August 6, 2008

on my boring life...

So, although I'm feeling incredibly boring, I just feel the need to write something. Here I am. In all my glory. If you get bored, go eat some crackers or something, then come back and leave a comment saying you love me despite my flaws. Okay? Okay.

In the last few days I've done the following things:

1. Nearly had my face eaten off by several freakishly huge spiders who decided to nest on my garage door. On the handle. On the lock. Where I need to put my hand in order to open the garage. (Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.) First of all, after I was done gazing in wonderment at the brilliant web these creatures had spun in no less than eight hours, I tried calling my husband to rescue me. No answer. Granted, it was after 10pm, and he was most likely sleeping, but still. Where is a knight in shining armor when you need him? Especially when it involves squishing bugs. So, I ran inside the house (the husband was, indeed, sleeping - and oblivious to my trauma) and grabbed the only bug spray. Which is, I think, some sort of roach spray from the dollar store. (We sometimes get crickets, and...we're cheap?) I ran back out to my car, trained the headlights of my car directly on the spiders, and got out to spray the things to hell and back. Let me tell you, I sprayed the ENTIRE CAN OF SPRAY and those creatures were NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I'm pretty sure I heard them laughing at me. After a string of profanities that I am not exactly proud of, I ended up karate kicking the stupid door until the spiders fell to the concrete where I could squish them with my heels. I may or may not have shouted something along the lines of, "WHAT NOW! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET? DO YOU?" It was a nice evening, really. (And my husband was still kind enough to spoon me when I got into bed smelling like roach spray. That's love, people.)

2. I reunited with a friend I haven't seen in over a year. It's always refreshing to meet up with a friend after so much time has gone by, and you go back to the way you were before the distance. Even better, this friend is now living near me after being on the East coast, and she's married! I have a married friend nearby! Be still my heart! This girl is such a peach, and we caught up for a couple hours while enjoying entirely too many calories at Coffee Bean. I look forward to seeing the girl more often, for sure. It feels good to be talking about something to do with husbands or marriage and say, "You know?" and have the other person say, "Dude, I know!" Kindred spirits, I tell you.

3. I had a really weird bout of insomnia a couple nights ago. I can't think of the last time that happened. I hate it when I can't sleep - even if I have the option of sleeping in the next morning, I still get panicky. So, midnight rolled around. One rolled around. Then one-thirty. Then two-fifteen. Then, around two-forty-five I was all, "Screw this!" I rummaged through my drawer to find something to help me sleep, but being that I'm not normally a drug addict, all I could find was some Claritin, nasal spray and a bottle of Vicodin from the whole kidney stone charade. So, of course, I took a Vicodin, right? Well, twenty minutes later, I ended up being warm, fuzzy, and still awake. I remember when I took the Vicodin for my kidney stones, I'd be out like a light after about an hour. But apparently it was not working when I wanted to sleep. Lame. So, needless to say, I woke up after a restless sleep the next morning with puffy Vicodin eyes, and still had to go to work. I just can't win, can I?

4. I was quite victorious when it comes to the work-out part of my plan. I worked out five days in a row after I came back from vacation! Heck, yes! It felt good, actually. I didn't feel repressed or anything, like I usually do. However, I'll do you a favor and tell you now that I ate HORRIBLY. Perhaps not as bad as I could have eaten, but it certainly wasn't the picture of health that I was going for. I think that I'm too good at rationalizing things: "Well, I've worked out five days in a row - what's an entire bag of cookie dough nubbins going to do?"

5. I survived a terrible bout of death cramps. If you were lucky enough to be following the madness on my twitter, you'll know that I also had to tear the place apart searching for Advil. I have one bottle of Advil, and it's always mysteriously absent whenever I need it. (When we moved to the duplex earlier in the year, I found no less than three bottles of Advil, because I always go and buy a new one when I can't find any. You'd think I could be more organized.) Anyway, I haven't had cramps like this in forever. They were the "oh my gosh, I'm actually probably going to die" type of cramps. When I still couldn't find the Advil, I ended up rolling over to my drawer 'o narcotics again and taking a Vicodin as a last resort. Which made me feel warm, fuzzy and still incredibly crampy. Vicodin, you are worthless and I hate you. Anyway, to make a ridiculous story short, I finally found the bottle of Advil in an old purse (seriously, who am I?) and took four. I remember thinking, "Wouldn't it be terrible if I died from an Advil overdose? That would be a little embarrassing. Maybe I should leave a note explaining the death cramps."

And today I get to reunite with my lovely Cricket! She is in town for the week, and I'm debating whether or not I should hold her hostage here in California. I'll let you know what I decide.


