on a little shop update...

[ all items available here at the shop! ]

Okay, actually some of them won't be listed until the wee hours of the morning because I'm attempting to balance a full-time job and a part-time etsy shop and a wonderful husband and lovely friends and trying to hit three miles on the treadmill and maintaining a halfway-decent social life and planning for my sans-husband vacation next week to visit my sister and an addiction to Target and all those other shenanigans.

I think I need a glass of wine. Or two. Or maybe John Mayer to write me a song and feed me cookies.

on being busy (and the phantom pregnancy)...

I've actually been busy lately. Which has been both really weird and really awesome at the same time.

Having said that, I kind of don't know how to handle it considering I'm easily overwhelmed and tend to freak out if I have more than two things to accomplish within the span of one day. (It's a little ridiculous, really.) But, I'm managing. It kind of feels good to have so many full days, you know?

Aside from my regular 40-hour work week, I've been focusing a lot on two additional things: getting healthy and working to build my etsy shop into more than just a hobby. So, much of my at-home time is spent embroidering and assembling and stitching and cutting (fabric, not myself, in case you were worried). I have a ridiculous amount of custom orders that I have been working on, which is actually quite delightful. I love when people contact me with a special request because I totally have one of those Sally Field moments: "You like me! You really like me!"

I may or may not recite that on a fairly regular basis. Maybe I have insecurity issues? Maybe I just have a girl-crush on Sally Field circa the Gidget days? Which apparently makes me a pedophile because I just checked Wikipedia and Gidget was supposedly fifteen-and-a-half?

Anyway.

Aside from all my crafting, I've also been attempting to get back into a regular running schedule. I'm frustrated, though, because apparently my efforts at the gym (which include being sweaty beyond all reason and attempting to blend into the wall) aren't paying off as much as they should be. Because I'm still gaining weight. And I do not approve of this, because it is not healthy weight - it is fluffy weight. Weight that makes me look at myself in the Forever 21 dressing room and nearly have an emotional breakdown under the horrible lighting. (For the record, it is probably not the best idea to go shopping after a happy hour that includes a huge plate of garlic noodles and Sam Adams Cherry Wheat.)

The thing is, I'm ten pounds heavier than I was at this time last year, and I'm ridiculously irritated about it. And mad at myself, because I know it's my fault. Last year I had worked hard to reach my goal weight, and then I just got lazy, I guess. The other day I was looking at a photo of myself from one year ago and found myself feeling really jealous. Of myself.

Which I'm sure is a new low.

I've been spending my time trying to find reasons for gaining another two pounds this week, which include, but are not limited to the following: maybe I have a thyroid condition, maybe I'm pregnant, maybe I'm dying. Or maybe I just need to stop buying cases of Bud Light at Costco. Whatever the case may be, I'm kind of over it. Gahhhhh.

I decided to test out the phantom pregnancy theory yesterday because I figured if I had a wee child manifesting itself inside of me, then maybe I'd be more pleasant about my tummy pooch. And I also had a mad craving for a Slurpee the other night and I don't even like Slurpees, which seems like a pretty accurate symptom of pregnancy to me. And I also kind of wanted to leave the pregnancy test in the bathroom and freak out Jay so maybe he'd buy me flowers or something.

(I never said I was logical. But I guess that's fairly obvious by now.)

Needless to say, the test came up negative. Which is probably for the best, considering I couldn't stop thinking about that bottle of almond champagne Jay and I finished off on Thursday, and our child would most likely be born without a face after a night like that. And I kind of don't think I could handle a faceless child right now.

So, back to the gym it is. (If someone could stop by our place and finish off the rest of the Bud Light and microwave popcorn in order to save me from myself, I'd be much obliged.)

on a few of my favorite things...

These are a few of my favorite things (kind of like the song, but not really):

1. Breakfast time. And taking photos that make my breakfast look slightly more exciting than it actually is, obviously. Waffles with peanut butter have never been more divine! Mmmm. I think I always love breakfast because of the mood of the morning. The light is all glowy and I'm comfortable in my pajamas and I have the whole day ahead of me.

