September 12, 2008

on 'one of those days'...

Yesterday started out great, only to get progressively worse. No real reason why; it just did.

As I was lying in bed last night, I realized that it must have been the way the day was meant to go. My attitude certainly wasn't the best, nor was Jay's. We weren't putting the other first. I was being grumpy, he wasn't going to give me an inch. We'd finally get over it, only to give rise to another petty disagreement.

So, lying there last night, unable to sleep (because who really can sleep when their head is spinning with confusion and rationalizations?), I came to the conclusion that there's always tomorrow.

Normally, if I'm upset or frustrated, I'll nudge the heck out of Jay until he finally stays awake long enough for me to talk it all over. When we do argue, he's not a talker. Which bugs the heck out of me, but that's just how he is, and there's not much I can do about it. I'm trying to learn more how to work through things somewhat internally, so I don't make them worse by trying to talk them out. (Believe me, talking things out isn't always the most efficient thing. At least in my case. Because I have to talk and talk until the very core of me feels satisfied. Which can take a long time, especially at night.) And it's not as if we were in some huge argument or anything; I think we were just on each other's case.

It's one of those marriage things, I think. Or maybe just a relationship thing. Who knows.

I should've been thankful, too, because yesterday Jay changed his plans around so after my training, we could go out to dinner. Then he surprised me with tickets to an Angel's game - well, the tickets were from work, but still. When we pulled up into the parking lot, I was trying to suppress a smile.

me: "Jay! You said you were taking me to a music thing!"
Jay (content with his ability to be sneaky): "What? I never said that."
me: "Yes, you said that you were taking me to a traveling outdoor music festival on the grass!"
Jay (with a confused face, still laughing): "Um, no. Actually, I told you we were going to an outdoor performance."
me: "Whatever. I heard 'traveling outdoor music festival on the grass'."

It's funny how you perceive things sometimes, eh?

Anyway, this morning we woke up fine, and things are once again just dandy. I figure that every couple has times where they just grate on each other's nerves, and yesterday was just one of our days. At times, I wish we could go back to when we were first dating and we were still polite to each other, in a way. Still wanting to act a certain way around each other. Still slightly nervous in each other's presence. Still trying to impress the other.

Another instance of when I want to go back to that time, is when Jay farts around me and I get completely irate and cry out, "IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?" That, my friends, is not a pretty part of marriage. Not at all.


  1. aw, definitely must be a relationship thing! I love how you wrote that neither of you were putting the other first, because at least you do realize that that is the most important thing in marriage, relationships, life!

    The bf and i got into it last night, it was a bummer! I was totally looking forward to seeing him all day too. Only I'm opposite in that sometimes I don't like talking about it when all he wants to do it talk it out and resolve it.

    Some pretty wise words :) "there is always tomorrow."

  2. I think it's totally normal and necessary to a certain extent to just have those days. Nobody is perfect as the cliche saying goes, and nobody can get along 100% all the time, no matter if you love the other more than life itself or not. The only important thing is that you do not go to bed mad.

    Oh, and ps, I do the exact same thing. I can't sleep until EVERYTHING is figured out in my head. EVERYTHING.

    Sometimes it sucks being so organized and such! Haha.

  3. days like that stink, and sometimes there's nothing that you can do but be grumpy and wait for it to pass, i so feel you on that one.

    at least you realize when you're doing it, and you realize that it's just a day and that there is always tomorrow.

    you're wise wayyyy beyond your years you know.

  4. AMEN to the farting. If you only knew how much I protest when my husband farts in front of me. He lets it all hang out! Now, I burp... but that's not as bad as farting! (At least, I don't feel it is.) The worse part is when he does it & blames it on my poor little Sofie (my dog). I'm like, How rude can you be? She's a dog, she can't stick up for herself! ;]

    & the joys of miscommunication. Just try to be patient. I know my husband has "selective hearing" so I'll say something plain as day & he'll get something completely different. It's frustrating & I'd love to strangle him sometimes... but he's a guy & he can't help it. lol!

  5. For years I worked in pr at a college in NY. One of the wealthy donors had written a memoir, which I had to read. It was fairly lame, except for the part when she wrote about her slightly older husband insisting that they have separate bedrooms so that they wouldn't have to see each other when they were disheveled. While unrealistic for most of us, and while I like my husband a little disheveled from time to time, I thought there was a lot of merit in the idea!

    I used to be a proponent of not sleeping until everything was worked out, but lately, I'm a fan of a good night's sleep, which enables me to be more rational!

  6. Wishcake - you have to see this video... a little over the top, hilarious. (relates to your fart comments)

  7. I can completely relate to this. I received the age-old advice during my wedding days that you should never go to bed angry. But after experiencing marriage, I completely disagree. Especially when you are just plain angry because you've had a grumpy day. Sometimes just going to sleep and facing a new day in the morning is the perfect solution. Marriage is a delicate balance. It's two people trying to live two lives as two different people, but as a team. And every once in a while things will conflict. But that is OKAY. Like right now, even though I want to take Cale's xbox and through it out the window, I've decided to enjoy my alone time while I have it.

  8. I think that in all relationships, when there is a disagreement, there is one who is a talker and one who isn't - personally, I'm not a talker but my hubby is....and he will keep talking until I start talking back...its so annoying, but the problem gets fixed.

  9. I'm sorry you guys had "one of those days" ... but I'm glad things got back to peachyness the next day! I'm def like you in that I want to talk and talk and talk till I feel like I've gotten it all out. Why does it seem like fights always happen late at night? ha. And then when John is trying to go to sleep, I'll poke him and poke him to get him to wake up so we can finish the fights. Prolly not the nicest thing I could do, huh? And nobody is farting so that's good news but sometimes I get sick of him picking his nose or something like that and I know what you mean about sometimes wishing you could go back to the beginning -- then again, it's always nice to be so comfortable and for it to be OK to lounge around and watch TV with horrible hair and no make up...

  10. This is all so very true!! And I'm just like you, it sounds, I want to talk every last bit of it out RIGHT NOW and that usually just makes the argument get worse than it started out. UGH! One of those life lessons I suppose...isn't marriage fun?!? =)


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