August 19, 2007

on my own, personal, Axis of Evil...

Because I figure everyone should have one of their own, here is mine:

  • The security lines at LAX airport. And SeaTac airport.
  • Children with mullets. Wait, let me make that parents of children with mullets, because it's not exactly the childs problem if their parent is disturbed enough to give their a child a mullet in this day and age and country, is it?
  • Street sweeping. (If you don't have this in your neck of the woods, you'd better be thanking the heavens above. I can't tell you how much I hate this thing the government created simply to write more parking tickets. That's all it is, really. It's not like there are pine needles or huge piles of debris covering the residential streets of Southern California - so, why are we being forced off our streets for hours at a time each week just so some silly little machine can "sweep" the streets free of this alleged mess that has been building up during the week, and some evil little man following the sweeper in a Honda Civic can write you a ticket if you forgot to set your alarm and didn't get out to your car to move it in time? Yeah. That's my question to you. Damn the man, whoever the heck he is.)
  • My arch nemesis. Who shall remain unnamed.
  • People who go 60 mph on the freeways. I simply don't get people who won't even go the posted limit of 65, when everyone else around you is soaring by at speeds of 80+. Hello? Road rage, anyone?
  • Nylons.
  • Most of the cashiers at the dry cleaners I go to. I'm pretty sure I haven't received such attitude from near-strangers in many, many moons. (Dude, if you don't want to work at a dry cleaners, which you obviously don't have the drive and/or desire to do, then...GET A NEW JOB, AHHHHH.)
  • Men who don't know me, yet insist on giving me nicknames like "Blondie", "Darlin", "Sweetheart" and "Hun". Creep much lately?
  • Britney Spears' stylist. (Or lack thereof.)
  • A man we shall refer to only as "Poo".
  • People who feel the need to breathe heavily all the time, sounding as if they are constantly suffering from a mild asthma attack. Maybe it's not their fault. Maybe it is. Either way, it makes me naseous.
  • Bachelor Parties.
  • Any type of circus involving poor, captive animals.
  • That song, "Lady in Red". It makes me want to eat my own arm.
  • Mustard. It pretty much ruins a sandwich.
  • Same thing with nuts. They pretty much ruin a good cookie and/or brownie.
  • Scott Peterson, for obvious reasons. I'd like to punch him in the face.
  • The Taliban, because I'm thinking they should be on pretty much everyone's axis of evil.
  • Paris Hilton's entire CD. Not that I've heard all of it. But I'm just going with my gut on this one.
  • Anyone with naturally tan skin. Petty, I know, but bitter jealousy can do that to a person.
  • The new cast of Saturday Night Live, because they are not funny. (M came up with that one on HER axis of evil, and I just had to steal it because she does have a point. A rather good one, at that.)
  • Carlos Mencia. Rude.
  • My cat. (But only when he's puking or trying to climb on my plate while I'm eating dinner or howling at 2AM. Otherwise, we're generally okay.)
  • The price of gas.
  • The price of Dooney & Bourke bags.
  • WalMart and all who enter there.
  • Beauty magazines. (Although I can't get enough of them, it's true people say that you'll only feel like poo about yourself after looking through them.)
  • On that same note, belly fat.
  • Possums, obviously.

And that's all I've got for now. Although, I'm sure I could add more if I really thought about it. What would you put on your Axis of Evil? Come on, now, don't be shy. As long as your list doesn't include Hanson or eety beety widdle dogs that shouldn't really pass for dogs but are, still, technically dogs, then I want to hear it.

8 comments :

  1. I think I'll have to plan a trip to Disneyworld just for the coke testing. I'll pass it off as a science experiment or something.

    Walmart and street sweeping would definitely be on my list. I may hold the record for most tickets received from street sweeping men.

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  2. If you've never been to Disneyworld, you must go. Epcot is brilliant. Soooo much to do.

    And I'm glad I'm not the only one seriously bitter towards those street sweepers. Whenever I hear them in the morning, I always want to lean out the balcony and heckle them, but then I figure, hey, it's not their fault. (But it would still be fun, anyway. I'm not going to lie.)

    :)

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  3. I feel like I'm taking over your comments!! I have acute lymphoblastic leukemia.. super cureable under usual circumstances but I have a weird genetic chromosome thing that took my survival rate from about 90% to under 5%.

    It's been 6 years since I was diagnosed though and I'm still hanging around so things seem pretty good. Maybe I should learn to make grilled cheese. Still haven't perfected the corn dogs quite but getting close!

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  4. I agree about the mustard. It's gross. And what is wrong with parents who cut their child's hair in a mullet? I can't think of a better way to make your kid scream "I'm an ignorant hick" without saying a word.

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  5. I agree about the mustard. It's gross. And what is wrong with parents who cut their child's hair in a mullet? I can't think of a better way to make your kid scream "I'm an ignorant hick" without saying a word.

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  6. I'm in love with your blog!! I completely agree with most of what you said as your "Axis of Evil" - except mustard - I love the stuff...

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  7. Seriously, who even likes Carlos Mencia? I do not know anyone, nor have I heard of an actual person who likes Carlos Mencia.

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  8. sparkleblue - Indeed, I can't deny that the child mullet certainly does make a statement, albeit a white trash one. Heehee.

    ari - Why, thank you! You make me happy. :) And you, my friend, can keep your mustard! I don't want anything to do with it! Ack!

    evie - Couldn't have said it better myself. How does he have his own TV show, and all the rest of us don't? Question of the ages...

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