2. Oregon Chai. Okay, guys. You don't even understand. If you don't have any of this, you need to remedy that immediately. It's probably my new favorite thing in the history of favorite things. (Thank you to the gem who recommended this to me - you are my hero!) So, anyway, you need to listen to me when I say: YOU NEED THIS IN YOUR LIFE. Go buy some. Like, yesterday. Amen.

3. Watching TV shows online. When I'm home, I'm most often sitting around with the laptop melting it's way through the flesh of my thighs. Do you realize that there are ten seasons of Law & Order: SVU on Netflix's watch instantly list? Do you know what I've been doing for the last week with every spare minute of my time? Do you see why I'm borderline paranoid everywhere I go, look at every stranger like they're a pedophile or a serial killer, and am pretty sure there is going to be a body in the alleyway garbage can every time I take out the trash? It's a little much. But I can't stop.

4. Snail mail. It warms my soul.

5. My new boots from Target! I've been on the search for a cute pair of brown boots for a long time. Like, for the last two years. I've found plenty of options, but considering I'm cheap and hate spending more than $40 on any article of clothing (hold me) I've never purchased any until now. When I saw these, my heart melted a little bit out of pure, unadulterated joy. Flat, brown boots that fit perfectly over my skinny jeans - and for under $30? Sold. Target, you never fail to delight me.

What are a few of your favorite things?

on the things I miss...

I miss waking up to my little sister's smiling face as she quietly sneaks lip gloss off of my bedside table. Her big blue eyes, her tiny, gap-toothed grin. The cat, running inside as someone makes their way out the garage door, rushing down the stairs and under the covers to warm my feet with her soft fur. The comfort and familiarity of my old room - the books on the shelf, my bulletin board, the drawer that held all my journals, the jewelry box that was filled with trinkets and other tiny bits of my past. The ring a boy had given me at the rollerskating rink when I was nine, a tiny bag of lost teeth that my mom kept as a reminder of the child I used to be, the tiny gold locket that no longer fit around my neck, mismatched earrings.

I miss the drive to the local apple orchards every Autumn. The magic of the turning leaves and the sweetness of fresh apple cider. Carving pumpkins on a newspaper-covered kitchen table, our sweaters scrunched up over our elbows, pretending we hated the feel of the slimy pumpkin seeds but secretly loving it. Dressing up for Halloween and begging mom to draw eyelashes and freckles on our faces no matter what we were dressed up as. Candy stashes that lasted for weeks afterwards.

I miss the smell of snow in the air. Waking up to an extra bright glow outside my window and knowing even before opening my eyes that the world had changed overnight. Soft nightgowns that puffed up as I stood over the kitchen vent in the morning to warm my toes. Snow angels and snowmen. That familiar burn in the tips of my fingers after hours spent in the cold weather. That familiar mug of hot chocolate as my sisters and I sat in the kitchen to thaw - our cheeks rosy, our hair matted and messy from the earmuffs, scarves and hats. My dad crumpling up newspaper and chopped wood to build a fire in the evening, filling the room with a comforting glow. The stack of books we knew by heart, the ones that made their annual appearance with each changing season and holiday.

I miss the familiar things. The things I knew would always be there and never even thought of missing someday - because, in a typical childlike way, I guess I never imagined things would ever be any different than they were. They were the things I had grown to expect. Daily laughter with my sisters. Hugs from my dad before going to bed. Fresh huckleberries on top of vanilla ice cream. My mom brushing the tangles out of my hair. Grilled cheese sandwiches and pumpkin chip muffins. The soft voices from down the hallway as my mom and older sister talked at night while I lay in bed, curled up and cozy. Feeling safe, feeling like I was exactly where I needed to be.

These are the things that make it hard to ever really grow up.

Although my present place in life is absolutely wonderful, part of me will always feel like that little girl. Maybe it's because I miss how, back then, I never questioned what I should be doing, or where I should be, or if I was the person I was supposed to be. I just...was. And I miss that security.