September 5, 2008

on complete and utter domestication...

I decided yesterday, that domestication is the ticket. Like, I seriously want to quit my job and be a housewife. And I'd be totally okay with that.

I realize that I may be sending our gender back several decades by saying that, but so be it. I've never, ever been a stereotypical feminist, nor have I been a throw-your-hands-up-at-me Independent Woman (Destiny's Child? What? I love the 90's? Never mind.). I have fantasies of traveling back in time to when women wore cute little scarves in their hair while cleaning their homes and making pies and darning socks and everything was in black and white. Wait, what? What do you mean everything wasn't in black and white back then? Psh. Whatever. This is my fantasy, after all. Leave me be.

I'm just seriously old-fashioned in some ways, and perhaps a little jealous of the life my grandmothers had. Certainly, life was more difficult in some ways back then, but I just like the white-picket-fence, old-fashioned-gender-roles appeal of it all.

That era has always appealed to me, in many ways.

Yesterday was my errand/cleaning day. There is always one day out of the week where I do laundry (okay, I only do laundry every two weeks; don't judge me), do a general cleaning of the duplex (vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the floors, etc.), get groceries, run other errands, etc. It was such a perfect day. Mostly because I am one of those freaks of nature who likes cleaning. I was never a cleaner until I got married (in fact, I used to pay one of my sisters $1 to vacuum my room when I was younger) but after the nuptials, I went into full Monica Gellar mode. Like, don't mess with the kitchen after I've cleaned it, because will lay the smack down if provoked. And I don't want to hate you, but I can't exactly help it when you've just spilled pina colada smoothie mix all over the floor right after I swiffered it. Seriously.

(On a side note: yesterday I was watching the episode of Friends where Monica shows up to this lady's house at night. The woman used to date Ross, but he couldn't handle it because her apartment was basically filth. In Ross's words: "You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day? Well, like that, only that instead of a chair it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived." Monica shows up with cleaning supplies at her house after they've broken up and says something to the effect of, "Can I clean your house? Let me clean! I heard about it and I just can't sleep!" Totally made me laugh. Monica and I are homies.)

So, anyway.

I was just doing a lot of thinking yesterday, about how much I really don't want to work someday. My hope is that once we have children I'll be able to stay home. (Not sure how we'll manage this in Southern California, but this dream also goes hand-in-hand with us moving back to the Northwest. So, we'll see how it all pans out.) But, really, I'd love to be able to stay home with the kids someday. Keep the house clean and organized. Learn how to cook better, and actually get around to using all these cookbooks I have. I could do all of that, and make some income through my crafting, too.

It just sounds so perfect. But, as with everything, we'll just have to wait and see.

It's because of this hope that I continue working as much as I do, at the place I do, building up our savings and my 401k and all of that. It's because of this hope that I'm totally okay with not owning a home at this point in our lives. It's because of this hope that I'm okay with waiting another few years before we start trying for babushkas. It's because of this hope that I continue to encourage my husband in his career and all he wants to do in life. I'm not going to give up that hope, because it's something that means so much to me.

And now, without further ado, I give you The Creepiest Old Man Story Ever:

Yesterday afternoon, I'm at the checkout with my cart of groceries. I begin loading my items on the moving-belt-thingy, and the old man in front of me reaches over to put one of the separators between our items. I smile and thank him, because I'm always impressed when people do that. It's just polite. And not enough people are polite these days. Makes me happy when they are. So, as I said, I smiled and said, "Thank you!"

I finish putting up my groceries, and am standing there, waiting to move forward. The old man turns to me, eyes my groceries and seems to notice the two small bags of pistachios I plan on purchasing. (Dude, they were two bags for $5! That's freaking cheap for pistachios! I love it!) Anyway, so, he looks me straight in the eye and says, I kid you not:

creepy old man: "Looks like someone likes nuts."
me: (blink.)
creepy old man: (creepy smile.)

ARE YOU SERIOUS. Did you seriously just imply something totally inappropriate, old man? Now, it would've been one thing if he was all, "Oh, them pistachios are on sale? I loves me some pistachios! Looks like you do, too, dear." But, no. He had this Shady McShaderson look in his face, and it was all I could do not to give him a complete stink-eye. What did he expect me to respond with? "Yes, old man. I do like nuts. As in PISTACHIOS. Now keep your own, personal nuts away from me and cart, mmmkay?"

What is the world coming to when old men say things like this? I mean, come on now. I laughed about it once I was home and told Jay the story. But still. I'm at a loss. A complete loss.


  1. The thought of being a modern day June Cleaver is appealing to me occassionally too--well, except for the kids and cleaning part. But I think I could totally do the cooking part and I do like pearls. But honestly, I do admire stay at home moms and I also think they dont get enough credit, at all.

