February 12, 2008

on hanging shelves...

So, after the gym this morning I was antsy. (First of all, at the gym, I was stuck on a treadmill that faced a grand wall of mirrors. The entire time I went back and forth between two different thoughts. The first: "Oooh! Collar bones! Boo-yah!" The second: "When, for the love of all things holy, did I become so pasty? Seriously. This 90 year old man next to me has more of a rosy glow than I do. I am disgusting.")

My antsy-ness led me to the decision of hanging the aforementioned shelf all by myself. Yeah, so not a good idea. It took me, like, a year and a half just to get it level, and then when I tried to get the plastic screw holder thingies into the wall they sort of shred to bits. No, not sort of, they DID shred to bits. All I kept thinking was how easy it was to hang this thing in the apartment. I really don't get it. I think the walls of the duplex are made of equal parts concrete and evil.


I finally decided to ditch the plastic screw holder thingies and just put the screws directly into the wall. But, really, those guys don't want to stay put without the plastic screw holder thingies. Plus, the holes I was making had been getting progressively larger with each passing moment.

After a while I started getting naseous and just screwed back into the three holes that I had already created. (I put a bolt into 3 of 8 places. But let's not think about that.) I put the shelf onto the holder, and voila. Done. I made sure to put the lightest things possible on the shelf, but really, I don't think it's going to fall off. I wiggled it and all. Still, I keep having these terrible visions of arriving home tonight to a smashed up television. How would I explain myself out of THAT one?

me: "Um, yeah, I only happened to have the ability to...you know...put in three screws...out of the eight...and, erm. Well, it looked sturdy! I swear! Don't patronize me!"
Jay: "I think I the craters you carved into the wall give me the right to patronize you as much as I feel necessary."
me: "Fair enough."

It looks nice, though. I'll have to post a photo. (That is, when Verizon stops being stupid and gives us our internet.)

Tonight I'm going to watch Across the Universe. I've been waiting forever to see it! So excited! Weee!


  1. Oh man I am horrible at handy work, I hope the shelf stays up for you :)

  2. Well I hope nothing crashes down, sounds like you did a good job though! :)

    And um, Across the Universe is pretty much one of the best movies ever. I went to buy it and don't usually get the fancy versions but all they had left was the deluxe one so I was all, "Oh well, I just really want this movie and what's five extra dollars?" The end, enjoy the movie.

  3. happy valentine's day!

  4. I'm pretty sure my apartment walls are also made from equal parts concrete and evil, especially the ones in the bedroom. I hope your shelf decides to stay nicely in it's designated area.


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