on breaking the law...

Two days ago, I got a ticket. Lame, right? I know, I know. I didn't completely stop at that stop sign, and I should have. Dude, I get it. But whatever happened to a good old-fashioned warning? And in any case, I'm totally a law abiding citizen. Not to mention the fact that I'm the daughter of a man who worked in the state patrol for half his life. Growing up with a police cruiser in your driveway leaves a lasting impression, believe you me.

I am a totally good person. I have nothing on my record, unless you want to count street-sweeping tickets (which are, by the way, evil). For the most part, the very thought of doing something that would result in me getting in trouble makes me break into a cold sweat. I follow the rules. Often, if not always. I swear.

So, anyway, two days ago, as I'm barely surviving the short drive from our ridiculously hot duplex to the ridiculously hot laundromat (in my ridiculously hot car) I glance in my rear view mirror. I am two blocks from home. I see flashing lights peeking above the heaping laundry pile behind me, and I borderline pee my pants.

"IS THIS GUY FOR REALSIES? AM I SERIOUSLY BEING PULLED OVER RIGHT NOW? Do I have time to fake-cry real quick?"

I become quite bitter when I realize I'm not the girl who can cry on cue, and also when I realize I'm in an area where there isn't anywhere to pull over without being completely in the way. I have to cruise along down the street, flashing lights behind me, until I find a parking area. It was delightful, to say the least.

Once I'm parked, the cop (who is young-ish and slightly awkward) meanders over to me, and I kind of don't know how to handle the situation. You always think there is a certain way to act, or that one magic thing you can say that will trick the cop's brain into thinking you are awesome and don't deserve a ticket. I've only been pulled over once, six years ago, and at least that time I had the awkwardness of being dressed like a Victorian-era Christmas caroler (don't ask) to mask any of the general awkwardness of the situation. Unfortunately, in this case, I didn't have that luxury. Instead, I was the trembling girl, clad in laundry-day clothes with sweat dripping off her body. Simply stated, I was a hot mess.

cop: "Licence, registration and insurance, please."
me: "Oh, hi! Um, here you go."
cop: "And your registration, please."
me: "Okay, here."
cop: "And your insurance, please."
me: "Oh! Right. Sorry."

You'd think at this point he's appreciate the fact that I was obviously not someone who made a habit of being pulled over. I was also apologetic when he explained he had seen me not fully stop at the stop sign. I was totally nice. I figured a smile, a genuine apology and a clean record would make up for being sweaty beyond all decency and and apparently failing to follow simple rules of the road.

Um, no. I think this guy had something to prove. Or thought he did.

He looks at my information, and wanders back to his car. He sits there and proceeds to take a ridiculous amount of time doing whatever it is cops do with your license and registration, which led me only to assume that I must have a criminal record up to par with the Green River Killer. I mean, really? I was dying without the air conditioning, and after a few minutes I started rummaging through my purse for something to fan myself with. (But then I worried that he'd think I was reaching for a gun, and immediately stopped. Because I'm not down with being frisked.)

He comes back, and tells me that he is going to have to cite me. I couldn't believe it. The thing is, I get it. I did something wrong, I didn't stop all the way, but really? All things considered, it would have been quite fair to give me a warning. I wanted to tell him to be a decent human being and not a jerk-face, and to just give me a mother-loving warning - but, again, I don't like being frisked and I had a feeling that was coming next if I gave him any lip.

So, lesson learned. I'll be the person coming to a full and complete stop for a couple seconds at every stop sign, even when there is nobody in sight. Bleh.

Anyway, things have been nice except for that huge blemish on the face of my days off. I've been on a decorating spree, and spent a good two hours meticulously arranging framed photos on my adorable new teal shelf (photos coming soon!). I've also been making a few more changes around the duplex, and it's making me really fall in love with it again. I'm realizing that the process of making a house a home never really stops. There are always things you can change around or add - things that make you walk in the front door and feel happy and cozy and wonderful.

(That is, until you notice your husband has left you his toenail clippings on the coffee table. But, I guess that's a given.)

on the always, the sometimes & the never...

I always...

• want to order dessert.
• get a little too excited when MMMBop comes on my iPod.
• am down for a glass of wine (or three).
• want to take photos of everything around me, even if I don't actually take them.
• end up watching pretty much any Vh1 reality show, and I'm not even ashamed.
• get freckles in the summer.

I sometimes...

• wonder where life would have taken me, had I done a few things differently.
• do a little dance in the elevator at work, when I'm all alone.
• feel the need to do something a little dangerous - even though I'm such a goodie-goodie.
• miss people too much.
• need to spend a day completely and entirely alone.
• try to go three days without washing my hair (and always regret it).

