July 21, 2007

on what do do with my life...

Garrrrr. How am I ever going to decide what I want to study? When I truly sit down to ponder what it is I am interested in, I come to the conclusion that I can't come to a conclusion. At all. It's an issue, because I truly do want to return to college, and I really quite enjoyed my first two years, and as an added bonus, the company I work for pays one heck of alot toward tuition - so...why can't I just decide? I'm afraid that I'll decide on something, then a year into it I'll be regretting that I didn't choose something else. (I'm fickle.) I think my biggest issue is the fact that I have a profound interest in everything. Well, with the exception of anything involving math or science. Or the sewage system. Or farming. Other than that, most things I come across I become immediately wrapped up in and think, "Hey, I could do that! Sign me up!" Most notably:

1. Photography. I luuuurve photography. Not that I've had any professional training or have any professional equipment or have any truly breathtaking work. But I find myself looking at the world through a lens; I'm constantly thinking, "This would make a great photo," thoughout my day. I think that means something. And I think I have a knack for it, too, if I do say so myself. But I hear that it's rather difficult to get into certain photography programs. And I'm lazy and don't want to have to deal with that.

2. Graphic Design. I'm artistic, and I'd love to have a job where I design logos or websites or Target stationary (a minor obsession of mine). It just seems appealing to me. And really, that's something I could conceivably do from home someday. (Working from home = good thing. I'm not a career-minded person, and I'm not going to stay away from my babushkas when I do have some. SAHM = v. happy me.)

3. Social Work. My parents did foster care when I was a teenager, and I learned alot about the need for caring, dedicated social workers. I'd love to have a job where I feel like I'm making a difference in the world, you know? Major downfall: I become v. emotionally attached to people and situations. I'm not sure I could separate myself from certain things and may come home in a fit of tears and rants on how terribly unfair and unjust the world is. May but a slight damper on the marriage.

4. Flight Attending. Corporate/Private, not Commercial. They make the big monies. (You won't see me passing out peanuts on a crowded 737. Ew.) Being that I'm working in the aviation industry, I guess it's only natural that I'm interested in being an FA. There have been quite a few people who have urged me to go for it, too, and that's always encouraging. I think my only hesitation would be that I'd be away on trips for a week or so. Even if it was just a few days, I'd miss Jay. I really would. And I also don't think I'd like the idea that they can call me up the day before and I'd have to go. That may not be good on the social life. (What I have of one, anyway...)

5. Starting my own Business. More than anything, what appeals to me most right now is the thought of creating something crafty and adorable, and selling it. Yep. That's it. I think that would bring me the most joy, and something that I could easily do from home, and it just sounds all-around perfect. What would I go to school for, though? Eh. And what would I make? I have some ideas up my sleeve, but I'm keeping them on the DL, peeps. I find sites like this and this, and am incredibly inspired. I could do it, I know I could.

And then there are all my ideas that I would never admit to anyone that I want to do: theatre (a huge passion, and even if I was just teaching, I'd love to be a part of that again), voice (not saying I'm any Charlotte Church, but sometimes I wish I had some formal training just so see how good I could be), set design (considering the husband is going into the film industry, perhaps I shall, as well?), fashion design (based solely on my obsession with Project Runway), famous celebrity blogger (because, well, what's better than being famous for doing nothing but blogging?), novelist (I would love to write a novel, call me crazy) and then some others that are far too awkward to name. (And no, they don't involve a pole or selling my eggs, so don't worry.) Why don't one of YOU decide my future for me? I'm lousy and making decisions, anyway, and that way if something goes awry, then I can blame someone else, rather than myself. Kapish?

I guess we'll just wait and see. I feel like I have no direction, and that makes me upset.

On a sidenote, why is it that I always have the good hair days on days where I'm either stuck at home alone, or am stuck behind a desk at work all day? What a cruel world we live in.

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