April 14, 2008

on busting a move...

Last night, at the gym, I saw some girl experience one of my worst fears.

I was stepping away on the StairMaster (just trying it out for kicks and giggles), and a couple girls came over next to me and got onto the machines. One of them was trying to explain to her friend how to use it.

girl one: "Just step on and push the 'quickstart' button, kay?"
girl two: "Yeah, um, okay."
(pushes a few buttons.)
girl two: "Ugh - wha? Sheeeeaaaahhhh!"

Girl two is now basically RUNNING on the StairMaster machine. She is now hanging on for dear life as her legs attempt to keep up with her. Running up stairs. I died a little inside for her, at that moment.

girl one: (freakishly calm, as if this was some sort of her evil plan) "No. You're fine. Just press stop."
girl two: (climbing the stairs as fast as humanly possible, reaching for the "stop" button that is just out of reach no matter how fast she goes) "I CAN'T DO IT."
girl one: "Just press the stop button."
me: thinking: how about you help out your friend before she flies across the room, you heartless wench?
girl two: "Aaaarrrgh!" (finally reaching button, stops and gasps for air)
girl one: "Huh. I don't know what you did. Just press the 'quickstart' button this time."
girl two: "But now I'm scared."

Seriously, I'm not recommending the StairMaster as simple for beginners. I'm amazed that I made it through a 25 minute workout on that thing without seriously injuring myself. If I remember correctly, I once fell up stairs. If that doesn't make me ridiculous, I'm not sure what does.

I've actually been doing my rogging workouts for about a week now, and haven't tired of them yet. (Running + jogging = rogging. All the cool kids are doing it.) I absolutely can't run on a treadmill for some reason, but I've found so much joy in being outside, running through the neighborhood. I like that there isn't some digital screen telling me how slow I'm going, how many calories I'm burning, how much time I have left to go. I think I do better not knowing. There is less pressure, and I think that it makes me work harder that way.

And it's much more entertaining, too. I play games. Helps pass the time, and keeps my mind off my legs, which are rapidly turning into meatloaf as I run.

1. Pretending I'm Reese Witherspoon. That way I feel pretty when I run. Even though I'm a hott mess, in reality.
2. Choosing prime real estate. While running through the neighborhood, I decide which home I would like to buy, list the pros and cons, begin negotiating a price, and then decide whether or not I will plant tulips or poppies along the walkway. It's fun.
3. I only run on the right side of the road, unless Kate Nash comes on my iPod playlist, at which time I'll switch to the left side of the road. She's British. Makes sense to me, anyway.
4. I ask myself a series of "What would happen if?" questions, such as: "What would happen if I got tired and took a quick rest in that person's porch swing?" and "What would happen if I picked up that woman's adorable child and asked if I could keep it?" and "What would happen if I decided to put on a spur the moment performance of "Go Go Jo" in the middle of the street?"

Helps me pass the time, at least.

Honestly, though, I feel really good lately. It is really important to me, to really get into shape and be truly healthy. Sure, half the time I'm bitter about it because I still think I should be able to sit around all day and eat an entire box of Totino's Pizza Rolls if I want to, but how selfish is that? I've been given this one body, and I should make the most of it. And that's my goal.


  1. You are so inspiring! I do love running, but have yet to find a good loop to run around our house (we're pretty rural, so windy two lane roads aren't exactly safe), but you have made me want to get outside! the treadmill at my work just isn't cutting it. My husband and I will have to go driving to find a good running location.

    And thanks for the comment, I've adding you to my blogroll as well. I love your attitude about life.. and it's nice to find another Monica Gellar-esque person to read.

  2. Oh man I would have been so scared if I was that girl on the stair master, haha. Kind of sounds like me when I first got on a treadmill, I had no idea what I was doing, haha.

    And seriously, send your workout motivation my way, I have seriously been lacking lately, oy.

  3. When I play Kate Nash at work, customers always bitch about it and make me change it. Isn't that stupid?

    BTW!- You totally stole my meatloaf line. Officially. Bitch.

    :-D I love you.

    Hehe, I'm watching Antiques Roadshow (cause I'm COOL), and it's in Spokane. Woot.

  4. I am always scared I am going to go flying off the elliptical when I use it at the gym. Scary!!

  5. hahahahaha. i love how you just watched the oblivious girl not help the frantic girl... and didn't help yourself.

    then again, i am not up to date on gym etiquette, as it isn't my scene.

    hmm. i'm jealous. keep it up!

  6. HAHAHHAHA!! You seriously had me laughing aloud at my desk this morning (good thing no one else is here yet!)

    That poor girl.

  7. OK seriously...Go Go Joe is only the BEST thing that ever happened to my workout regiment. When I was choreographing the show, all I did was listen to that soundtrack when I worked out. Talk about multi-tasking. And then of course the 7-hour rehearsal I spent actually teaching the kids...I wanted to shoot myself.

    One of my guy friends fell off the elliptical. I think I achieved an entire workout in a matter of seconds, from laughing so hard.

    I worked out for the first time in three weeks, the other night. Note to self, Sunday evening is a GREAT time to go. Nobody is there. I just cancelled my membership to the big chain here in town, mostly because I'm on Ben's account (and we can't have that) but also because I don't like the big corporate chains anyway.

    I owe you an email. Coming soon. ;)

  8. YAY! Thanks for your comment on my guest bloggy! Ooh- I must find that picture of the babushka LOL cats!

    Oh man-- I'm always scared of something like that happening on the treadmill too! Eeeee!!!! That girl's friend sounds like a crazy mean biotch! I love that you said she was freakishly calm. HA!

    rogging- i love it! I really, really need to start rogging! Maybe I'll go outside instead of the gym too-- I always get bored on the treadmill and wanna quit after 5 mins! I like looking around the neighborhood-- but then again, I feel like I often go slower when I'm outside. Hmm...

    ooh! I love your four rules! Maybe I'll try that next time I'm out in the neighborhood! SO funny-- I love your kate nash rule. And i LOVE kate nash so, so the much. she's so good.

    ok, this is the longest comment of all time. whoops!

  9. WHAT?!?!? Your job rocks. I want someone else to fund my dancing in the name of health benefits.

  10. Oh that girl at the gym sounds evil. Just evil.

  11. I need to start playing the "what if" game. That's brilliant.

  12. I know that it's wrong, but I totally snickered! I feel bad, but I want to laugh more. Anyway, you're awesome. I'm going to run more so I can be just like you.


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