November 10, 2008

on my morning at the office (doctor's, that is)...

This morning I did the following things:

1) Started my day by being poked and prodded at the doctor's office.

2) Wandered around aimlessly with a cup of pee because the stupid nurse disappeared and I always forget which room I'm in and I'm pretty sure there were several people that gave me a look of judgement as I walked around, trying to look all casual and not like, "Hey, I'm just wandering around aimlessly with a cup of pee because the stupid nurse disappeared and I forgot what room I'm in."

3) Had a good 30 seconds where I was sure I was sure I was about to be told I was pregnant, because the nurse decided to do the pregnancy test while I was sitting in the chair next to her (pretending to read my handouts on calcium and fiber) and apparently felt the need to be terribly dramatic while squinting at the results.

4) Had a good 30 seconds where I was seriously contemplating whether or not to look in the folder titled "Semen Analysis" while waiting for my doctor to come into the room, because what is that all about, anyway, and how can they put a folder like that all jumbled in with the magazines on the wall in front of me and not expect me to be mildly curious about it.

5) Pretty much flat-out told my doctor that, no, I will not be getting a tetanus shot anytime soon, and if you ask me again about it I'll just make up the same excuse about having no time today and tell you I'll call back to make an appointment later and obviously do no such thing.

6) Had blood drawn, which resulted with me looking like I shot up heroin before coming to work today.

7) Bought myself a white-chocolate mocha on the way home, for several reasons. (I didn't scream while having my blood drawn, I didn't scream while being poked and prodded and I didn't scream when I was told my copay went up by $5. I think that deserves a mocha, right?)

8) Had a coworker say to me, "It looks like the needle broke off in your arm or something."

9) Covered up track mark with a band aid, only to discover that the ones at work seem to be made out of super glue.

10) Decided that if these appointments were more than once a year, I'd really have to reevaluate just how important my health and wellness actually are, in the grand scheme of things.

22 comments :

  1. Oh God! I hate the annuals! Seriously, that SO could have happened to me! (the needle and the pee)

    Props to you for going. I usually cancel mine at the last minute like a baby. Yea, and I do want to have babies. Ridiculous.

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  2. This post cracked me up! Wait until you are pregnant and have to pee everytime!!!!!! ;)

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  3. Hilarious! #2 is my personal favorite!

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  4. ummm so you never told us the results of the pregnancy test! so until i get an answer i am going to assume you are preggers, and i am kinda gonna hate you because i wish i was preggers. so put me out of my misery woman...

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  5. Semen analysis? I would SO have peeked!!

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  6. Yeah...I would have looked in that folder...

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  7. i hate having blood drawn. mostly because for some reason, everytime they do it, no one can seem to find my veins. talk about looking like a heroin addict.....

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  8. Ugh, just you talking about needles makes me all fidgety. BLECH!

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  9. #7 TOTALLY deserves a mocha..and so does #8, who says that?!? But take it from someone who's had a scare (Praise God it was only a scare) down there...those nasty lil' appts are necessary! =)

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  10. Eck!I HATE going to the gyno.. talk about feeling violated. Which reminds me, mine is in a couple weeks... uggggh.

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  11. This made me laugh out loud. Literally, I lol'd... Justin even came in and asked what was so funny. :)

    Aren't those appointments just the best? I don't know if I've had ONE that I can consider good or normal... I love telling the story about the time Tony (a stranger. a MAN stranger. a 6'5", 240lb, big man stranger.) was filling in for my lady doctor on that one special day a few years back. MORTIFYING!!

    Oh, and I'd say you definitely deserved the mocha!

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  12. OMG! Regardless of whether or not you already know the outcome of the dr's office pregnancy pee test... its always sooooo nerve-wracking to watch them wait for the result! At our first prenatal visit they did the test in front of me. Clearly I was certain I was pregnant, but it was still very scary.

    At least its only one a year... right?

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  13. dang girl- you crack me up!

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  14. Oh brutal! The taking the band aids off is even worse than looking like an IV drug user at work.

    And I second your tetanus shot sentiments. Also your semen analysis comments.

    I think that's the first time I've ever written either of those things in a sentence, but they're both true! lol

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  15. I just laughed so hard I got a stitch(it made my side hurt)!

    This is the funniest thing I've read in a while!

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  16. As someone who also had a scare awhile back, I second *cpa* su's comment.

    An annoying appointment? Definitely.

    A necessary one? Absolutely.

    So, are you pregnant?

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  17. Um, you go to the doctor regularly?

    Oh.

    I go to urgent care when I'm really sick.

    Am I supposed to go more often?

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  18. OMG. I've only had one of those special yearly appointments and I was very traumatized. Noooooooooo I don't want to go again. :( I made myself an appt for Dec -- and I've promised myself I deserve a special treat from Anthropologie afterwards. Dangit, why can't they make an invention where we don't have to go to those? Grrr.

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  19. Oh my goodness! I just had to have a physical because I got a county job, and it was horrendous. Blood taken TWICE, 2 tb shots, and a tetanus shot! I balled like a baby, and was physically sick after all of that.

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  20. Well they had to charge you $5 extra for the extra time you got to hold your pee. duh. =)

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  21. why are you so funny?? and adorable??

    by the way, I've TOTALLY done the wandering around with a cup of pee in my hand... don't feel bad. :)

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  22. Yea, me?? I would have peeked for sure!!

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