January 18, 2008

on something that shouldn't make me sad, but does...

I just found out that the girl who was my best friend for a good three or four years when I was younger, just recently got married. I saw a few photos, and I was surprised that I had to hold back tears. And although I'm so completely happy for her, they weren't simply tears of happiness.

They were tears of, "How did we lose touch? How have I not spoken with her in years? How is she married, and I knew nothing about any of it? How did we used to be attached at the hip, and now we aren't even hardly acquaintances?" I know she doesn't owe me any of that, and I'm more sad that I didn't make more of an effort to keep in touch. That neither of us made a real effort. It's neither of our faults, I guess - both of our lives have been changing, busy. It's times like this when I hate that times have to change, that we all have to change.

That's what the years do; I know this. She moved to Kansas, I to California. We've led separate lives, most likely become different people than we were when we spending sleepless nights talking about our current crushes and dreams of getting a lead role in the most recent musical.

But it's just sad to me.

I guess it's just surreal seeing photos of someone who you remember in your mind as a giddy fifteen-year-old, and now she's grown up into someone you don't even know, and she's in her wedding dress looking like an old-fashioned movie star. It makes you think.

I wonder if she ever thinks of me.

Or if she thought the same thing when she saw wedding photos of me.

6 comments :

  1. hmmm...been there. And it sucks. Wish I had better advice to give than my words of empathy.

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  2. My best friend from high school did the same. We were inseparable. Didn't talk as much after high school and she got married. I didn't get an invite. It hurt because we were so close and use to talk about the day we'd get married. I wasn't even there :(

    I understand.

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  3. Breaking up with a friend is awful. I've been there, watching her in her new life.... it was painful, and there's really nothing you can do. Breakups with friends are worse than with boyfriends because you just assume that the friend will always be there.

    I totally feel with you, and I hope things get better....

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  4. I went thru the same thing from my best friend. We had a blowout and didn't speak to each other. Then, I found out she was pregnant and it really crushed me that I didn't even know. Then, she had the baby premature and I couldn't handle it-I called and went to see her and now we are pretty close again. I bet if you called your friend, she would be super happy to hear from ya.

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  5. It's always hard to "reconnect" with close friends and realize how different you really are now. I understand that completely...

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  6. i've gone through the same thing - we talk but its like every 6 months or something and we used to go crazy if we didn't talk everyday! I'm trying to repair it but its hard (both of us have busy lives)

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