July 12, 2008

on a sleepless night and (what else?) babies...

Friday night, I couldn't sleep. As I've mentioned before, I absolutely hate when I know I have to get up early, and I can't seem to fall asleep. It makes me physically angry. And then once I start getting panicky ("If I fall asleep right now, I'll get six-and-a-half hours of sleep; if I fall asleep in ten minutes...") there is absolutely no way my eyes will stay closed. I knew I had to get up at 4:20am for work, so the panicky thing started fairly early. Once 11:30pm rolled around, I did my whole angry-roll-over-and-loud-sigh thing, hoping that Jay would notice. However, he seemed to be completely out of it and apparently not as charitable with his hand-on-the-back, comfort-the-wifey moves. Lame. I sort of tapped him on the shoulder after feeling ignored and tried to work up my most pathetic voice. Ever.

me: (tiny voice.) "Jaaaaayyy. I can't sleeep."
Jay: (groggy voice.) "What do you want me to do?"
me: (frown/glare/pissed off sleepy face.) "Mmmlhhmmifyoulovedmeshlmmeemlm."

I mumbled something incoherent and slightly rude, and stared at the ceiling for the next fifteen minutes before dragging myself out of bed and into the living room.

What do you do when you can't sleep?

I sat on the couch watching traffic for a while. It makes me feel better to know that there are so many other people up and about. (Granted, it wasn't even midnight on a Friday night, so I'm not sure who would be in bed except for those of us to get to wake in the predawn hours for a weekend of work.) I sat there for a good ten minutes before I decided to get a glass of milk and find something to occupy my mind.

My parents had sent me a couple boxes of old journals, notebooks, scrapbooks and other memory-filled things a few weeks ago, and I hadn't had much time to go through them yet. So, I sat there by the back door, in my underwear, hair a mess, drinking a glass of milk, going through an old notebook from when I was seventeen. Reading my words and remembering thinking these things, remembering the day I wrote them, was oddly comforting. I love that I have so many journals from throughout my life. I truly do feel transported back to another time as I read things I've written. It helps me be more in tune with myself, somehow. It helps me have more appreciation for myself, and the person I am. It also makes me rather miss that hopelessly romantic, slightly naive, always hopeful girl I was at seventeen. I was so much more trusting in God's plan. I was constantly dreaming. My biggest problem was figuring out the difference between "sparks" and true love. It was definitely a simpler time, as silly as that sounds.

I read through the notebook, and finally felt like I could go to bed and actually get some rest. I only had a few hours of sleep and the next morning was only half-way human before my now traditional Saturday morning MacDonald's iced coffee (with caramel!). But, oh well. That's life. There's always time for a nap.

(For the record, I told Jay the next day about my sleepless night and he asked why I hadn't woken him up. Apparently he has no recollection of his insensitivity? Which is okay. The man talks in his sleep; what can I expect? I just feel better knowing he wasn't being rude on purpose.)

Last night we went to a free showing of Baby Mama. Loved it! Tina Fey is a peach! Seriously. And the movie was better than I'd heard. Granted, I'm not sure how seeing a movie ALL ABOUT BABIES is at all conducive for my baby fixation, because afterwards I was all teary-eyed and wistful. I told Jay that he couldn't blame me because, hey, I'm from Spokane, Washington. If you know one thing about Spokane, it's that if you aren't pregnant by twenty-five, people will start thinking there's something wrong with your ovaries.

He tried to cheer me up with a startling rendition of Cheer Up, Charlie.

It actually kind of helped.


  1. I haven't seen that movie yet, I actually heard from someone that it DIDN'T spark their baby fever so I thought it was safe, but considering we are both kind of on the same wavelength I can bet that I would leave wanting one in my belly RIGHT NOW (and not in an Austen Power's Fat Bastard kind of way). But sadly, I would still probably subject myself to it. Like how I watch Juno and enjoy it. And want to be able take a pregnancy test and have a little baby growing fingernails in my uterus. Sigh.

  2. I liked baby mama but was kinda bummed that it wasn't written by Tina Fey. but the shower and bar scenes helped me get over that a bit.

    and for some reason when I can't sleep, I count backwards. "100 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer" kind of style.

  3. Sorry you couldn't sleep. I usually whine to my boyfriend, but he's always sleeping soundly. :(

  4. Aww; Cheer up, Charlie, as in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory...? Cute, nevertheless. :]

    I have to tell you that your reminiscing over your old diaries sounds so much like me. So much, that I was saying "Mhm" silently to myself. It sounds like you have a lot of old journals; how many? I'm still contemplating burning mine... ;/

  5. Aw, Jay sounds like a sweetheart.
    And Baby Mama was amazing- & I know what you mean about sometimes getting the baby fever. I know that I'm way too young, but when I watch Jon & Kate + 8? It's hard to avoid wanting to take one for myself!

  6. i wanted to see baby mama, glad you liked it. i'm just going to wait for dvd now :)

    and it's okay i have a baby fix too these days and i'm not even married! and kids definitely aren't happening for a while, but it's okay to pretend right?

  7. I love that he sang you "Cheer up, Charlie" -- that's so adorable! Man, you girls and your baby fever! I hope I get that one day so I can see how it feels. Ooh- and where are the pics of your new hairdo? huh huh?

  8. As someone who is also in a constant state of baby fever, that movie had the same effect on me. And apparently, the mall where I work is THE place to bring your adorable babies and basically act out that first scene where their all in her face for me. Cute babies everywhere...the boyfriend just looks at me and says, "Stop it."


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