  1. Somehow your boring life still seems quite entertaining to me. :) I loved the story about the spiders and roach spray. I always yell at bugs when I see them. Somehow I think that will make them die faster?

  2. ah! I hate are kinder than I would have been. I would have gone in the house to wake the hubby up so that he could handle the spider situation!

  3. Is your vicodin expired? I haven't taken it for years (wisdom teeth pulled maybe), but it just made my hands numb.

    I saw a commercial for aleve, and it's convinced me that it's better than advil or tylenol, so next target run, I'm getting aleve.

    And when I make cookie dough, I eat A LOT of it! It's better than the cookies, really.

  4. okay the spider thing would have freaked me the eff out, shudder shudder shudder.

  5. so many comments:

    1. did you ever read about my praying mantis incident? you would appreciate it after your lovely encounter this week!

    2. tonight i hanging out with a friend from college i havnt seen in 2 years! so excited!

    3. me too! i swear i can always sleep. but this week i couldnt sleep for crap. i know of several other people who had the same problem. my scientific theory is that it has something to do with the energy of the earthquake last week.

    4. dont be too hard on yourself. you look fabulous- seriously you should be proud of that bod! and you have a man who adores it! but just keep in mind weight loss/ gain is all about calories consumed vs calories burned. hell you could eat nothing but steak and cookiw dough but as long as you burned more calories than you took in you would loose weight.

    5. i take 4 advil all the time. like, several times a week. you'll be fine :) and btw i hate those death cramps. for the last few years (warning: this may be tmi) i have been skipping the inactive pills in my bc pack for like 2-3 months in a row, avoiding the period all together. its perfectly safe and you should give it a try- or go get on seasonelle or seasonique. you should probably still cycle every few months though to make sure youre ok and not preggers

  6. Oh how I wish some of my married friends live nearby!

  7. We can have killer cramps together. From a distance. Though not far, because in an hour I hop a plane to San Diego for four days. Yay me. ;) We're hittin' up a water park on Sunday, you should come. Not kidding. Miss you.

  8. I remember the night you couldn't sleep via twitter. I was right there with you!

  9. darling, it is your very flaws that we love so much. :)

    Anyway... SPIDERS UGH I HATE SPIDERS. With a passion. I am quite impressed at your bravery!!

    I am so very happy for you gaining a married friend nearby!!Esepcially one who is a kindred spirit. That's marvelous, and I can just imagine all the great discussions and fun that you girls will be able to have. Yay, what a blessing!

  10. three things:
    1. ew ew ewew Spiders. I hatttttteeeeeee me some spiders. (so why oh why am I living in Oz, the land of DEADLY and HUGE spiders? don't ask me, ask the boyf.)
    2. I had some killer cramps the other day too (and I rarely/never get cramps) I pretty much wanted to die as I writhed in pain trying to sleep. No good.
    3. I used to do that with the Advil too, then I talked myself into buying one of those mini-tubes and keep re-filling it in my purse so I'm never without it. Then I keep the mondo-gigantaur bottle at home. AB always wonders WHY i need so much advil. He's obviously never been a girl...

  11. I love you. And what flaws?? ;)
    Seriously though, your blog is one of my favorites. And I was kept up to date on your evil cramps through twitter, I totally felt for you. :(

    I tagged you, check out my blog for more info!

  12. Thank you for making my morning! Its the end of a long, pms-y, bad week and it makes me feel better that Heather and I aren't the only ones having it rough this week. I can completely sympathize with the death cramps - combined with deadly moodswings - I'm shocked my husbad is still around!

  13. You are adorable. =] We seem to get into the same kind of predicaments. That spider one especially sounded like me.

    I love your blog. :] It's my most favorite.

  14. Your blog totally entertains me. You have a way of expressing yourself that cracks me up! I requested to follow you on twitter, cuz, I'd like to know what crazy things you come up with that aren't posted...

  15. I hate cramps.

    And I totally feel you on feeling boring but still wanting/needing to write.

    Only I choose the lazy way. ; ) (i.e.: not writing.)

    Friends are great. And I'm a little jealous of your Coffee Bean. Stupid west coast and all your Coffee Beans! Not fair, I tell you!

  16. #2 is my favorite thing in the whole world. I rarely get to see some of my dearest friends in person, but when we sit down and pick up where we left off... it just lifts my spirits and reminds me that there are people in life you just connect with and no amount of miles in between you will interrupt that.

  17. My name is Marcy Barnes and i would like to show you my personal experience with Vicodin.

    I am 23 years old. Have been on Vicodin for 3 months now. Is very relaxing, is the perfect medice for pain and eit calms you and mellows you down the best

    I have experienced some of these side effects -
    constipation, dependecy, nausea and stomach pain at morning.

    I hope this information will be useful to others,
    Marcy Barnes


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