking in terms of "when" and not "if".

And that feeling is beautiful.

I'm beginning to see the things I'm doing now, and the things I'm learning now, as things that will help me in the future. When I'm doing what it is that I truly want to do. All the customer service I have behind me will definitely be an asset, the different computer programs I've been using, the networking skills, the professionalism. I definitely don't hate my current job; lately, things have been just fine. More than fine. But maybe it's because I've stopped focusing on the negative things. I have a job, for one. It also pays well, has amazing benefits, I work with customers that almost always make me smile, I'm able to get along fine with my coworkers, and I even get to eat frozen cookie dough on a somewhat regular basis (I probably shouldn't have admitted that).

Things could be a lot worse for me. They really could.

And in any case, I realize how much this job has provided for me and these dreams that I hold for myself. I have enough free time to keep up my shop and money to buy supplies. When we aren't busy, I'm able to browse websites for inspiration and such. Even if I'm here for another few years, that's okay. Because this isn't my life. This isn't my career.

My career is the magic that happens when I'm home, up to my shoulders in felt and paper and buttons and thread. Which is such a comforting thought.

34 comments :

  1. I think that if it can happen for anyone, it will happen for you. You're definitely weaving some serious magic with the felt and thread you wield - I think that if you haven't already it's definitely time to start putting press packs together and contacting people.

    Good luck!

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  2. you are inspirational!

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  3. You have the drive and that's the first step. There's no way it won't happen for you.

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  4. That's awesome. I've had that same feeling, I never felt like I'd be okay stuck behind a desk with boring papers and blah projects filling my life. You spend most of your life working you should do something you love. Kudos!

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  5. It is a wonderful thing when you can go beyond the "if only" to the "when". I think it's about being open to it and being aware of yourself so you can be open to whatever is out there for you.

    This was very inspirational - thank you - great way to end the day!

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  6. the photo of you is so lovely.
    i might just have to put it in my inspire:lovely posts if that is okay with you.

    i hope you are able to achieve your passions + dreams. do what you love! you're young. why not?

    it is always so sad when i meet someone who is like, "oh, i hate what i do" .. but it also makes me realized how blessed i am that i AM doing what i love.

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  7. You look so good in polaroids! Gah I love polaroids, if only they weren't so expensive. Why did they have to stop making them?

    Beyond what will happen, I love that you see what is happening. Everything that you are experiencing is moving you forward. And what is forward? Only what is good, what is true, what is light.

    There are phases and fads to feelings. But then there are the things that sit in our gut, that live in our throats, make our chests heavy. The things that compel us to feel with everything we have. Those are the things that make up who we are. And everything you've written about, they are who you are. And because of that, I know you will live into your dreams and the calls you have for life and the world.

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  8. You're truly inspiring. And I'm definitely jealous that you know exactly what it is you love and want to do. I'm looking forward to following along (reading along?) this journey of yours.

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  9. not only are os so talented, but you look gorgeous in that photo. GORGEOUS!

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  10. I have to agree and say that you are so inspiring. I feel SO lucky to have a day job that I love but I know I can't make coffee forever so I know I need to get my stuff together with my sewing. I think we're about in the same boat!

    PS
    Where do you work? I've been wondering that for a long time, ha.

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  11. great pictures, and what inspirational words :) I think I should be better at what I do and at the same time be more grateful about it too

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  12. There's a clear sweetness about your goals, longings, and most certainly your honesty. I taste Real and Hope and Contentment. Eeyum.

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  13. You have it in you to be very successful doing what you love, and I only wish that I could be up to my shoulders in all of that. You are an inspiration. I second Lily.

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  14. If anyone is deserving of their dream job, it is certainly you. You've got talent, drive, determination, and a good heart. Knowing exactly what you want is a significant first step-there are many people who never find their true calling.

    Like you, I knew exactly what it was that I wanted to do for a living, and being able to wake up each morning to a job that I love and can see myself doing for the rest of my professional life is a dream come true.

    (You could not be any more gorgeous is that picture)

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  15. Good for you! I feel the same way, I always knew and still believe that I'm not cut out for a "normal" job. Not sure what it is I'm going to do, but that's fine for now.

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  16. First of all - I totally had a dream last night about you and I hanging out and talking about running and cupcakes.

