September 21, 2008

on some correspondence...

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Stop taking up all my free time. It's getting seriously irritating. You need to not own my life. I should be able to put you down while I'm eating a nice toasted sandwich, while I'm at the front desk at work, or while I'm watching Joel McHale make fun of celebrities on The Soup.

Oh, and stop presenting me with sentences like, "A hysterical giggle burst through my lips." I don't know what to do with that. It's just stupid. And lay off the murmuring and growling, just for a few minutes. I'd appreciate it, because I find myself wanting to murmur or growl phrases throughout my day, and I just don't think that people are going to respect my transition into a vampire/werewolf/freaky-Twilight-fan.

thanks,
wishcake

PS: Go team Jacob. Edward, you are pissing me off. For a vampire, you're kind of a pansy.

-

Dear Cricket,

I blame you completely for my transition into a vampire/werewolf/freaky-Twilight-fan. This is on your head.

love,
wishcake

PS: Any chance you'll be in town when the movie comes out? Because, dude. I'm all over that mess.

-

Dear H&M employees,

I don't like your store. I'm sorry, and am well aware that everyone else my age seems to bow to your greatness. I just don't like you guys. I feel as though you, as well as 75% of the clothing you sell, are stuck in the eighties. And it makes me physically angry.

But that's not even the main reason I don't like you.

Last week, I found the most perfect pair of skinny jeans and went to try them on. When I needed a different size, nobody would assist me. I was told by the dressing room attendant, "Um, yeah. I can't leave the dressing room. You can walk out and get another size." I would've shouted, "Okay, you good-for-nothing dressing room attendant! Do you see that the pants I am presently wearing ARE NOT ZIPPING UP? Do you WANT ME TO FLASH MY WOMANLY BITS TO THE REST OF YOUR CUSTOMERS?" But, I kept my cool. You're welcome.

You're welcome, as well, for the $20 I spent on the pants.

kindest regards,
wishcake

PS: Just so you know, your sizes are all jacked up. There's no way I went up two sizes since my last pants-shopping jaunt. Stop making me feel unnecessarily bloated.

-

Dear Ree (or should I call you Pioneer Woman?),

I want your life.

You make me want to kidnap my husband, buy a cattle farm, force him to wear Wranglers on a daily basis, purchase $9,000,000 worth of photography supplies, and have a whole brood of children who are cute beyond all human decency.

I don't think my husband wants to do this. So, get out of my head.

adoringly,
wishcake

PS: I love you.

21 comments :

  1. I went to H&M on Friday & I was completely disturbed with their sizing as well. Not only did I have to be there because I outgrew all of my pants -- yeah, I'm so depressed -- but to find that in their "language" I barely fit into a size 6?! I wanted to hurt someone...

    I feel your pain. H&M is okay... their clothes are... okay. I'd rather shop at Target, honestly. ;]

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  2. Ha Ha Ha...love it about H and M! Very very funny....If I had to write to Forever 21 I would say...thank you for allowing me to wear your clothes only once and thank you for selling clothes for what they are worth with holes already in them...

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  3. lol This is definitely how I should have handled my Shoppers Drug Mart incident - just a tidy little note to the universe = )

    I love these.

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  4. lol. i love your writings.
    great stuff. ♥

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  5. You know why I hate H&M? Because the store is always a mess. Any H&M, in any city = always a mess. That and, sometimes, I wear stuff from there once and I come home and it has a hole it in. Not even in the seam. Just a hole, there, in the middle of the fabric. What's that all about? I'm not hip enough to shop H&M anyway.

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  6. See, when I went to the H&M's in France I really loved it. I raved about it. And now that's here? I hate it. I'm with you on the clothing look AND the sizing. As for Ree... yes, she makes me want to do all the same things. I want to have a lot of kids and bake homemade apple pies and talk about wrangler butts.

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  7. Oh my gosh. You kill me. You really do! I am SOOO glad you love Jacob too, I mean, ugg. Don't even get me started on my twilight-fan-freakiness. Though I pride myself that I do not actually OWN one of the books, lol, only borrowed!

    And, I love Ree, her kids..her 4 yr old, they drive me wild! I just want my 4 yr old to be able to run with her 4 yr old and learn some toughness! Looks like so much fun and hard work!

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  8. the letter to ree - it was like you took the words right out of my mouth! :)

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  9. You love me and my making you read the series. You have OBVIOUSLY not gotten to the book throwing yet. Tehe, enjoy!

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  10. Oh man, I totally know what you mean about H&M! I heard so much about them and then when I finally went to the store in Chicago, everything was either cheap looking or more expensive then I thought it should be. I ended up buying at $30 top just to buy something and 99.9 percent of the time $30 is wayyy too expensive for a top. Yep, I've been too spoiled by Target. And yes, their sizing sucks!

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  11. I loved Breaking Dawn it's my reading crack! Enjoy and please write a review or comments about what you thought!

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  12. Same thing happened to me at H&M. I'm not sure when I will go back.

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  13. I'm on Team Jacob too- Edward IS a pansy.

    P.S. I hated those books, because Bella is a needy, clumsy freak, but it was like a drug...I HAD To finish them.

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  14. Great, now you've got me hooked on Pinoeer Woman.

    Geez.

    :) Also, last weekend I tried taking Mike it H&M to buy him a cardigan (yes! I'd heard they had man cardigans and was sooo excited.)

    I left empty-handed and disapointed. :(

    Stupid Ann Taylor Loft spoiling me with their quality clothes that actually FIT!

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  15. Yea, H&M with their sizes!!!! I wear a size 2 or 4, and last time I was there I ripped a dress (woopsies) trying to get it off. Obviously, I didn't buy it, because, well, it was damaged goods. So, take that H&M.

    And, the Pioneer Woman makes me want to live in the middle of nowhere, on a big plot of land, and have a lot of dogs, and cook a lot.

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  16. oh the pioneer woman seems quite awesome.

    and very fun post :)

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  17. you are awesome. i was only about edward, but the last 2 books...so over him.

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  18. I just finished Breaking Dawn today. I found myself doing the same thing - reading it while I was eating my cereal in the morning. I'm excited for the Twilight movie.

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  19. girl, just be glad you HAVE and h&m. the only one i know of near here is in NYC. so sad.

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  20. Team Jacob all the way! Edward annoys the piss out of me!

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  21. 1. I'd heard the hype about H&M, I figured if they were good enough to have their own Sims2 expansion pack, they MUST at least be decent. I was mortified when I actually went into one last month when I was in the states. Absolutely mortified. I'm on your side.

    2. Are you as completely bothered by Breaking Dawn as I am? I want to hurl abuse at the author, because it's just so.... bad.

    3. I'm completely jealous of American Target's. They're WAY better than the crummy Australian ones.

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