September 18, 2007

on the perks of the job...

It's nights like this, where I realize that I can't quit my job.

We had our annual company dinner, which was amazingly fab in itself because, hey, I'm a shmuck for free food. (In fact, I was full after the appetizers. Need I tell you that after the other two courses and dessert, I feel like a cow. When I have free food, I always want to consume it all, which doesn't really make sense because it's free - but, that's the way I roll. And at this point, I very well could roll. Ugh.) Anyway, we always get a bit of a bonus every year, and that's what we all look forward to: that beautiful, crisp white envelope after dessert, that we so eagerly want to rip into like a rabid animal, but we wait to open in the car (or, in my case, sitting on the loo after dinner because I didn't want to open it in front of anyone, running the risk of looking like a money-grubbing punk, and yet I COULDN'T STAND THE ANTICIPATION AHHHH.)

Let's just say that I squealed with joy after opening it. There were quite a few bills in there. Five to be exact. I felt like a pimp.

I asked Jay if I could keep one, and then we could put the rest in savings. He said that was fair. Then I got greedy and told him I should really keep two, because, after all, it really is my money - or maybe I should just keep it all because, really, it should be considered "extra" money we weren't expecting. He saw the glint in my eye, and told me that no, I couldn't spend it all on a camera. (He knows me too well.) I'm still toying with the idea of keeping two, but then I realize that whenever I have all this extra money, I never know what to do with it, and end up spending it on something stupid just to spend it. I'll probably end up just keeping one. We should keep building the savings, right? Right. (Boooo.)

As eager as I am to break up the monotony of my life, and try something new...there are just too many "good things" about my job. I never want to be one of those people who stay in a job or somewhere just because of the money, but right now? I have to. We are by no means living from paycheck-to-paycheck (which is certainly a blessing - I'm in no way seasoned to live on top ramen and the McDonalds dollar menu) but, still, if I took a pay cut we'd certainly feel it. (Especially with our rent going up again - those bastards.) I like that we are able to go on vacations every year, that I'm able to go out shopping and buy several new things without (too much) guilt, and that we can go out to dinner and a movie and not feel like we're spending money we don't have. My job pays so well, gives me amazing benefits, will pay most of my college if I decide to go back, gives me a 401(k) and plus all these little bonus goodies that send me into fits of absolute glee - and I enjoy my job, for the most part...the customer service part.

But. Who knows.

This week I really want to be a photographer, so maybe that's something to shoot for. I think it would be a heck of alot easier to push through another two years at my job, if I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I think alot of my inpatience comes from not knowing what my "plan" is, and having no end in sight, you know? I need to make a decision. It's always been difficult for me to do so. I'm indecisive.

In other news, my mom is sending me their old camera for me to try out. Minolta. Motorola. Mazda. Whatever the heck it is, I don't know, but I'm excited to try out a "film" camera just for kicks. Hurrah! We shall see how that goes.

That's it for now. I need to go and do some serious digestion. Ugh.

3 comments :

  1. I know the feeling of working at a job b/c the money's good. A lot of magazines take free lance photo submissions and pay you for them if used. That's a good way to see if you want to be a photographer or not. I did it last year a few times and it was nice - but not something I could live off of - now its my hobby.

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  2. I don't know why, but I have been wanting a new camera lately too. I love my old one so I don't know what the deal is! Hey, I finally did the 7 weird things you passed me, thanks, it was fun!

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  3. Okay let me amend that, I think I changed to weird things, but maybe that just makes me weirder?!

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