    That is a creepy old man story!

  2. There are some sleazy old men in the world. I went into the corner shop near my place of work the other day, and upon seeinf the shop name on my t-shirt(The Works, its a book/stationery/arts and crafts shop) he said
    "the works, thats what a man likes to see, all men like the works"

    If we can afford it when I have kids, I probably won't work till they go to nursery. It's only anti-feminist if its not what you want, the whole point of feminism is that women should choose what they do.

  3. Ewwwww. I did have to giggle however, because I refer to creepy dudes as Shady McShadesALot.

  4. ewwww what a creep!

  5. Ugh! Eric and I were in line at the grocery store once and he was looking at the cover of some random magazine with a model on the cover. This old gross guy just glanced over and saw that Eric was reading the cover and said, "Are you thinking the same thing I am?" It was lewd and nasty!

  6. Ewwww!!! Kerri, I'm so sorry you had to deal with mr. shadyman! GROSSS!!!! sicko! Man, what is this world coming to when you can't even go to the grocery story without being attacked by the weirdos! But yeah, that's a totally good deal on pistachios! SCORE!

    I totally agree with lisa-marie's comment - feminism is about giving women the choice to make the decision that's best for them. So if you're happy being a cute little housewifey, more power to you! I love that we're friends even though we're complete opposites - I loathe cleaning/cooking/all that jazz... Do you think you could maybe come clean my apartment? :) Hee. For realzies, we need help! Aiii!!!

  7. Okay, that is just gross. What in the world was he expecting you to say in response to that? asdklajsdlfjk

    And once again, you make me believe we were separated at birth! I'm SO ready to be a stay-at-home mom. It really is a full time job, with the cooking, keeping up the home, taking care of the kids and all the rest that goes along with it... but I think it would be so rewarding! I can't imagine having those extra 9 hours where I'm normally at work devoted to my family. :)

  8. Oh, my! All of these creepy old man stories are scandalizing me.

    BUT - I'm definitely with you on being a housewife. I know women would be turning in their grave to think we'd forgo the right to work. :-P

    When I read some mommy bloggers who talk about the isolation, the boredom, etc of staying at home - I start to wonder if I'm idealizing it too much. What if I go stir crazy? What if it turns out working is actually not half bad?


    Oh, boy.

  9. lol lol i had an old man incident the other day! he said to me, "i'm not trying to be fresh or anything but i hope your husband tells you you're beautiful" i was like, hm. thanks? it wasn't so creepy but what is it with the old men? haha.

    i've thought about staying home, but possibly running something on the side. i'm not sure how it will be with kids though, so that might take all my time.

    friends is the best ;)

  10. I completely and utterly agree. And as someone who's about to move in with her boyfriend, I have a feeling that my domesticity (? is that even a word?!) is going to be taken to a whole new level.

    I, too, want to stay home with my kids, and be "domestic" and "old-fashioned." It's how I was raised, and it's how I hope to raise my children. I don't think that any woman is right or wrong with what she chooses to do with her life; I just think certain people want certain things. :)

    Good post!

  11. That is disgusting..."looks like someone likes nuts"...? Gross! But I laughed and laughed - so thankyou! (I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.) And your references to Monica Gellar make me smile. I too reference Monica b/c I WANT to be like her as you can see here:
    But you actually are like Monica... :) Therefore you are another one of my domestic role models! :)))

  12. i'm such a domesticated person now, i sort of love it too.

  13. I very often tell my boyfriend that I should have been a 1950's housewife...but, this could have something to do with my obsession with saddle shoes!

  14. Ha ha! I love the Friends reference. My friends and family make fun of me because I as well love to clean and I love to do laundry and they ask me if I like to vacuum the vacuum after I use it because it gets dirty. I am sure you have seen that episode!

  15. I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately. One day I would like to be a stay-at-home mom running the house, playing with my kids, and keeping everything organized. I really would love it! But then I think that since I'm spending so much time and money on grad school, I should keep my career. It's going to be a tricky balance, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Maybe I can take a few years off when the kids are first born and then go back to work when they start school? Hmm...

  16. Creepy old men are the worst. It's like they all think they're George Clooney or something.

    I can certainly see the appeal of being a "housewife". I think it's an ideal situation for me to be able to stay at home when we decide to start a family. Not sure if it's feasible...but I guess a girl can dream.

  17. it's're definetly a BFF in my head.

    utter domestication is my calling.

    creepy old guy? double ick and a GAH-ross!

  18. I can totally picture that episode of Friends, and Ross's voice when saying that. That apartmet was vile! And she couldn't find her hamster in it either.