    It was totally normal until I woke up and was like, "What? I've never met her? Huh."

    I also dream of doing something for myself. Having time to take care of our house and myself and create things. The problem is, I have SO many many passions, it's hard to commit. :)

    I also have a hard time taking it one step at a time. I want to just spend hours and hours and HOURS sewing and stamping and embroidering, but I have this thing called a 9-to-5 job. Boo.

    (Although - having a job that allows me the energy to craft AFTER work is incredibly awesome as you pointed out. My job with kids always left me wiped out. No good.)

    Good luck!

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  17. That is such an amazing picture of you :-)

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  18. I understand completely! I'm dying to find my passion....but I guess that's why I'm going on my "self discovery" adventure.

    Good luck! I'm sure you'll succeed to whatever you put your mind to!

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  19. I wish you the best of luck. I really do believe you will be able to do whatever it is your heart desires. I love your crafties!!!

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  20. You look gorgeous in your pic! I've been struggling with figuring out what would make me truely happy for a couple years now and I'm still working on it :)

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  21. First, you're gorgeous!

    Second...I think if you feel it like that, deep down inside, then that's how you know it's meant to be. I always felt exactly the same. I never thought I'd be one of those women with an executive job. I never really knew exactly what I would do instead but I just knew it would be creative and I knew it would be for myself. Last year it happened for me. It's exciting and scary but I can feel that it's right. And it's because I've felt that feeling for so long just like you described.

    I'm excited to see what happens for you!

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  22. you definitely have a gift...a gift for writing...a gift for crafting...a gift for people. it's always scary to do what you love for a living, but with your heart & drive, God will use you no matter what! :) i can't wait to see this new chapter unfold in your life. golden :)

    p.s. have you seen revolutionary road? totally reminded me to do what i love (in a twisted, weird, depressing kinda way)! you gots to :)

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  23. yay!!! :-) you are so inspirational! way to go! hehe!

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  24. What a wonderful way of thinking! Very inspriational:)

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  25. yay! im glad your feeling so positive! Keep up that attitude and you really can make it work! Dont ignore that drive!

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  26. Wow can I relate to this. I just changed the "if" to "when" to "right now!" and it feels incredible.

    Also? you're insanely talented and will definitely be able to turn your dreams into reality.

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  27. (Hi! long time reader.. first time commenter, now with a blog of my very own!)
    I'm lucky enough to be doing what I love doing. I've been working with animals for the past three and a half years, and I don't feel like many of those days have been actual work. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. It kind of sucks that such a small percentage of us actually get to do our dream jobs. But if you want it bad enough, go for it! It'll work out if it's what you're meant to be doing :)

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  28. I hope it will happen for you as you are so talented. If you keep believing and holding on I'm sure it will happen.

    You have the drive and inspiration for it too work, never giving up and I know you will be able to achieve this!

    By the way I loved the package you sent me!! Ohh my it was so gorgeous!! xox

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  29. awesome blog! thanks apricot tea 4 sharing :-D
    add you to my fav.

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  30. I feel like I'm in a similar space right now and so I completely understand. The job I have is great, better than great on some days, but right now it's a means to an end, and I'm OK with that. I know what I want to do with my life, and what I need to do to get there, and that's a pretty amazing feeling, indeed.

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  31. That's where all the most brilliant, successful people in this world have gotten their start, alone at their desks late at night, not being able to sleep because they're too wrapped in the masterpieces they are creating. Go with what you feel. When you've reached all your dreams, you'll look back at this time of foolish passion and smile.

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  32. love the gorgeous photo. Love your attitude and way of thinking even more. I have no doubt that God is going to use your amazing talents in a wonderful way in your life. Keep doing exactly what you are doing!! :)

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  33. Wow! You are an inspiration. I can't wait until I finally have working space on my large "L" shaped desk David is making for me. I want my own etsy shop for cards and who knows what else I come up with. Have any tips? Where did Wishcake come from? lifewithcurls@gmail.com

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  34. I'm dittoing Kyla Bea here, you are weaving magic! Also, (this is where I'm going to get shallow), do you want to tell me what hair stuff you use because your hair always looks bee-you-tee-ful. (And yes, for some reason it was ESSENTIAL that I typed it like that. Sort of like how it's been essential to eat nothing but cereal today. Oy.)

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