April 5, 2006

on perspective...

So, didn't end up getting a ticket. Which was nice. I'm almost surprised, but I don't want to jinx myself for next time I park there, so I'll not speak of this again.

You know what's interesting? Sometimes I still feel like I'm 14 again. I revert back to that stage where I wasn't as secure or confident. At work, I hear some of my friends talking about some sort of get-together they're having at someone's house, and I get so hurt and...confused, actually. And maybe I shouldn't feel like that, because maybe it's not even as important as I make it out to be. Maybe. But what gets to me, is when all of them are my friends - not just aquaintances, and still I'm never included in those plans - as few and far between as they are. So, I guess it just seems odd when I hear,

"I'm so excited! What should I bring?"
"Oh, yeah, we're going to carpool - save us a parking spot!"
"What are we going to do? Last time we had so much fun..."

And all this when I'm here at work. Standing there, kind of awkwardly. Hearing it all. Um, hello? Invisible Girl. Right here. Quite well of hearing and trying to act like I don't care or don't notice the plans they're making, because I'm a 21 year old who should have her head on her shoulders straight enough to deal with it like a grown-up. But I can't. Because after it all, I still think, "Why?"

I know it seems like I'm having a seriously low day, but I'm actually not. I swear to you. This is just what's on my mind, I suppose...

I hate feeling forgotten. I think that's what it comes down to.

And then at the same time, I feel terrible because there are much greater things going on in the world to worry about. None of my issues or problems can hold a candle to what some people deal with. I was watching this special on the Discovery Channel earlier (obsessed with that channel) about this 7 year old little girl who has a disease. It's crippling; her body produces more and more bone, so she is slowly becoming parilyzed. I watched about 15 minutes, tears streaming down my face the whole time. I had to change the channel after that, because I knew I'd be crying during the whole program. I was almost waiting for my husband to come home and wonder why I was sitting there crying. The show absolutely broke my heart, though, and maybe I'm too sensitive, but watching things like that just tear me up. Especially when they're innocent little kids. I realize how life could be. I need to keep things in perspective. Seriously.

I'm so incredibly blessed.

1 comment :

  1. I totally know what you're saying! We live across the street from my husband's college roommate and his wife. We are all friends with another couple that live in another town. Every once in a while, we notice the other couple's car out in front of our friend's house and I always feel a little left out...

    There are times when we hang out with one of the couples and not the other, so I shouldn't, but I just can't help it!


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