    Maybe old man thinks pistachios cause cancer, or something?!? Ya got me on that one.

    And, yes, being a housewife in socal does require 1 huge income, lest you live in a shoe box, and don't feed your children. We wait as well on that one. And, I don't think it's necessarily going back to gender roles of the 30's - 50's, it's about the option to CHOOSE what you want for YOUR life (career, housewife, thief, etc.) But, I know what you mean. Oh, and I looked at your sister's blog, I have friends that live in Spokane, WA, is that where you are from?

  19. I'm completely with you. I would be perfectly happy quitting my job and being at home! Don't tell my boss.

  20. Oh dear, you have no idea. I work at a grocery store and it's like a cesspool of creepy old men. Yesterday some old guy said to me, "I love red highlights, gets me everytime. And freckles. (winks)" Grossssss. (Note, I have red highlights and freckles.)

  21. I want a cute apron in the worst way. But the truth is, I think my boyfriend would wear it much more than I would.

    P.S. Creepy men are the worst. A few days ago I walked in a coffee shop (wearing my yellow pants and gladiator stilettos) and the older male cashier says, "I like your outfit." I thanked him... proceeded to pay for my iced tea and then he says, "I mean, most women look really slutty in those really high heels, but you manage to pull it off." Um. Thanks. What???

  22. I can't wait until the baby is born and I can stay home. Just with Caedon starting school and having this year to get Brandon ready for school, there's so much to do for them. And for me. As a mom, I don't feel fulfilled with my job. I have a good job, but I'd rather be at home with my kids talking about the alphabet and sniffing Play-doh. (Play-doh is like inhaling childhood. I love it)

    To each their own, you have to do what works for you and your family. At least you have a plan. :)

  23. I've been longing for this kind of life for ages. I'd definitely want to continue working in some creative capacity, but I'd like to do it from home and on my own schedule. Baby steps, I guess.
    BTW, love your site!

  24. That's gross. I guess that's what happens when creepy men get old: they're still creepy.

  25. Ohh I've spent the whole weekend cleaning and my oh my I am just in absolute bliss. I don't know if it's the cleaning I like or enjoying the clean house afterwards more, but oh yes. I know I can't stay home for a while, but that's why I'm supporting Cale so that he will go through law school. Staying at home will be the light at the end of the tunnel.

  26. I think I love you a little more with each post of yours I read. Seriously. :)

    I LOVE love love being a stay-at-home mom and wife, a homemaker. To me (and this is just my personal opnion, and I certainly don't judge or look down on women who choose to work outside the home) it is the ultimate job. The most rewarding, the most wonderful. I can't imagine doing anything else, and I know I am so blessed to be able to do it. There is nothing like caring for your family and home, and all the things that come with it. It's a full-time job that is sometimes 24/7, and it's SO challenging, and it's frustrating sometimes, but the rewards are greater than anything else. I hope and pray that if you really have a desire to stay home someday, that you CAN. As others have said, it's about doing what works for you and striving for the desires of YOUR heart when it comes to your life work, and doing what you feel God is calling you to do.

    Reading this, I just can't help but think what a WONDERFUL mom you are going to make someday. I already can't wait to see that, whenever it may happen. :)

    And, um, EEEEEEEWWWWWW about the creepy old man!! ew ew ew ew ew.

  27. Hi, I found your blog recently and just wanted to say, I LOVE IT! I too, would love to just stay home, clean, cook, and take care of my youngins... but it's just not possible income wise and sanity wise!! I tried the stay-at-home thing for the first 14 months of my son's life and I loved the first year, and then I got restless. Now i have the perfect mix, I work 3 days a week and home the rest. It's amazing.
    I think you are ever so wise to get your ducks in a row before bringing kiddos into the mix! It's much easier when you can focus more on them and less on making ends meet.
    I too am a fellow Monica!!! And let me just say that it is hard to have that personality with kids. But it's a good thing they are cute! ;)

  28. I'd love to be a 50s housewife. LOVE! I love to cook and clean and be all domestic.

  29. I am so glad someone else turned into Monica after saying "I do". My husband says he dated a fraud, and that I was "normal" before we married. I too have said "DONT touch my clean kitchen!"

    And the old dude....very creepy!! I often wonder if they were always creepy or if it just sorta happened once they got old.

  30. Some people should just not be allowed out in society! WOW!!

    On another note about pistachios, my husband played in this golf tournament a few months ago and for some reason he came home with massive stock of pistachios. Yep, small little individual size packs are still lurking around my house. So, if you ever want to come over and have you some pistachios (sans the creepy old man) you can!


Thoughts? Questions? General musings? Do share!

If you are asking a question, I will respond here within the comments—so, be sure to click that handy little "notify me" box below to know when I've replied!