October 31, 2007

on keeping my head on straight...

For some reason, I find it difficult to keep things in perspective. And not let everything get to me so much.

Every day I wake up with such good intentions, and then slowly, but surely, the cynicism just slips right back into it's usual place. When I'm frustrated about things, it's difficult for me to keep it to myself.

Maybe it's because I'm "grown up". Maybe it's because I've finally lost bits of that naive girl I used to be, and realize that the world doesn't revolve around me, and people aren't always as good as you'd hope they would be. I think when you grow up with the assumption that people are generally good, it's too easy to be disappointed.

But I wish I still had that optimism more often than I do now.

I think I'd like to move out of the US and live somewhere where I feel like I'm making a difference in the world. A difference that really matters, and changes things. I hate that degrees and rent and full-time-jobs are the things that get in the way of things like that, and yet there's really nothing you can do about that because...you need those things.

Maybe Jay and I could just be hippies.

(Well, hippies who use deodorant and shampoo their hair on a regular basis. I stood in line behind a couple hippies at a bakery yesterday, and they weren't faring too well in that category, if I do say so myself, although the woman somehow had time to apply a painstaking amount of body glitter to her eyelids. Curious, if you ask me.)

Somehow I don't think Jay would go for that, and perhaps I wouldn't either if it meant that I didn't get to keep my Scion or shop at Target on a regular basis. Okay, let's just scratch the hippie idea. I guess what I want is something that doesn't involve a 40-hour work-week stuck in some sort of office, wondering daily how absolutely anything you're doing is noticed or appreciated or means anything in the grand scheme of things.

good things:
+ getting the very last chocolate-with-peanut-butter-chips cookie at the bakery.
+ getting the yearly check-up, and feeling healthy.
+ creating crafts for those I love, for those who will appreciate them.
+ the husband doing dishes for me, and sending me texts.
+ unexpected laughing fits with someone you don't even know that well.
+ compliments from strangers.
+ having somewhere to live, even if it isn't the thing dreams are made of.
+ wearing bunny ears to work.
+ "new loves" mix on my iPod, of all my latest favorites.
+ sisters.

And I'm not even going to write about the not-so-good-things. Not for today.

1 comment :

  1. I'm sorry that things are not so good today! Hopefully tomorrow will be better :) I thought about the hippie thing too but it didn't work out as well as I had hoped.. oh well, there's always europe!


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