I never...

• swear without feeling guilty afterwards.
• liked mustard or asparagus until this past year.
• want to forget what it feels like to fall in love.
• return anything efficiently (library books, phone calls, clothes I borrow, etc.).
• get tired of my husband's ridiculous jokes.
• will get bangs, even though I have an unhealthy desire to have them.

(inspired by Brandy and Kyla!)

on a few thoughts & snapshots...

[my sister Nikki, playing photographer.]

I'm feeling truly content at the moment. For many reasons. I just thought I'd share a few (or, as it turns out, ten):

1. Jay came home last night after a weekend away, and we were all snuggled up on the couch - laughing and happy. Those are the best moments in a marriage. The moments where we are truly ourselves, when he decides to give me another ridiculous nickname, when I do something silly that makes him laugh (and perhaps question my sanity, too - but whatever), when he kisses me on the forehead and says he loves me. I'm a true believer in the idea that it's the little things in life, the little moments, that truly carry us through our days.

2. Um, I started running again. Kind of. For, like, the fifteenth time this year? Oh, well. It still counts.

[my nephew, Jonas - so adorable that I would like to request an exact replica when we have kids someday.]

3. As, always, I've been doing a lot of thinking about finding contentment in myself, and the person I am. There are days I feel like an absolute goddess, and there are days where I feel absolutely disgusted. For the most part, I'm okay. I guess that sometimes I just think that I'll magically wake up one morning with a wonderful body image and incredible self esteem. Until that happens, I do appreciate days where I'm simply content with being me. I just wish they would last longer.

4. I've come across a bit of extra money and some free goodies recently, which is enough to provoke a happy dance that lasts a good thirty minutes. I'm not even kidding.

[my incredible sister-in-law, with two of her kids.]

5. When it comes to the current state of my baby fever, I'm actually doing okay. Jay and I had a great conversation the other day (at happy hour, where all great conversations are to be had, obviously). After our recent trip to visit family, and since most conversations had been peppered with questions about whether or not we were planning on having kids soon, I really wanted to talk with him about it again. I was expecting another eye-roll and a response about how I seriously needed to calm down with the baby fever thing and why are we having this conversation again AHHHH?! Instead, he ended up being thoughtful, explaining exactly why he simply doesn't feel ready. And, really? I got it. I finally understand where he's coming from. I think that guys just aren't as well versed when it comes to their feelings. Who would have thought, eh? Right. Anyway.

6. I absolutely adore my online friends (I'm waiting for the day my husband stops judging me for it, too). I'm looking forward to meeting up with a few Southern California bloggers again soon, I'm planning on doing a split photo zine with the lovely Jane Boston, I'm coming up with a post for Hair Thursday at the request of Whoorl (who is a total gem), I've received a few etsy orders from blogging friends and it always makes my heart explode with joy, and Ashley is going to be in the area soon and can I just say how excited I am to meet her? Hurrah for lovely, blogging goodness!

[my neice, Lucia, with her mischevious grin.]

7. I am feeling so incredibly encouraged, in so many ways. The feedback to my faith post was just more than I could have ever asked for. I've had some great talks with close friends, and was especially thankful to have some extra time with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law over the holiday weekend. Creatively, I have been challenged and inspired so incredibly much recently, which is amazing. I feel like almost every part of my life is getting better and better.

8. I have a few current obsessions that bring me more joy than perhaps they should: unlimited good hair days thanks to my flat iron, seasons one and two of Weeds, the theme song to Weeds (which I have had stuck in my head for the last three days), the Jack Johnson station on Pandora, 7 layer dip, putting together a pay-it-forward package for a lovely friend, and chai lattes with vanilla.

[a photoshoot with a small, plastic elephant is perfectly normal - I swear.]

9. I've had a lot of time to myself lately, which has been nice. I've been able to regroup. I'm one of those people who needs some serious "me" time, and it's definitely felt good to not have to be anywhere or do anything lately. Also, Jay was gone this past weekend, which meant I was free to sleep like a spidermonkey and have the whole bed to myself, which I'm ashamed to admit I sometimes look forward to. Because it is awesome. (And sometimes I like to sleep diagonally, and when my husband is around he doesn't seem to enjoy that. Not sure why.)

10. Things are coming together. As they always do. And it just feels good to realize that.

on myself, six years ago...

"I find myself feeling so apart from everyone else. I find myself discovering happiness by looking at the shapes of clouds or wearing the same jeans four days in a row. I find myself questioning where I am and what the point is of anything I do. I find myself lying in bed at night, talking to God, and realizing that I hadn't talked to him half as much as I would have liked during the day. Quite frankly, I don't know what to do with myself."

- written by me, at 18.