August 12, 2008

on my husband, my confusion, my friend...

I find it humorous how different men and women are.

I mean, really. If I had any inkling my husband had written me anything - be it a card, a touching haiku on a scrap piece of paper, a single word in the dirt on my car's windshield, etc. - I would be all over that mess. You have no idea. But my husband? I kept telling him to check my blog, and finally late last night I was all, "If you don't check my blog tonight, I'm going to be totally upset." And he's all, "Okay. I will." So, I'm laying there on the bed, noticing that he's meticulously going through every single one of his emails, and then what appears to be every single article on MSN.com, pausing only a moment to write a quick blog for his friends. ARE YOU SERIOUS. Alright, Nancy. When I write you something, you'd better gosh-darn read it within the first 24 hours. Because otherwise you're just being rude and apparently don't appreciate the things I do for you.

I was in a huff until he finally got around to reading it. I guess that I sort of figured he'd react like I would, were I put in that same situation. I know that this exact thing has been one of my tragic flaws, and sometimes I still expect a certain reaction from him.

He was touched when he did finally read it, and came over to cuddle and/or give me a good tickling. But still. Guys are weird. I don't get it. I mean, my husband is a peach and I meant everything I wrote when thanking him, but sometimes I just don't get him. I guess it just makes us even, though, because I know that there are many times that he's looked at me with that glassy-eyed stare and completely didn't get me. That's just the natural balance of things, I guess.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking about my husband's role in my life.

I remember when I was little, I'd asked my mom one day who her best friend was. Without missing a beat she said, "Dad is my best friend." "Really?" I'd asked again, feeling a wee bit skeptical. "Yes, really," she responded with a smile. I remember being confused by that idea as a young girl. How could your husband be your best friend? First of all, he's a boy. So, that's obviously crazy. And second of all, how could you be in love with someone, and also be best friends with them at the same time? I couldn't think of kissing the same person who knew all the silly things about me that only a best friend would know. It was difficult for me to find the connection between the two.

I'm realizing now, more and more, how my husband has truly become my best friend. I was an emo kid the other night (I'm like this a lot lately, which I'm sure is just great fun for everyone involved) and told him how I feel like I'm relying on him more and more all the time. Needing him in more ways. Not like a connected-at-the-hip and don't-you-dare-leave-my-side type of need, but something else. It's really difficult to explain, but after nearly two-and-a-half years of marriage, I can't imagine my days without him. He's become such a part of me, I guess. Although I still have a few close girl friends, he is the one I turn to most. He's the one who shares my awkward moments and makes me feel better. He's the one who sees most of my insecurities and challenges me to work harder. He's the one who I see every morning and every night, and is perhaps the only person who I could ever tolerate being around that often without completely ripping my hair out. There's something that is so comforting about knowing you've found the one person who you can laugh with, cry with, be absolutely crazy with, dream with, sleep with and wake-up with.

I think that there is also part of me that knows he's going to be the one person, aside my family, who is going to be there forever. I've had so many friends throughout the years, friendships that have come and gone, some has survived, some not - but Jay? He's the one person who I can absolutely rely on to be there for the next sixty years. Or seventy. Or however long I'm meant to be in this world.

It's hard to explain or understand, maybe, until you've reached that point.

And now I think it's time for me to go have a glass of pinot grigio and listen to my Iron & Wine station on Pandora. Because somehow it just fits my introspective mood, if I do say so myself.

17 comments :

  1. you know, your love story is just as romantic, probably more so, than the one we heard last night.

    just saying.

    you are a lucky duck.

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  2. First of all, you and your husband are absolutely adorable. Just to throw that out there.
    Second of all, I completely get what you mean. I find myself, when I do something really nice for my boyfriend, to be just as excited about it as I would be. & if it doesn't happen? I'm usually really thrown off.

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  3. Oh I can so totally relate to all of this.

    Yesterday, in fact, I sat on Mike's lap, wrapped my arms around his neck, and got teary-eyed as I nuzzled him. I thanked him for being so wonderful to me, and begged him to stay around for a long, long time.

    I want to hope we'll be (uh, alive) together for 60 more years - I honestly don't know what I'd do without him.

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  4. My husband is my best friend too, so I can completely relate. It's true, he's the one I turn to for everything and the one I know won't judge me. It's a comforting place to be.

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  5. I came upon a similar conclusion about my husband the other day. We had had a stupid fight and I wanted to call someone to complain - and he was the only person I thought would understand me...it was very frustrating and wonderfully comforting at the same time...

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  6. i simply adore this. and you're last post.
    i love that you guys have each other.

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  7. kinda makes you feel all grown-uppy and stuff, doesn't it? I had a similar conversation with my mom when I was little. I remember feeling the same way. Like, uh, what girl in her right mind would want to be best friends with my DAD? He farts. Gross. But now that i'm all grown-up-ified and have been best friends with a boy, I get it. :)

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  8. So, I have the same issue with my husband reading my blog... so to remedy the situation, I made my blog his "home page" on his laptop. So every time he accesses the internet... VOIALA! There is my blog for him to read. :-)

    And my hubs is my best friend as well. Its an awesome feeling, isn't it?

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  9. I get this! One of my friends asked me the other day if Ian I are were best friends before we got married, or after. I said, before, but now it's like in a way, we are one person (2 become one flesh). I am very independent; but if my lover/my other half/bestie isn't with me, then I'm not completley complete. Such a beautiful thing to SHARE your life, and everything it entails, with 1 person, FOREVER!

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  10. I think my comment didn't go through, which bugs the crap out of me because I wrote something really neat & now it's gone. :[ ARGH.

    Sigh; either way, I was just saying that I know exactly what you mean because I feel the same way in regards to my own husband, however silly & oblivious he may be. Seriously, it'll take him FOREVER to get my little hints... especially with the whole blog thing. Men... ;]

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  11. this was the sweetest thing i have read in a long time.

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  12. that is oh so sweet! ♥

    have you read men are from mars and women are from venus? my boyfriend and i sometimes have our 'issues' and my friend told me about the book and all the truth that is in it about how men and women are entirely different. such a good book! anyway, it reminded me of your first thought/post to this entry.

    i love your realization of jay and how important he has come to be for you. i am realizing this with my boyfriend (soon to be fiance? hehe) and especially with my lack of good quality girl-friends right now, just how my boyfriend will always be here for me..he really has become my best friend. i relate. completely.

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  13. i think i have it a little easier since my bf was my best friend before we started dating. so somehow we've managed to hold onto both, which i truly adore :)


    but yes i agree, boys are still weird, haha.

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  14. Oh man... husbands are funny creatures, huh?! I know what you mean when you say you would be totally over that mess! But they're the best thing ever too -- I love having mine as my best friend! It's so nice to realize that despite a crazy mixed up world, we have our hubbies to come home to and depend on for life. Such a sweet post!!

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  15. I'm like Katelin, my boyfriend was my best friend before anything and it was all so natural...so I know what you mean. Even when I'm so frustrated with him I can't see straight I adore him and want him to be around because I know for the most part, he gets it.

    You rock, by the way. :)

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  17. Isn't it amazing. I know exactly what you mean. :) Its nice to know that whatever or where ever life takes us that person is there. To dry a tear, give a peck and just above all listen. Ha, i know i'd be all over (as you put it) that mess, if i were to get just simple "i love you". Boys are just funny. Do they think we don't need to have some sort of written admiration? Heehee :) It's nice to know i'm not the only one who finds out more and more each day that the one person i rely and want to gush about everything to is my husband. :) We seriously, need to hang out more. You know!

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